Chapter: 34
When an ordinary person faces a big problem, they show a variety of reactions. Some people rack their brains to solve it, while others become despondent and sit down crying.
The comedic world isn’t any different. I’m just one of many types of people here.
“It’ll all work out somehow.”
In this funny world, you never know what’ll happen next, and even if something does happen, it’s not likely to lead to death. If you die, turning into a ghost and living an ordinary life becomes the norm.
Because of this, I naturally become more carefree.
You’re wondering if I wasn’t tense when I was thrown into the arena with Iris, huh?
Well, it’s because Iris can easily kick the bucket, unlike me. If I were alone, there wouldn’t be a need to be that scared.
The only thing that slightly worries me is the dark sorcerers losing their minds at the sight of me not dying, no matter how badly I’m hurt.
“Should I use cliché phrases to kill them like yesterday? Or pretend to know them?”
In this comedic world, regardless of whether the other party is rational or not, and whatever species they might be, you can end up as family or foes.
If you casually say, “Hey! Long time no see!” a previously mindless beast might suddenly walk on two legs, scratch its head, or dig through its fur to pull out a phone and call, “Mom, do you know a kid named Lian? Yes? My childhood friend?” That’s how unpredictable it can get.
Simply put, if you’re good at gaslighting, you can even befriend monsters.
Anyway, there are tons of ways to dodge problems. That’s why I’ve managed to stay calm unlike the other chosen slaves.
Seeing me like this, the slaves began to have some bizarre misunderstandings.
“Uh…”
“Yeah?”
As I was shoving a sandwich into Iris’s mouth, a slave who ended up in the arena instead of Pimax came over to talk.
A clean-shaven slave resembling a chestnut burr suddenly plopped down beside me. To be precise, he knelt down and slammed his forehead on the ground.
“…?!”
“Please, save me!”
It was absurd enough that he just kneeled down, but his plea had me utterly speechless.
Munch, munch, ah-.
Iris, ignoring the kneeling slave, opened her mouth patiently for more food as soon as it disappeared.
I reflexively glanced away from the slave and popped another piece of sandwich into Iris’s mouth.
After watching Iris chewing like an old goat, when I turned back to the slaves, the number of kneeling folks had increased.
“Eh?”
“Please help us!”
“I’m really sorry for what happened yesterday! We had no idea you were such a big deal!”
All the kneeling slaves were set to fight in the gladiatorial games. I looked at them with a thoroughly confused expression.
“I have no clue what you’re suddenly babbling about…”
Among the four kneeling slaves, two were the ones who laughed at me while hiding behind Pimax yesterday. The other two were complete strangers.
“Ah-.”
“Oh, right.”
While I was lost in thought, Iris opened her mouth again. Like a mother bird feeding her chick, I placed another piece of sandwich into Iris’s mouth.
“Please, we implore you to save us!”
Their incomplete and desperate requests were making me feel like sighing.
“Why would I kill you guys?”
Feigning ignorance regarding their words, the first slave who knelt started spilling his tragic backstory.
To sum it up, this is the situation.
Pimax was strong enough to climb two or more floors here. Naturally, the monster he was supposed to face was incredibly strong.
As expected, there wasn’t a single person on this level who could handle the monster prepared for Pimax.
Being told to fight in place of Pimax is pretty much a death sentence.
“Won’t the monster change since the contestants have changed?”
Upon my inquiry, the chestnut-like slave explained with a gloomy face.
Preparing a monster for a gladiatorial fight takes quite a bit of effort. They need to be agitated enough to jump into combat immediately, and magic must be cast to prevent them from attacking the audience.
For that reason, monsters in the arena are prepped at least a week in advance. That means they have to fight against the monster prepped for Pimax.
The reason for the five participants in a match that was originally intended for just Pimax is so they can somehow hold off the monster by sheer numbers.
And if they fail? Well, they’re just slaves; who cares? You can just buy new ones.
If you’re not as skilled as Pimax, you’re used like fodder. For the chosen slaves this time, it’s no different from being told they’re meant to die.
And they believe I’m the only way anyone could survive this situation.
“Me?”
“Yes! You brought a dying monster back to life with your mysterious powers yesterday, didn’t you?”
The chestnut-like slave looked up at me with pleading eyes, as if he’d cling to my pants and beg if I refused.
“Ah-.”
All the while, I fed another piece of sandwich to Iris, rolling my eyes internally.
