Chapter: 359
It feels as if an unbearable weight is resting on my shoulders.
My feet felt like they were glued to the ground, refusing to move.
It’s a suffocating sensation, as if my entire body were tied up by something.
“Fuck.”
I can’t help but swear.
The first feeling I experienced was a sense of helplessness. In that moment, caught in some unknown feeling, all I could think of was how I couldn’t escape this suffocating state.
I bit my lip and tried to move somehow.
Crunch.
I gave it my all, but nothing worked.
Despite exerting all this strength, my body wasn’t even trembling.
I attempted to raise my Qi, but—
“My Qi won’t budge.”
It felt like there wasn’t even a shred of Qi in my dantian.
I couldn’t sense any flow at all.
It was as if the world was blocking me from saving the woman before my eyes.
My gaze trembles.
Light continuously radiated from the staggering Wi Seol-ah.
What is that? Some sort of Qi?
No, it’s different. I could tell just by looking.
The woman who had been conversing with me until now…
She was gradually fading away.
Her body was still there, but the presence she had embodied was disappearing.
Right before my eyes.
Where is she going? How is she disappearing?
I had no idea what would happen if she vanished, but at least I knew one thing.
If I allow her to go like this, I’ll never see her again.
We just met, and now she’s about to disappear?
And on top of that, the Wi Seol-ah who is fading like this—
“Just watch? You want me to just watch?”
Grrrk.
That’s ridiculous.
I summoned more strength into my body. The more I tried, the more my body remained stiff.
The difference now was that the more power I exerted, the more overload I sensed in my body.
Crackle-crackle!
My muscles strained, and my bones ached.
Even though it hurt tremendously and was painfully apparent, that didn’t matter at all.
“Fuck…”
I tried to move, but the shackles were immensely tight.
How I wish I could use my Qi! But not only could I not tap into it, even my demonic power wouldn’t budge.
Please.
“Try to move somehow…”
What good is raising my level if I can’t save a single person I want to save?
While I continued straining as though my body might snap.
“I’m not in a position to say this, but…”
Wi Seol-ah spoke to me.
“I have two requests.”
Why on earth is she making such a peculiar request at a time like this?
I wanted to tell her to worry about herself.
But my damn mouth wouldn’t cooperate.
As if she wasn’t willing to wait, Wi Seol-ah began speaking.
“Please cherish this child very much…”
Not referring to the one lingering in the past, but rather requesting that I love the current owner of the body—the Wi Seol-ah of this life.
Her voice was filled with sorrow and pity. She had already given everything up.
That was probably why she reacted, having no intention of holding onto any more ties to this world.
Upon hearing her words, I wanted to ask.
“Then what about you?”
If she leaves me like this, what will be left of her?
For someone who lived her life dedicated to others,
For someone who risked everything to save the world—
What will remain if she disappears like this?
“I still…”
There was so much I wanted to ask.
How did we end up in this era?
What happened to you after I died?
Why?
Why did you miss me and chase after me here?
These were words I wanted to hear from her own lips.
But am I really supposed to let her go like this?
I couldn’t possibly allow that.
…That can’t happen.
“Please move!”
I felt my body creaking more and more.
It signified that the physical exertion had reached its limit.
Is there truly no way?
Am I really just going to let her vanish like this?
Right before my eyes?
As self-loathing bubbled up, starting from my toes and climbing up to my neck,
Wi Seol-ah shared her second request with me.
“…Please call this child by their name.”
“…!”
Upon hearing those words, something heavy plummeted in my mind.
I must have never imagined that her request would be such a thing.
“Call her by name…”
I never call anyone by their name.
If you ask me why, I can’t really think of a reason.
Maybe it was something in the past, but…
Searching for it now just feels ambiguous.
If I dig deep to uncover reasons I held onto in the past,
I guess I was just scared.
By calling someone by name,
I would be etching that person’s name and existence into me.
I feared that someone significant enough to be etched into my body might run away in disdain at my incompetence and rotting insides.
That must have been so horrifying.
As time passed and I flowed into the present, calling someone’s name felt odd and made me uncomfortable.
