Chapter 225
The warm atmosphere and the pounding of my heart turned to ice in an instant. The baby-faced Lady, who had been smiling, now stared at me with a face more rigid than ever.
I was at a loss. Why? Why does she look like that? Everything seemed fine just moments ago; I hadn’t said anything weird.
“Your Grace.”
As I stumbled in confusion, the Lady opened her mouth again.
Her voice was soft, but her gaze was ablaze, as if demanding a proper explanation for what I had just said.
“Please explain. What do you mean by living for hundreds of years?”
Fear washed over me. I didn’t know what was causing this reaction from her, but she was clearly angry—this wasn’t just a minor annoyance, her fury was genuine.
“A potion.”
I squeezed the word out with trembling lips.
Of course, this was hardly an adequate explanation. It was just a poorly thought-out remark as I tried to gather my thoughts. If I’d stayed silent, the Lady would have turned on her heels and walked away immediately.
Fortunately, she slumped back onto the couch. Thank goodness. I had at least stalled her immediate departure.
“Do you remember the potion I gave you?”
“Yes, I remember.”
“That potion extends your lifespan.”
Her expression twisted in disbelief.
“It doesn’t take immediate effect; you need to drink it consistently for 40 years to see the benefits. Right now, it’s just good for your health.”
As I instinctively added that explanation, her conflicted expression calmed a little.
It was then that I realized: the Lady might dislike the idea of living longer. It wasn’t just about the discomfort of the unknown; she genuinely hated the thought.
‘Why?’
I couldn’t understand. Wanting to live longer is a universal wish that everyone shares.
My father had wished to live a life like mine, and my mother had devoted her life to making him into a longevity being.
It wasn’t just my parents—everyone I knew longed for a longer life.
Even the past Emperors and countless nobles, not to mention the priests who professed to follow the will of the gods, had all quietly envied me. As death drew near, they would look at me with desperate eyes.
Having much, wanting more; that’s why they clung to life. They didn’t know what comes after this life, so they wanted to savor every moment.
‘It was all like that…’
Even ordinary commoners, not just the royals and nobles, wished for longevity. Those who had little were just as eager as those with more to hold onto life.
They feared death. Naturally, they were terrified of leaving behind the world they thought they understood to step into the unknown.
‘Naturally, the Lady would want that too…’
The Lady lacked nothing. Wealth, honor, power, and personal strength—she had it all. So, I thought for sure she’d want to live forever.
She could enjoy hundreds of years filled with even greater glory than what she had now. I assumed she’d be delighted to revel in life alongside me.
Sure, it would be strange at first. It’s a bit unsettling to suddenly have your lifespan extended like that; no one would take it lightly.
But still, I thought she’d learn to appreciate it eventually.
“Your Grace.”
After a moment of silence, the Lady spoke again.
“Why did you go and do that?”
Just those few words, but they were packed with powerful emotions.
I could tell she was holding back; there were plenty of things she wanted to say but was biting her tongue.
“I thought you would want to live longer—”
“Why?”
Before I could finish my thought, she cut me off. It was a situation I’d never encountered; not something a Duke experiences.
Of course, she wanted to see me as a man rather than a Duke—but that didn’t mean I was immune to her anger. In fact, it was heartwarming to know she saw me as just Beatrix.
Still, this wasn’t the scenario I wanted. I didn’t want her to be so angry she forgot I was a Duke.
“Why did you assume that?”
My hands started to tremble, my mind blank from trying to form a proper reply.
I had thought she would obviously want a longer life and would be happy about it. But what if she rejected longevity? What could I possibly say then?
“…You know what I went through.”
As I stood there speechless, her voice softened.
“You know how difficult it was for me to see those I hold dear depart…”
I knew; how could I not? I remembered how heart-wrenching it was for her after the war ended and she had to say goodbye to those she loved.
‘That’s when I first saw her.’
I met her right after the war. I heard tales of an extraordinary child who had miraculously survived, and I was curious.
But through our subsequent meetings, I learned more about her—she was a girl who had been forced to part ways with precious connections at such a young age, just like I had lost my parents.
‘She was different from me.’
Nevertheless, she stood strong. She fought through her suffering, trying to continue on without a hitch. Unlike me, who had wandered aimlessly after losing my parents.
In fact, I was preparing myself to lose my father. Yet even then, I was confused, while she bore it all alone.
That was when I began to see her not as just a subject of study but as a person. As someone who had built a love story of her own.
