After finishing lunch and returning to the classroom, just as I was about to open the classroom door, I caught a glimpse of Sylvia sitting in her seat through the window of the door.
I wondered if she had already finished eating, but then I realized I hadn’t seen her at the cafeteria. The fact that she was already in the classroom without ever having eaten from the convenience store menu meant… she must have skipped lunch.
As I contemplated this, I noticed Sylvia letting out a sigh.
Her expression was clouded with deep thoughts.
When the realization struck me that her distress was probably caused by me, I felt uneasy. A heavy sensation pressed down on a corner of my heart.
To be honest, ignoring her would have been the right thing to do if I wanted to keep my distance, but… guilt was nagging at me, and I couldn’t help but head to the convenience store, purchasing some snacks along with a macaroon before returning to the classroom.
“……Sylvia, take this.”
“…Ah, Scarlet? This is……?”
As I placed the items I had bought at the convenience store on Sylvia’s desk, she looked up at me with a confused expression, her head bowed.
I pushed the items toward her, replying, “I don’t know what’s bothering you, but you shouldn’t skip meals. If you don’t eat something, it’ll harm your health, so at least have this.”
“……You bought this for me, didn’t you? Because you thought I skipped lunch…?”
At that, Sylvia looked up at me with a slightly surprised face as if asking what this was all about. The deep guilt reflected in her eyes was evident.
Had moving away from home made her feel this guilty?
I thought she didn’t need to feel that way because I was fine…
Perhaps it was just like Sylvia to feel guilty, but she shouldn’t have to suffer for her health like this. I hoped she could let go of that guilt and said, “I meant to say this when I received your apology earlier, but you don’t have to feel sorry for me. I have no intention of blaming you for that at all. I really don’t mind, so please don’t worry about it anymore, okay?”
I smiled gently at Sylvia to convey I was genuinely okay.
She muttered in a small voice, “……How can I not care? I… I did something so terrible to you, Scarlet… Why are you always… so nice to me…?”
“Hey, I really don’t think it was that terrible. Just eat something quickly; I’m sure you’re hungry.”
Despite my urging, Sylvia hesitated and eventually picked up a bag of bread, taking a bite out of it.
Feeling embarrassed, she slightly blushed as she nibbled on the bread. Suddenly, she looked startled and gazed at the shopping bag in my hand.
“……Um, Scarlet? What’s that…?”
“Oh, this? It’s the cosmetics Florene gave me as an apology. Why do you ask?”
“……No, it’s just that it feels a bit… strange.”
Seeing Sylvia looking at the shopping bag with a puzzled expression, I let out a wry smile.
“Does it seem strange to you? It’s not something that suits me, right? They say it’s really expensive cosmetics; it feels like a waste. I have no interest in personal grooming, so I would have preferred if it went to someone like you, Sylvia. Hahaha…”
To be honest, I thought it was odd too.
I mean, of all things, cosmetics?
I had never applied anything other than skin cream and lotion to my face in my life, and I really felt that this was the most mismatched item for me.
However, Sylvia frowned as if she disagreed with my comment.
“……What’s not suitable about it?”
“……Huh? Well, the thing is, I’ve never used cosmetics and don’t intend to…”
“……Scarlet, how can you be like that?”
Upon hearing my response, Sylvia glared at me with a look of annoyance.
…Did I make some kind of mistake?
As I nervously glanced at her, she suddenly exclaimed loudly.
“Scarlet! It’s good to care about others, but you should also take better care of yourself! There’s a limit to being altruistic; you need to be selfish to a certain degree! You keep buying things like macarons for me, but you never eat anything yourself! Why is that? You’re not afraid to spend money on others, but is it too much to spend on yourself?”
“No, I… I mean…”
“Buying cosmetics isn’t unsuitable at all! You’ve never used it? That’s because you’ve never bought it! You always wear the same plain clothes unless I buy them for you! I get that you might have had it tough before, but don’t you have things you want now that you have some money? Don’t hesitate to spend it on yourself! It’s so frustrating to watch you—it makes me angry!”
With a frown, Sylvia abruptly rose from her seat and grabbed my shoulder.
Then, looking on the verge of tears, she implored me, “Please, I’m begging you, value yourself a bit more than others…”
Feeling her earnest plea, I had no choice but to nod in agreement.
After taking a few deep breaths, Sylvia returned to her seat, gazing at the shopping bag I held with a complicated expression, before sighing and murmuring to me, “If you wear makeup, you’d definitely suit it.”
Of course, I couldn’t nod in agreement with that statement.
It wasn’t like I was going to wear makeup or anything.
*
“I’m back.”
After finishing class and stepping through the front door, I said that, but as expected, there was no response.
Yoon Si-woo wouldn’t be back for a week starting today, so I was all alone at home.
I let out a sigh of disappointment, then entered my room and organized my things, shoving the shopping bag containing the cosmetics into a corner.
I wouldn’t touch it until I decided to sell it or something.
Determined, I made my way to the living room with a kitchen to prepare dinner.
With Yoon Si-woo absent, naturally, the menu was stir-fried bean sprouts.
Someone might ask if I was sick of eating stir-fried bean sprouts again, but for me right now, I wouldn’t mind having it three times a day.
Actually, eating only that might be for the best.
Someone once said…
You can’t relive memories, but you can relive tastes through cooking.
At least during the moments I was enjoying the food my mother used to make, I could recall the happiest moments of my life.
Suddenly, thoughts of my mother crossed my mind.
What would she say if she saw me now?
Would she be sad watching me struggle?
Or would she praise me for holding on despite the hardships?
I wished for the latter as I finished every last bite of the stir-fried bean sprouts.
After washing the dishes and taking a shower, night fell before I knew it.
I lay down on the bed a bit earlier.
The bed I had recently purchased was worth the money, soft and really comfortable.
Lying there, I recalled the conversation I had with Sylvia earlier.
I wanted to show this bed to her, who told me to spend a little on myself.
“Look at this, I treat myself to such luxuries too,” I wanted to say.
Ah, luxury.
A bed was essentially a tool for sleeping comfortably.
So, for me, this bed was truly a luxury item.
To sleep well, a bed must be useful, don’t you think?
I chuckled to myself and stood up.
I curled up on the bed.
Sleeping was fundamentally an act to give your mind a break.
But if there wasn’t someone beside me to help solve things when they got tough, the act of resting my mind was a rather extravagant affair for me now.
So I couldn’t sleep.
With Yoon Si-woo gone, I needed to keep my mind sharp.
A deep sleep was only permitted for me once a week, on the day Yoon Si-woo was home.
The reason why I bought this bed was simply that I didn’t want to worry Yoon Si-woo needlessly.
Although I had considered buying it on installment, I opted for a lump sum because I wasn’t sure how long I could endure this life.
If I suddenly died while paying in installments, that would be a burden, right?
Well, I’d manage to get by at least as much as I could.
As long as my mind could endure.
I wouldn’t lose.
Determined, I pondered how I would spend this long night and eventually started counting sheep.
“One sheep… two sheep…”
And then
“Fifteen thousand six hundred thirty-two sheep…”
As I counted, it seemed morning arrived.
You may also like Mesugaki Tank Enters The Academy