It’s something I got used to.
Not calling someone by their name.
That it’s become so important that I imprint it within myself.
“…No, that’s not it. It’s just terrifying.”
I erased those thoughts I had been pondering.
I acted tough when I wasn’t, pretending I had overcome everything.
But the truth knows itself.
In my past life, I had a disdain for myself.
Immediately after the war broke out, I didn’t want to be shaken by someone’s death.
Now, in an era where bloodshed and war are impending,
In this land overflowing with not just the secrets of the Cheonma but also the mysteries of the world, where I resolved nothing,
I avoided letting anyone be in my heart, rolling around desperately to keep them in sight.
But in truth, I was filled with anxiety, wondering if I could really protect them.
“Then.”
Did Wi Seol-ah make that request because she sensed my weaknesses?
To change it in this life since she couldn’t in the past?
Is that what asking someone to cherish and call her by her name really means?
Even so, she wasn’t asking that for herself.
“Why aren’t you asking this of yourself?”
She wasn’t requesting that of the person standing right before her.
It was pitiful and tragic.
Having lived her entire life for others instead of herself,
Until this moment, she still didn’t seem to care for herself.
It was heart-wrenching.
Even now, she’s still a divine sword.
That image struck deep within me, and I wished this life would be different for her.
I wished she wouldn’t take up the sword.
I hoped she wouldn’t learn martial arts.
I wanted her to live without losing her expression, to smile and carry on.
To live for herself rather than others.
To live the life she wished for.
If possible, I wanted to stand where the divine sword should be.
To shoulder the burdens she was meant to carry.
That was the mindset I held.
“But.”
After regressing and reaching this point, what have I achieved?
Nothing.
Really, I have achieved absolutely nothing.
Wi Seol-ah ultimately took up the sword.
She learned martial arts, and it became evident that her talents from her past life were no lie, as she soared to the peak of her skills within just a few years.
The child who always smiled was gradually losing her expression.
She had taken up the sword to protect me.
In the end, that meant she had once more taken up the sword for someone else.
That someone just happened to be me this time.
“You idiot.”
Even though I said I wanted a change, the most important things remained unchanged.
What on earth am I living for now?
Rumble…
The energy I felt from Wi Seol-ah gradually faded.
I could see her slowly sinking down along with the disappearing energy.
Kneeling, she closed her eyes.
She was preparing for farewell.
“Wait.”
I was still unprepared for anything.
What on earth are you preparing for?
Having gone through regression, my life had transformed into something I could never possibly imagine back in my past.
I had been given the title Jinryong.
In the past, I had been referred to as the head of the Gu Clan.
Now, even as a nickname, it’s got a flair to it.
This time, I refuse to live a shameful life.
Furthermore, I would protect those around me and safeguard the future.
That I would finally bring peace to myself.
At least, that’s what I thought.
However, even now, my life had changed so drastically from my past existence.
“Then what do I do?”
Crackle.
Unable to endure the pressure, blood vessels in my eyes exploded.
“What am I supposed to do now?”
Fame and honor.
And peace?
It all feels futile.
I can’t even save the single woman right before me.
What meaning does any of it hold?
Paddududuk!
I exerted even more strength to withstand the pressure.
My body, already at its limits, screamed, but I paid it no mind.
If I break, I can simply fix it.
Right now, I simply need to look ahead.
We’ll worry about what lies further down the road later.
“Please.”
Even if I manage to escape from here, what can I really do?
What could I achieve by going to her like this? She’s already fading away; approaching her won’t change a thing.
“Please.”
It’s just a senseless effort.
Right now, even now, they want me to just watch and mourn.
Thoughts like these whirl through my mind,
Yet an even stronger instinct than rational thought urged me not to let her go like this.
Even if my life ends at this moment,
I couldn’t leave her behind.
At that moment, I thought—
Shhh…
“…Huh?”
I felt as if someone were embracing me from behind.
A warm hand wrapped around my neck for a moment.
Then, slowly, she took both of my hands.
That was the sensation.
My body was alone, and aside from Wi Seol-ah, no one else was around.
