Chapter 142:
When a previously bustling space suddenly falls silent, it sends an eerie chill down my spine. It feels as if I’ve been abruptly dropped into an entirely different realm. Even if the silence isn’t my fault, it still gives me that strange sensation.
And what if it is my fault? I don’t particularly want to know, but it seems I might find out today.
“Lady Louise.”
“Oh, Senior?”
The moment the noble lady made her entrance, the classroom fell into a hushed silence. Wow, I didn’t know it was possible for a classroom to be this quiet. It’s fascinating.
It felt as if a hawk had swooped down into a flock of sparrows. Just the presence of one person suppressed the entire classroom. Honestly, calling Senior a hawk feels like an understatement.
What’s going on?
And I really can’t figure out why someone of her stature would come looking for me in the classroom. Sure, we got somewhat closer over the break, but it’s not club time, and there’s really no reason for her to be here now.
Plus, she’s the vice president of the student council, so she usually doesn’t budge unless it’s something important. What on earth—
Ah.
A cold sweat broke out as a possible reason suddenly came to mind. There’s a reason Senior would go out of her way to come to a classroom full of first-years.
If it’s something about oppa, then neither the student council duties nor our grade difference would be an obstacle for her. Especially if someone’s trying to climb into oppa’s side.
Have I been caught?
I clenched my teeth. I was determined not to show my feelings for oppa until she became his official fiancée. If I rushed ahead and got caught trying to aim for the first position, it would draw her wrath and ire upon me.
But it seems like my feelings for oppa might have been found out. I have no clue how she figured it out, but her appearance here makes no sense unless it relates to oppa.
No, wait. There might be some other reason I’m unaware of.
“Can I ask you something? Do you have a moment?”
“Yes, y-yes… of course.”
“Thank you.”
I found myself stuttering after making eye contact with Senior.
Forget any other reasons; my gut feeling seems pretty accurate here. Though she smiles gently, her eyes are shining sharply.
Honestly, it’s scary. It reminds me of the first time I saw her. No, even more terrifying than that.
“This isn’t something for others to hear, so let’s step outside.”
With those words, I cautiously followed Senior as she turned away.
Thank goodness.
Lucky for me, Irina and Erich were both out on different errands. At least I don’t have to worry about them. That’s a little relief…
And a tiny spark of hope flickered within me. If Senior were furious, she would have treated me like a stray cat in front of everyone. But choosing to have a quiet conversation instead of public scorn suggests she isn’t completely outraged.
Everything’s going to be fine.
I reassured myself. If Senior isn’t angry, then it’s okay. I’m not after her position. How could I possibly dare? I’m more than satisfied being in second place. Surely she can see that.
Will she, though?
A troubling thought emerged. What if Senior simply won’t tolerate any other ladies at all? What if she desires not just to be the first but the only one?
A wave of fear crashed behind my tiny flicker of hope. No, please not that! If that’s the case, I wouldn’t be able to confess to oppa at all and would be cut off at Senior’s decree.
I could feel my lips trembling, but there was nothing I could do. If Senior wanted to be the only one, what could I say? Do I even have the right to ask for a concession from someone who loves oppa even more than I do, and who has loved him longer than I have?
Oh, Enen.
I swear I’ll start attending church more diligently from now on. When Tannian goes, I’ll definitely be going with him.
So please, Senior, let there be room for another lady too.
As I fervently poured out a year’s worth of pleading prayers, Senior’s steps halted in a quiet spot.
“Here should be good.”
Her words felt almost like, This is your endzone!
“Lady Louise.”
“Yes, Senior?”
“I dislike those who covet what is mine.”
She said this with a soft smile, leaving my mind completely blank.
What on earth did she mean by “mine”? The first position? Or oppa himself? If it refers to that position, there’s hope; if it’s oppa himself, then I’m totally doomed. After a straightforward warning like that, I can only imagine what kind of punishment might come if I disturb Senior’s peace.
“My first has always been Carl.”
As Senior maintained her smile, she took a step closer to me.
“The first time I entered a marriage talk was with Carl.”
Then, another step.
“And the first person I ever loved was also Carl.”
With that last step, suddenly, we were so close that I could reach out and touch her.
“The first gift I cherished was from Carl too.”
Senior looked lovingly at the red fan she always carried. So, that fan was a gift from oppa—guess I never knew.
“Carl has taken many of my firsts. So it’s only right that I take his first.”
Her eyes, which only moments ago held warmth, now burned with an unrecognizable fire.
