Chapter: 333
From a very young age, Phoebe lived a life far removed from play.
In the early morning, she prayed for herself and several priests.
After that, she studied the Bible and Sacred Magic.
In the afternoon, she roamed around the region to help others.
By evening, she either went to confession or studied again.
Once all her schedules were done, she prepared her prayers for the next day until bedtime.
A life devoid of the word “rest” was harsh for a child, but Phoebe bore it, believing it was the weight she had to carry.
The great Lord had chosen her, and she spent each day gritting her teeth to prove that His choice wasn’t wrong.
However.
However.
Everything that supported Phoebe in the past turned out to be lies.
The memories of the orphanage that made her wish for tomorrow not to come were nonexistent.
The orphanage she longed for was a place filled with blood and screams.
What she believed to be a warm scene was actually a hell filled with icy cynicism, cold corpses, and dried tears.
The title of Saint she bore was also a lie.
The great Lord had never chosen anyone as a saint.
The title of saint was a fabricated existence created by the corrupt church for their gain.
All the burdens she endured were not for the Lord but for those corrupt individuals.
Months passed after discovering this fact, but Phoebe still chuckled hollowly each time the truth crossed her mind.
How easily a person’s lifetime can be constructed, and how easily it can be denied.
Even for someone with a righteous heart like Phoebe, it was hard to simply accept that her life was just a farce made by someone else.
What would have happened if there had been no one to support me back then?
If it hadn’t been for Young Lady Alrn?
If that person who receives the great Lord’s love hadn’t been beside me?
If the apostle of the Lord, who appeared to carry a warmth like the sun despite her small frame, hadn’t been there?
Would I be able to smile like this now?
“Puhahaha! Silly Young Lady, for real! How could you get this wrong?”
“I’m so unfair! You dug a trap by changing just one word!”
“Yeah~ that’s quite unfair~ I mean, silly Young Lady didn’t want to be silly, did she?”
“Ugh! Ughhhh!”
Phoebe, who couldn’t help but giggle while watching Lucy desperately trying to suppress her laughter and Joy clenching her fists in rage, shrugged her shoulders.
What’s the point of imagining things that haven’t even happened? It’s much better to focus on the present.
“Joy, do you really think that’s correct?”
“Isn’t it…?”
“Joy, giving hints to the silly one is a mistake. The silly one is cutest when being silly.”
“Cute… no! Young Lady! At least add the title ‘Young Lady’ at the end! Otherwise, call me by my name like Phoebe does!”
“If you score higher than me, I’ll consider it. Not that a silly one could ever beat me, though.”
“Waaah! Seriously!”
Phoebe burst out laughing at Joy’s frustrated expression, completely forgetting about her usual nobility as a duchess.
Playing with friends is truly a delightful experience.
If Young Lady Alrn hadn’t pulled me out, such moments wouldn’t exist.
Is that all? If I were isolated in my room praying to soothe my anxiety, I would have ended up doubting myself as my worries grew.
This morning.
As Phoebe woke up like usual, she chewed on her lips, overwhelmed by rising anxiety.
She was so frightened by the brutal truth she would hear today.
She thought she was prepared, but in reality, she wasn’t prepared at all.
No matter how many times she prayed to protect this inadequate self of hers, the anxiety wouldn’t disappear, prompting Phoebe to head to Lucy’s room.
If she could be next to the warm divine presence Lucy held, she believed that anxiety would fade.
However, upon arriving at Lucy’s door, Phoebe couldn’t bring herself to knock.
Countless worries, which she hadn’t imagined even when leaving her own room, now trapped her ankles.
Wouldn’t it be rude to visit at such an uncertain time?
Would waking her up make her unhappy?
What if she was in the middle of washing or praying, and I disturbed her?
As one worry led to another, Phoebe couldn’t muster the courage to knock.
But somehow, Lucy seemed to sense Phoebe’s dilemma and opened the door to step out, welcoming her with a smile.
You wouldn’t understand.
The moment I faced you, the anxiety lurking in my heart flew away.
You wouldn’t know either.
Just how much I contemplated when you asked me about my wishes first.
And how delighted I was when you called out my name, this insufficient person.
You probably wouldn’t know this either.
How taken aback I was when you pulled me into the world, declaring you’d do it my way if that was all I wished for.
How much I struggled to suppress my laughter when I randomly approached a half-awake Joy, saying some things couldn’t be done with your reputation.
And how happy I felt spending the entire day playing with you and Joy, experiencing play with friends for the first time in my life.
If you were to ask if it was to alleviate my anxiety that you stepped outside, I’m sure you would deny it.
You are used to giving to others but clumsy at receiving.
So, I won’t ask.
Instead, I’ll hold onto today’s moments in my heart.
I’ll become someone who stands next to you without shame.
And I will wait for the day when I can repay you.
“Young Lady! Just you wait! Next time, I’ll win!”
“Today I~ lost the whole day, but does that mean tomorrow will be different? It’s impossible for a silly person to stop being silly!”
“I-I didn’t just lose! I won a few times, okay?!”
“But Joy, just because you won a few times doesn’t change the fact that you lost to the Young Lady.”
