Chapter: 348
“Sorry, I’m such a useless mother,” she kept saying through tears, and the longer it went on, the more my eyes darted around the room, unsure where to focus. My mother held my hand, weeping pathetically, while I struggled to find a way to pull my hand away without being cruel. Comforting her? I had no idea what to say in this awkward situation.
Meanwhile, I could hear sniffling from behind. It sounded like the head maid was shedding some tears too. Talk about being surrounded by emotional chaos!
“Mother, I’m alright. You don’t need to apologize,” I insisted, trying to lighten the mood. If I left this situation unchecked, the atmosphere would plummet faster than a boulder. My words might be the most cliché, but right now, I just needed to say something, anything.
Honestly, I had nothing more to add besides “I’m okay.” I had never felt hurt or abused by my mother, so what was I supposed to complain about?
“I came to see you after such a long time, and if you just keep crying, it’s not good for my heart either,” I said gently.
Gradually, her tears started to lessen as I spoke. Was it really that easy to hush her sobs? A mother crying because she feels sorry for her son – it almost felt like a weirdly emotional hostage situation, right in front of me.
“Have you eaten?” I asked, trying to switch the subject.
After the question, I saw her slowly drying her eyes. The housekeeper had urged her to eat, and now was my chance to bring it up without letting the moment slip away.
“Not yet,” she replied softly, a hint of regret in her voice.
Clearly, the head maid shared my sentiment, as she quickly jumped in, “She hasn’t eaten anything yet! She’s been crying and fainting, barely drinking water!”
What a ridiculous situation! Of course, I already heard through the grapevine that my mother was fasting, but hearing it confirmed from her constant caretaker was even more disheartening.
“Head maid, please bring something simple for her to eat.”
“I-I’m fine!” my mother protested.
“I’m going to eat with you, so make it enough for two!” I countered.
At that, my mother clamped her mouth shut. How could she argue against having her son join her in the meal? It would just end up with both of us fasting together, and there was no way I’d allow that!
Using myself as a bargaining chip was a bit underhanded, but desperate times called for desperate measures. The situation was deteriorating because of her own stubbornness anyway. She’d brought this upon herself!
“Yes, I’ll bring it right away!” the head maid said, dashing out of the room as if she jumped at the chance.
You could sense the tension from the head maid’s brisk step; she was clearly feeling the pressure of the situation.
A moment later, she returned with two bowls of white porridge. Wasn’t this supposed to be more like oatmeal? Yet, I was way too deep into this fantasy world to start nitpicking about food. I wouldn’t even blink if a kimbap showed up!
And honestly, oatmeal can be a bit hard to digest. Given my mother’s state, this was probably the best option.
“It’s a bit hot,” I said, offering her a spoonful after cooling it down a bit.
Her hands were still shaking, indicating she could barely muster any strength. If she tried to scoop it herself, it would probably end up all over her blanket, so I had to feed her personally.
“It’s okay, I can eat on my own,” she insisted.
“No, you can’t!” I replied firmly. She could barely hold the spoon together without it slipping!
“You should eat. The Sub-lord seems quite worried about you,” I added, nudging her along.
Finally, with a little encouragement, she took the spoon and brought it to her mouth, albeit after a long hesitation. Well, at least she was eating something.
“How’s the temperature?” I asked.
“It’s fine. It’s nice and warm,” she replied softly after swallowing a mouthful.
“Please eat more. You need to finish at least one bowl,” I urged, holding out the porridge again.
She accepted the second scoop without any more arguments, her embarrassment clear but unvoiced.
“I’m sorry. I should’ve come right after the meeting ended,” I finally said as her bowl emptied.
With my approaching departure for the battlefield, I felt guilty stating that while leaving her with just my apologies.
I had planned to visit before departing, but things went south after hearing about her collapse. It wouldn’t be right to offer excuses now.
“Are you really going?” she asked quietly, her voice still tight with emotion.
Thankfully, she seemed to be calming down a bit, perhaps because of the warmth of the food or maybe just being able to talk a little more.
“Mother, I’m just going as a military supervisor, not to fight,” I reassured her.
But, her reasoning pierced right through my resolve.
“Anyone could take the role of supervisor. You don’t have to be the one. And if you’re not going to fight, why does it have to be you?” she pressed, her concern evident.