Yikes. I felt a sudden urge to run away right then. But at the same time, the flicker of hope began to brighten.
She said “first.”
It was now clear. Senior’s non-negotiable boundary isn’t oppa himself but rather the first position. As long as I don’t cross that line, everything should be fine.
Then, I know what to say.
“I think so too.”
I nodded vigorously, speaking in the brightest voice I could muster.
“I truly believe it’s a beautiful thing when we exchange our firsts!”
The corners of Senior’s eyes softened just a bit.
I did it. I’m safe.
*
“I really believe it’s a beautiful thing when we exchange our firsts!”
“Hmmm.”
“If he’s taken your firsts, then it’s only fair he should give you his!”
“Hmmm.”
“Honestly, who could even match oppa except someone of your stature, Senior?”
“Hmmmm.”
“You two really are a perfect match.”
“Mhm.”
Score!
How does she manage to say such beautiful and fitting things?
I felt a surge of satisfaction. Lady Louise is indeed an amazing junior. She’s wise, kind-hearted, and has a good eye for detail.
But what pleased me the most is—
She’s not overly greedy.
Lady Louise respects her boundaries.
Wishing for something is understandable. Wanting to be Carl’s wife isn’t a crime—just a simple, adorable aspiration. I mean, who wouldn’t feel that way after seeing him up close?
It’s a cute little desire that doesn’t cross the line. As Carl’s first wife and someone responsible for caring for the servants of the County of Krasius and the people of Tailglehen, wouldn’t I have at least that much tolerance?
Of course. I could always be lenient towards an adorable junior who doesn’t eye my position.
Good.
Once I calmed down, I realized that Lady Louise seems quite suitable.
She was genuine about Carl, ready to face potential backlash from the royals. She isn’t overly ambitious but knows her place well and reacts appropriately to the situation.
Yes, she definitely squeezes through the acceptance test. She’s someone who can approach Carl without hassle.
“Lady Louise. I mentioned that I dislike those who covet what is mine, didn’t I?”
“Ah, yes.”
“But I absolutely love those who respect others.”
Louise’s expression lit up at my words. It’s evident she understands the meaning behind them.
“I’ll cheer you on. Do your best.”
“S-Senior…”
Seeing that touched expression on Louise’s face filled me with pride.
I remembered the days when I just circled around Carl, hoping my feelings would somehow reach him. I can’t just turn away from a junior who’s on the same path.
Of course, the most critical point is Carl’s own feelings. If Carl doesn’t like Louise, there’s nothing I can do.
*
Senior left with a serene smile. Compared to her hawk-like entrance, she departed like a graceful swan.
I must have bowed several times as she left elegantly.
She said she would support me.
I had imagined the worst scenarios. I thought Senior might get furious, thinking I aimed for the first position, or maybe she wouldn’t tolerate another lady’s presence at all.
But instead of the worst, the best situation came around. Not only did she tolerate me, but she also:
“Do your best.”
She told me to try hard. She granted me permission to act.
Is it my time to move now?
My heart started racing, and I barely suppressed a smile..
Initially, I planned to keep quiet until oppa and Senior were engaged, to avoid any misunderstanding.
But today’s events cleared up that chance for misunderstanding, and I even received encouragement to act. It meant I didn’t have to stay still.
So now I—
Can I show my feelings to oppa, and even get close to him now?
Senior granted permission, and the only thing off-limits is aiming for that first position.
Ahaha!
A laugh slipped out before I even realized it.
I quickly covered my mouth with my hand. Nobody’s around, but this is the academy, after all. I shouldn’t be giggling like this.
Heheh…
This is strange. Even with my mouth covered, I can’t stop laughing.
No, it’s not strange. How could I help but laugh?
Thank you, Senior.
Thank you for giving me this chance.
Thank you, Irina.
Thank you for letting me know there was still a chance.
Wait for me, oppa.
I’ve never looked forward to club time as much as I do today.
*
I almost forgot I was a cowardly fool.
“Louise, is something the matter?”
“Oh, no. Nothing’s wrong at all.”
I awkwardly laughed off oppa’s question.
What’s wrong with me? I even got Senior’s permission, yet I can’t say a thing.
How do I even say it…?
I’m so embarrassed. I want to tell him, but I can’t bear the shyness.
Why am I like this? Why can’t I say anything when the opportunity’s right in front of me?
When I was holding back, I thought I could say it anytime. I thought I had the confidence to confess.
What a fool.
Here I am, served the chance on a silver platter, yet I can’t even take a bite.
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