Chapter: 162
“Wow, you’ve really improved. Congratulations.”
“Oh, Commander!”
The Commander of the Ranger Corps appeared with his trademark expressionless face to congratulate Noah. Only then did the tension in Noah’s face begin to melt away.
“What brings you here…?”
“Isn’t it odd that no one has shown up despite such a big fight going on?”
“Oh…”
Noah’s face turned slightly red at that comment.
“The other members sent the knights away after hearing the commotion, so you don’t have to worry.”
Noah could easily detect the hidden consideration in the Commander’s cold, almost detached voice. Knowing he had a warm side underneath that tough exterior, Noah smiled and thanked him sincerely.
Just as the Commander nodded and opened his mouth to suggest that he headed back, Noah grabbed him with a serious expression. The Commander turned to Noah with an indifferent face.
“Um… if you don’t mind…”
After a long pause, Noah finally managed to exhale the words she had been holding back.
“Could you… help me with a consultation?”
At that, the Commander raised an eyebrow and glanced around, then lightly whistled. Suddenly, the presence of others vanished—the waiting Ranger Corps had retreated back to camp.
Noah swallowed hard as she looked at the silence settling in the forest. The thought of revealing her hidden feelings was making her palms sweaty from nerves. She felt an urge to take back her words but bit her lip to resist.
‘…I can’t waste any more time.’
Ever since she realized her desires a while ago, Noah hadn’t been able to sleep well at night. The sticky affection and ugly greed wrapped up in that desire felt excruciatingly raw.
I want to protect someone.
I want to die for someone.
While those could be seen as noble words, buried beneath them was a chilling desire for her death to become a chain for someone, a wound that would be remembered forever.
In her mind, angels and demons were whispering back and forth, creating a chaos within her.
The angel whispered, “That desire is just an obsessive need to brand others.”
Then the demon murmured, “In the end, isn’t it just a noble sacrifice for others? Isn’t it okay to want that?”
Sometimes the angel’s opinion turned into the demon’s, and vice versa.
Noah was lost in confusion. Was her desire a ‘sin’? A ‘noble sacrifice’?
As her confusion deepened, she felt the absence of Julianna more acutely. Since arriving in the Empire, Julianna, who had often drifted into sleep, had not woken up and remained in a state of constant slumber.
Though Julianna had a fundamentally good will, her essence was maintained by “Magic.” Because of that, with the amount of magic in the Empire being nearly zero, she couldn’t stay awake for long.
It was precisely for this reason that Noah sought the Ranger Commander instead of Julianna, who had always been her support.
The Commander was known for being reticent yet wise, serving as a counselor for various Ranger Corps members with diverse circumstances, making it easier for Noah to gather her courage to ask for help.
‘To overcome the wall, what’s needed is will, conviction, and time… and the courage to face one’s own desires.’
Noah thought back to the blood-red advice given by the Duke.
‘…If I could get this off my chest, maybe I could overcome the wall.’
Although it seemed somewhat naive to think a wall could easily be crossed like that, considering the Duke’s advice, it wasn’t entirely absurd.
Before her thoughts could deepen further, the Commander looked at Noah and said.
“Let’s take a walk.”
“..! Yes!”
The two began to walk without a word. Though there was no proper path, they moved along the slightly flat terrain. Once there were no signs of life around them, Noah quietly opened her mouth.
“Commander, what drove you to become strong?”
“A reason…”
The Commander fell silent for a moment, but soon, a heavy confession followed.
“At first, it was for survival, and then… well, at some point, I took up the sword because I wanted to protect someone.”
In his self-deprecating voice, hidden feelings of disgust shone through. Feelings of hatred and regret toward himself wafted like a foul smell. Noah momentarily lost her words in the choking weight of his tone.
Seeing the Commander’s visible scars, even Noah, blessed with newfound courage, felt a pang of solidarity. She was certain that he could help her confront her ugly desires and heart with his cold gaze.
“Commander… the truth is, I have a strange desire I can’t share with others.”
Once the hesitation lifted, her words flowed out like a dam bursting. Even though she didn’t explicitly mention “Lian,” her desire to become stronger to protect someone—and to die instead of them—came out raw and unfiltered.
As her tense shoulders loosened with every word, she gradually drooped, unable to meet the Commander’s gaze.
It felt as though she were standing at the gallows.
Buzz…
The bugs, which had been holding their breath due to the tension between the Duke and Noah, had begun to chirp at some point. The silence hanging between the two was filled with the sound of insects. Before long, Noah opened her mouth again.
Noah began pouring out words filled with guilt, as if she believed the verdict on her desires had already been decided as ‘hell.’
“I… I know my desire isn’t right. I also know that at the end of that path lies nothing but a cruel abyss.”
It was as if she wanted to be judged that her desires were a ‘sin’ as she lifted her gaze to meet the Commander’s.
“…!”
He was looking at something in the air, not Noah, with a sorrowful smile. That smile was so painfully bittersweet that Noah momentarily lost her words. It felt as if she could see his unhealed scars.
“It doesn’t matter whether your desire is good or evil.”
He continued speaking in a slow voice.
“The most important thing is whether you can protect what you want to protect from all the evil in this world. Worrying about good or evil, well, that’s quite a— arrogant concern.”