She was right. If the Emperor wanted a non-combat supervisor, there was no need to send me. I’d been appointed in case they needed a reminder of what they were up against, or to apply pressure on the Nomads.
“You already fulfilled your duties in the last war, so can’t you just bow out this time?” she pleaded.
Suddenly, I could see the resemblance between her and the patriarch. They both worried for their children, wanting what was best while saying I ought to withdraw.
“The Patriarch told me I didn’t need to participate. He’s right about that,” I smiled lightly.
After seeing that she understood this, her head nodded eagerly, almost as if having the Patriarch’s backing made her feel more secure.
That was a statement born from the tension; I chuckled at the notion. My vision of the patriarch often involved being a cold-hearted figure who’d sacrifice even his children if it meant serving the empire. And yet, here he was, going against the Emperor’s wishes to keep his son safe.
That fracture in perception almost made me laugh. Or maybe I would just consider it a perspective shift, realizing how misguided I had been all along.
“I understand your worries, Mother. I can’t say I’m oblivious to your concern,” I reassured her gently.
Hearing that seemed to brighten her up, and I felt a pang of guilt. What I was about to say next would surely crush that hopeful expression.
“Head maid. Could you step out for a moment? I have something important to discuss with my mother.”
“Of course, I shall be just outside. Call for me when you need me,” she nodded, but it seemed she sensed my determination from the slight frown that crossed her face.
‘…Time to talk.’
Once the head maid stepped out, I turned back to my mother.
“Mother.”
“Yes, speak.”
“A few years ago, I almost got married,” I stated bluntly.
Her eyes widened in surprise at my unexpected declaration.
I continued, making sure to choose my words carefully, softening the blow while keeping it brief. I had to be cautious; if I sugarcoated too much, she might faint again.
“My friends, my love, collapsed there. Alone, I have a responsibility to go back and settle things.”
Setting the context had been a necessary evil, and I could see her expression drain white as realization settled in.
“So, Mother, I appreciate your concern, but I must go,” I said, squeezing her hand.
She remained shockingly still, as though I’d turned her into stone.
“I’m really such a useless mother,” she muttered after a long silence.
It took a while for her to respond, but the self-deprecating words only weighed heavier on my heart.
“I didn’t know my son was hurting for years… Using ignorance as a shield, stopping you from easing your pain…”
Of course, she didn’t know. I had never told her.
“And even now, I secretly wish you wouldn’t go… I’m such a terrible mother.”
It was normal for a mother to wish for her child’s safety; that was an instinctual desire.
But the way she spoke made her head droop further.
“I don’t feel that way at all,” I replied firmly.
At my words, her shoulder twitched, clearly taken aback.
“Never once did I think you weren’t helpful or that you were awful. You always took care of me!” I insisted.
“And besides, you sent me herbs and made sure I had food when I was growing up,” I reminded her gently.
Her eyes widened in surprise, and I couldn’t help but chuckle softly.
“You may not have said it outright, but I knew you were there, caring for both me and Erich. To say you haven’t helped is absurd!”
Seeing my mother still in shock, I pulled her into a warm embrace.
“I have never thought you were a burden or resented you in any way,” I reassured her, sounding more genuine than ever.
This sentiment resonated from the very core of the body I had taken over.
After all, in this body’s true memories, there had never once been resentment towards the patriarch or my mother.
“So please, don’t say such things.”
The firmness in my voice sent a ripple through her frame, her body shaking.
I just ignored the fact that my shirt had become damp; I couldn’t afford to break this moment.
She lay back down on the bed with a heavy sigh. This time, it wasn’t because she felt hopeless or faint—she had simply relaxed into sleep.
‘Thank goodness.’
As I stepped out of the room, I let out a sigh of relief. The mention of herbs and meals I’d spoken about? Those were things I’d heard through the housekeeper. The original Kal had no memories of those happenings.
But the timing was just perfect. By expressing it like, “I know you care for me, so it’s alright,” I had managed to comfort her. Thank you, housekeeper; you’ve saved my butt!
And thanks to the original Kal too. If the original had resented Mother, providing comfort would have been much tougher. But even without knowing, he held no grudges against her.
‘Is he simply a good kid, or just naïve?’
Even with relief, there was a bittersweet sting to the whole situation.
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