‘Why should I?’
Surviving on my own is one thing, but saving these guys while trying to stay alive is a whole different level of difficulty. Above all, I don’t want to help the slaves who insulted Iris alongside Pimax.
If I were to help, I’d prefer to assist just the two who did nothing wrong.
“…I’ll think about it.”
“..! Thank you so much!”
The chestnut-like slave trembled, bowing his head deeply as if relieved by my words alone. Since he wasn’t one of Pimax’s followers, I didn’t feel an aversion and told him to get up from his knees.
Sniffing, he stood up and left with a large slave I hadn’t seen before.
“Please, do save us! We will repay you, no matter what!”
The ones who were close to Pimax were shaken by my “I’ll think about it,” and when I showed my annoyance, they freaked out and scampered away.
“Ah-.”
“Iris, you’re all done.”
“Mmhm…”
As they departed, the sandwich was completely gone. Iris closed her mouth and nodded. It was evident that her little reactions were increasing by the day.
After spending a bit more time with Iris, it was about time for the match.
“It’s time to go. Let’s move.”
Just as I was about to leave Iris sitting on the bed, she suddenly grabbed onto my clothes fiercely.
“Whoa..! Iris?”
“Ah..?”
Iris, tilting her head and making a small sound, seemed to be asking, “Where are you going?” I cautiously pulled her hand away and said,
“I’ll be back quickly, so wait here, alright?”
Iris stared blankly at my face, then dropped her head. Though she didn’t seem too happy, I had no choice but to leave her since time was up.
“If any of you touch so much as a finger of my sister, you’ll end up like Pimax, got it?”
“Yikes…!”
“Gulp… We won’t even breathe in your presence!”
At my fierce warning, the slaves lurking in the hall froze up and started nodding like bobbleheads.
‘If anyone tries to approach her, they’re getting smacked… I think that should be okay?’
Imagining Iris slicing up monsters, I hopped on the elevator and headed downstairs. The five of us, including myself, were led down the same corridor as before.
As soon as we entered the corridor, the slaves dashed to the weapons positioned to one side.
‘Hoping they have a lighter sword available?’
I still struggled to handle a long sword due to my size. ‘Should I just grab a suitable dagger instead?’ I wondered as I inspected the weapons.
The relatively decent swords were hanging on racks, while dull blades or ones that seemed ready to snap were crammed into lidless oak barrels.
With all the rack weapons being long swords, I reluctantly glanced at the barrels. The other slaves entirely ignored the barrels in their search for sturdy long swords.
‘Now, where’s a usable one?’
Like fishing through a crowded umbrella stand for my own, I pushed aside handles to find something decent.
‘Ah, this one looks fine.’
I spotted a sword handle that was shorter and tucked inside among the pile. I tried to pull out the item that seemed like a dagger.
Shick.
“Ah..”
Packed tightly together, I ended up nicking my hand while reaching for one. Blood dripped and ruined the dagger.
“Hmm…”
An ordinary person might have shrieked in surprise and yanked their hand away, but with my ability to recover quickly from injuries, it was no biggie.
‘Might as well just yank it out fast.’
No one would hesitate to grab their umbrella, even if it meant getting their hands wet from others’ stuff.
And that’s why I shrugged it off and pulled out the dagger despite my hand getting sliced by the swords.
“Wow.”
To my surprise, the dagger I drew was sharper than expected and free from chips.
The blade was only about 16 cm long — quite short, but it didn’t seem like it would break easily.
“There’s way too much blood on it.”
Just as I thought about cleaning it with my clothes…
[ …Are you the one who revived me? ]
A voice that felt neither male nor female echoed in my head.
Swoosh.
The blood on the blade was quickly sucked up by the dagger.
[ Ah, so sweet, so delicious! Bring me more blood right now! ]
My hand acted of its own accord, jabbing the dagger deep into my abdomen.
[ Hahaha! Yes, this is it, this is the stuff! Ah, blood after hundreds of years tastes so sweet! ]
A boisterous laugh rang out in my head.
Clang.
“What, what…!”
I heard the startled cry of another slave preparing for the match. Silently, I gazed down at my belly while frowning.
“Why the heck did you stab me without warning?! If you’d just spoken up, I would’ve taken off my clothes at least!”
The dagger, which had been sipping my blood, paused for a moment, making a slurping sound.
[ W-what? ]
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