“Hey, Phoebe! Why is nobody on my side?!”
With her face as red as a sunset, Joy dashed off, declaring a rematch. After confirming Joy’s presence was gone, Lucy turned to Phoebe.
“Phoebe.”
“Yes, Young Lady.”
“Are you mentally prepared? I’m worried the anxious Phoebe will shut herself in her room when there’s tons of territory to explore.”
“I’m fine. Really.”
No matter what I hear, if only Young Lady Alrn is by my side, I will be able to smile.
“Bragging for someone so pathetic.”
Lucy led Phoebe to a restaurant located on Academy Street.
As soon as the employee spotted Lucy, they approached with a mechanical smile, promptly guiding the two to a room on the second floor where a spot was available.
“Welcome, ladies.”
“Ah, finally here. Hurry and sit. There’s a mountain of things to talk about.”
There awaited Johan, the bishop of the church, and Karia, Lucy’s informant.
Once the staff closed the door, Karia unleashed a few spells and fixed her chin, surveying Phoebe’s face.
“So, how much do our saintly lady know?”
“…I…”
“Ah, it’s okay. No need to answer. Just listen. You know about the church’s corruption? And that you’re a false saint? Oh, you know that too? Quite impressive.”
Phoebe felt her breath hitch at the relentless onslaught of words, having no chance to respond.
That sly gaze. A thorny voice. Subtle tone. Playful gestures.
Each separate detail might not mean much, but when combined, even someone as politically savvy as Phoebe began to feel the pressure.
“Just ease up, lady. It’s pathetic to get jealous of someone younger and prettier.”
“Not particularly jealous. But, sorry, Saint. It’s become my habit to measure people since I’ve lived a rough life.”
“No, it’s fine. It was nothing.”
“Really? Okay then.”
Karia studied Phoebe’s face as if weighing her up and then raised the corners of her mouth in a grin.
“Today, what I’m going to tell our saintess will be mere confirmation of what you already know. Beyond that, I still need to investigate further, and many matters are sensitive.”
Phoebe easily understood the meaning of “sensitive.”
It must involve those linked with the corrupt church.
If anyone knew who was associated with corruption, no matter how composed they tried to be, they would inevitably give themselves away, hence the caution.
“Please understand, Saint. When the time comes, I will definitely inform you.”
Hearing Johan’s stern tone made Phoebe force a smile.
It’s unavoidable; after all, I am someone with far more deficiencies than possessiveness.
“Saint, are you ready to hear the story?”
“Yes, I am.”
“Then place your hand on this crystal. I will take you back to where it all began.”
…Where it all began for me?
You can’t mean…
Surprised by the unexpected words, Phoebe urgently glanced sideways.
Noticing Lucy frowning, Phoebe indicated with her eyes, and Lucy nodded silently.
Really.
Did they truly find that orphanage?
That hellish place?
As she blinked at the shimmering crystal, Phoebe felt the warmth beside her and took a deep breath.
It’s okay.
With Young Lady Alrn at my side, how could there be anything to fear?
I’m just seeing what I must face one day.
It’s okay. Phoebe.
It’s going to be just fine.
With her heart ready, the moment Phoebe placed her hand on the crystal, her vision flipped.
As the effects of teleportation settled, Phoebe barely managed to regain her bearings, finding herself kneeling on a field.
This place…
As she stood up, wobbling a little, Phoebe took in the sight of a building so secluded it barely caught the moonlight.
It looked as if it had been well-maintained as if someone had lived there recently, but it was empty inside.
The orphanage looked no different from her memories.
Thud. Losing the strength in her legs, Phoebe sank to the ground, staring blankly at the building.
The place she thought she had played with friends, but in reality, only used when burying corpses.
Though she felt there was no lack, what she really faced was a kitchen that didn’t even serve a proper piece of bread.
The bedtime she recalled sharing hushed tales with friends was actually one where even whispering was punishable by beatings till the brink of death.
Where she thought choral songs echoed, only the screams of children had resounded in the prayer room.
Recalling false memories and genuine nightmares simultaneously, Phoebe listened to the alternating laughter and screams ringing in her ears until she retched on the ground.
“I’m sorry! I’m so sorry! I’ll do better, so please don’t hit me! Please! I-I… Aaaah!”
“I don’t want to die. I don’t want to die!”
“No, not the prayer room! I don’t want to pray to any god!”
“Why is it just you who’s unhurt!? Why only you…”
“Phoebe.”
Snapped back to reality by a melodious voice whispering in her ear, Phoebe slowly lifted her head, following the warmth that enveloped her.
With flowing red hair shining even in darkness.
Gem-clear eyes.
The same reliable smile she always displayed and shoulders that appeared even broader this time.
The moment Phoebe faced Lucy’s face lit by the moon, she felt her nightmare dissipate.
“Have you forgotten how to stand on your own two legs? Or have you perhaps gotten so fat that you can’t even stand anymore?”
“…Hehe. No way that could happen.”
Phoebe pushed against the ground and rose back to her feet, offering a prayer to the cross hanging around her neck.
Oh, great Lord, please give this inadequate person the courage to face the truth.
Grant me the strength to move forward without crumbling before the harsh truth.
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