‘So that’s how it was.’
I fell for her. I wanted to make her happy. I wished to live forever with her.
I wanted to turn the pain of losing precious connections into a mere memory and share love with her. I wanted to ensure she wouldn’t have to confront the fear of death far too soon.
The sorrow of losing connections often leads to the fear of facing one’s own mortality. A sudden parting with someone would always cast a shadow, reminding you that your time could come too.
‘That’s why…’
While my intentions were to protect her, my choice became an unnecessary interference in her life.
“Your Grace.”
“Uh, yes. Speak.”
I quickly lifted my gaze back to her voice.
And the moment I saw her face, I froze.
“Do you intend to make me suffer that pain again?”
Her expression was either a blank stare or one that looked like she was about to cry. Strange words. How could a blank expression convey sadness?
“If I live for hundreds of years, how many more will I have to lose?”
But she was definitely crying. Though no tears fell and her face didn’t twist into a grimace, there was sadness beneath.
“…To you, it might seem like just a fleeting relationship, but I have many connections to cherish.”
Her words made my head spin in a completely different way than before.
“How many of those connections would I have to lose?”
I stood in silence, unable to reply as she gave me a resentful look.
Why couldn’t I understand such a simple thought? No matter how long the Lady lived, she was still human.
To me, everyone except my parents became mere acquaintances. No matter how long someone lived, I saw all of them as momentary connections.
Outside my parents and my beloved Lady, everyone else faded into memories that could be forgotten.
‘That can’t be the case for her.’
I was foolish. I had only seen the world through my own lens. For her, those relationships were not fleeting moments; they were lifelong bonds.
If her lifespan increased, it didn’t transform those bonds into fleeting moments. It meant those she’d believed she’d nurture would leave her far sooner than she expected.
“…I apologize, Your Grace. Please forgive my rudeness.”
As my feelings of shame washed over me, I stared at the Lady, who stood up and bowed her head.
“Surely if you did so, you must have a good reason. I dare not challenge you again.”
Such polite words cut a clear line between us.
I recalled just moments ago, when we had shared laughter and comfort. The chilling gap felt like it would choke me, and I felt tears threaten to spill.
“Ah, Lady. I… I didn’t mean—”
No, this cannot end like this.
I had hurt her with my ignorance and stubbornness. I needed to apologize, right here and now…
“I won’t dare show my face to you again.”
Those words stopped my outstretched hand.
The way she glanced at me, filled with disappointment, left me paralyzed.
Of course, I needed to stop her. I had to say I was wrong; I had to beg for forgiveness.
But my body wouldn’t respond. A wave of shock overwhelmed me, rendering me immobile.
“I won’t dare show my face to you again.”
Those words carried the weight of accountability for her rudeness, yet what they truly meant was she never wanted to see me again.
Above all, those horrifying and fearful words echoed in my ears. The happiness we had shared had crumbled like a lie.
And as my happiness turned to despair, I spotted the comb lying on the table. It was a clean white, luxurious design.
“It might be useless for Your Grace, but still, it’s a humble token from me. Please don’t refuse it. Between us, such a thing means little, doesn’t it?”
‘No.’
I clutched the comb tightly with trembling hands. If I didn’t grab it now, it would surely slip away from me.
‘No…’
Tears flowed down my cheeks. It was the first gift I had ever received from the Lady, a treasure that could never be bought by selling the Ducal Lands.
Yet, this would become a mere final memory. It was a symbol of a horrendous split between me and the Lady, something I should hold most dearly.
“NO!”
A scream burst forth.
This cannot end here. Even if the Lady never forgave me, even if she resented me for a lifetime, I had to apologize. I didn’t want to be known as an atrociously selfish being; at the very least, I needed to be remembered as considerate.
So I ran. I had never sprinted for the sake of a noble’s dignity or a duke’s honor, but right now, those concerns felt worthless.
“L-Lady!”
“What do you mean—?”
The more I ran, the more astonished voices echoed around me, growing even louder.
It didn’t matter. My authority held no value now.
‘Lady.’
I kept running, focusing on locating her. If I could sense her mana, I could teleport directly to her.
But it wasn’t that straightforward. Magic is deeply influenced by the user’s mental state. If I was confused and out of sorts, could I really manage my spells?
‘Lady…!’
So I just kept running.
Without dignity, authority, or magic left to my name, that was all I could do.
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