Each time he blinked, Noah felt as if something was writhing in front of her.
“If you truly value someone, losing them will render your worries useless.”
The Commander’s expression remained calm as he continued.
“So… live as you wish, freely, without regrets.”
In that indifferent expression lurked an unmeasurable despair. It felt as if a silent scream echoed within her. Noah was left speechless, holding her breath.
After a bit of time had passed, the Commander said he would head back first and left the spot. Noah sighed softly as she gazed at the spot where he had stood.
‘The Commander must have given that advice because he lost so many precious people along the way.’
While his advice wasn’t wrong, it didn’t provide substantial help. Ultimately, she still couldn’t figure out if her desires were good or evil.
‘…I guess I can only wait for Julianna to wake up.’
Noah thought the commander’s advice was useless for her right now—but in the not-so-distant future, she would deeply regret not heeding his words.
*
With Lian’s resolve to leave, Iris, scared of him going away, and Jess, who was just thinking of gobbling him up at every turn, the three stayed close together.
To put it accurately—Lian was the one holding Jess and refusing to let go.
“Go back to your original spot!”
“No way!”
“You’re making my brother uncomfortable!”
“Isn’t he fine with me?”
Jess tilted her head up at Lian, hugging his waist. She seemed to know he would never push her away, her tail wagging playfully as she grinned cheekily.
“Iris, I’m good. I’m not uncomfortable. Hahaha…”
To be honest, it was uncomfortable. It felt strange for a mature cat-like creature like her to be so close, considering how quickly she was developing. If they hadn’t been so close since childhood, he might have spilled blood from how many times he could have accidentally bumped into her.
That said, he kept Jess close mainly because of the cheerful Iris.
‘If Jess isn’t here, the mood turns heavy immediately…’
Without Jess around, Iris would be giving Lian the death glare as if she were about to present a contract stating “I’ll never leave!” or something.
Given his resolve to leave, it felt like any constant questioning might just spill all the beans. So, he had no choice but to use Jess as a shield to escape Iris’s relentless glares.
‘At this point, I’ve mostly gotten used to it.’
He stroked Jess’s soft, puppy-like fuzzy head.
“Hehe…”
Though she was physically an adult, her mindset was still childlike! It was almost comical how Jess responded so innocently. To say he was completely indifferent would be a lie, but—he was becoming accustomed to her innocent reactions and the lingering touches.
‘Of course, doing this isn’t filled with ulterior motives.’
Thinking that allowed Lian to ease his heart and become slightly negligent.
“He…”
That was all part of Jess’s cunning plan. The moment a relaxed prey gives a hint of vulnerability, the hunter Jess would pounce and swallow him whole. At that moment, a sly yet dangerous smile flickered across Jess’s face.
“Yo—”
Only Iris noticed that. Jess, whenever Lian would look at her, would make sure to droop her ears to make it easier for him to pat her, flashing a innocent yet slightly daft puppy-like expression.
That made it so Lian completely failed to realize he was unwittingly walking right into her maw, lost in “animal therapy.”
As soon as Lian’s gaze drifted away from Jess’s face, she shot a wink at Iris with gleaming eyes.
“Why?”
Iris’s mind swirled at that treacherous scene. Every time this sort of thing happened, she would boil with rage, but she always ended up losing.
That was largely due to Iris mistaking her emotions as ‘love’ rather than ‘sibling affection.’ Fighting over someone you love is totally different from letting a different girl have your brother. The “Bracom” she would shout contained a tricky nuance.
No matter how much she tried to become close with Lian, because they were ‘family,’ she couldn’t take the relationship further. Words meant to make their bond special had, instead, become chains binding them. Because of that, Iris ended up participating in the fight with one of her hands partially tied behind her back.
It was around the time Iris’s insides were boiling while Jess’s flirty touches were increasingly crossing the line.
“We’re almost at the village! Everyone get ready to regroup!”
With the soldier’s booming voice, Lian recalled past small villages they had passed through.
‘All of them were in such poor condition.’
With snow falling all year round and the ground hard, farming was nearly impossible. It was hard to find a village that thrived. As the Empire prepared for war against the Demon King’s Army, the barren lands had only worsened.
There was also a closed culture where it was natural for people to live and die in their birthplace, making it easy to spot those who had starved or frozen to death.
The Duke had his knights and soldiers hunt to share the meat they obtained in exchange for supplies. Meanwhile, they repaired weapons and resource stocks in the village while hunting down nearby monsters.
Thanks to Lian’s Divine Power, there was no worry of injury, and everyone actively followed orders.
‘At the very least, they need to still be breathing.’
If they could just keep them from dying, he could restore some of that lost health. It wasn’t a panacea, so it wouldn’t make the starving bodies healthy again, but—at the very least, he could give them the strength to chew and digest their food.
As time passed and the village drew closer, Lian was presented with sights shocking enough to turn his worries into outright ‘disbelief.’
“Darn it!”
“Hey! That’s crooked!”
“Take a break to eat!”
Lush green grass and fertile land tilled with hoe-shaped tools, residents flourishing instead of starving, workers in thin shirts with sleeves rolled up to their elbows, without even a coat.
“What in the…”
The Duke himself couldn’t help his surprise at the warm appearance of the village.
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