It felt warm.
So warm that my weary body and turbulent thoughts seemed to settle into calm.
And…
I felt the pressure squeezing my entire body disappear.
My hands began to move.
My feet left the ground.
I dashed forward and embraced Wi Seol-ah.
“Ah…?”
Ignoring the pain I felt as I moved my body,
I pulled her small figure into my grip.
“How…?”
Wi Seol-ah gasped in surprise as she found herself in my arms.
“How… How are you able to move…?”
“Wi Seol-ah.”
“…!”
I held her tightly and called her name softly into her ear.
Even Wi Seol-ah, who had been startled, went silent, seemingly flustered by hearing her name.
“Where do you think you’re going all by yourself?”
“…Ah…”
“Even if you leave, you should at least listen to what people have to say before departing!”
As Wi Seol-ah processed the words I made an effort to say,
She slowly wrapped her hands around my back.
“…I think it’s time for me to die.”
“What?”
“If someone experiences too much happiness, they die shortly after. If this isn’t happening now, am I just dreaming?”
“…”
I applied a bit more strength to the embrace.
I felt her warmth against me.
I could even feel her heart beating.
Still, I couldn’t halt the fading of my energy.
What am I supposed to do?
What now…
[…Hold her close.]
A voice echoed in my ear.
It was a familiar tone.
‘This voice…’
Just as I was about to widen my eyes at the thought of the voice’s owner—
[There’s no time! Hurry, quickly…]
The voice urging me rang out in my ear.
There was no hesitation. I knew I didn’t have time to think.
Boom!
I activated the Magic Heavenly Absorption. Unlike before, when the Qi wouldn’t move.
This time, it was functioning correctly.
“Old… Confucius?”
At that moment, sensing something, Wi Seol-ah called for me.
“…Stay still.”
“What… are you doing?”
If she knew what I was about to do, would she try to stop me?
Surely, she would object.
She might scold me, telling me not to do it.
Imagining that imagery might be somewhat entertaining, but—
‘Since when have I been one to listen to others?’
I had no intentions of obeying.
“You were selfish too. I’m going to do what I want as well.”
“…No. I…”
The energy emanating from Wi Seol-ah, which had been swirling in the air, changed direction and headed toward me.
I could see the energy flowing into my body.
But I didn’t feel anything at all.
Nothing. It means energy is entering my body, yet no sensations are being felt.
“I don’t even know if this is right!”
“Old Confucius….”
“I have no clue what will happen if I do this.”
“Then…!”
“But still.”
I couldn’t see Wi Seol-ah’s expression.
Since I was holding her, I couldn’t see her face.
“I’m sorry, but I don’t think I can let you go like this.”
“…”
After I said that, Wi Seol-ah was silent.
But I could feel her arms around my back tightening slightly.
And that was enough for me.
Suddenly, a thought crossed my mind.
…What if we had lived just a little more different lives?
The words Wi Seol-ah had shared kept echoing in my ears.
Would our lives have been better?
You, too.
And I, too.
The light that had been emanating from Wi Seol-ah gradually faded and in time returned as if nothing had ever occurred.
Only then did I finally relax my grip, shift my pose, and gaze down at Wi Seol-ah.
She had her eyes closed.
“…”
When she opened her eyes again,
She wasn’t the Wi Seol-ah I had just faced but the one I knew in this life.
I wondered if this version of Wi Seol-ah would remember what had just happened?
Or perhaps, did she know about my secret?
Instead of pondering that, I brushed my fingers over my chest.
‘…What happened?’
Despite absorbing her energy into my body,
I felt no trace of her anywhere—neither in my dantian nor my heart.
There was no other way to logically process this.
I simply followed what the voice instructed me to do.
“…”
The unknown voice that had communicated with me.
How had I been so easily swayed by someone else’s words?
I had heard that voice before.
Never.
It made sense since it was a voice I had never erased from my mind throughout my entire life.
If my thoughts weren’t mistaken, that voice undoubtedly belonged to—
The one who had left me in the distant past.
“…Mother.”
It was my mother’s voice.
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