Chapter: 125
The way the Princess referred to her older brother had changed. It was just a matter of calling him by his name, but considering how she usually appended titles like “Sir” or “Lady” to everyone, this change was even more noticeable.
Originally, no one really called her older brother by his first name. At most, his mother, the Countess, was the only one daring enough to do so.
Anyway, perhaps because they had reached a level of familiarity where calling him by name was allowed, it seemed the Princess’s gaze towards her brother had grown warmer.
‘Ah, she always did look at him like that.’
Come to think of it, she had always had those warm eyes. I must’ve been mistaken.
Still, it’s a relief. It seems her brother has resolved his issues.
‘So it was the Princess all along.’
The person her brother had closed himself off from and the one he wanted to confide in. It had to be her. No other scenario could have led to such a transformation.
Sure, it’s totally reasonable. The Princess has always kept an eye on her brother and expressed her affection for him. He must have treasured her just as much.
It’s only natural. Yup, definitely natural.
‘It’s obvious, isn’t it?’
Unlike me, who first met her brother at the Academy, the Princess had known him long before that. While I was a burden to him, merely relying on him, she actively showed him kindness.
And unlike me, a baron’s daughter, the Princess hailed from a ducal family. So naturally, her brother likely sees her as more dependable than me.
No matter how I mulled it over, it seemed like there were far more reasons for her brother to confide in the Princess than to confide in me. I wasn’t naive enough to overlook that fact.
‘But why…?’
Why does my heart ache so much?
It’s a good thing, isn’t it? Her brother has resolved his troubles, and the Princess is getting closer to him. I even managed to repay a small fraction of the debt I owed to my brother.
I tried hard to ignore the throbbing. After all, it was a joyous occasion. There’s no reason for me to be feeling like this.
“Oppa.”
But the moment I ran into him in the hallway, the ache only intensified.
Why is this happening? It shouldn’t be like this.
“I’m glad things seem to be going well for you.”
I finally managed to smile. I couldn’t let my worries tarnish his bright expression, now could I?
“Ah, yes.”
I wondered if my smile looked weird, but it seemed to have passed since he nodded lightly. I was glad I didn’t give him any new worries when he had just sorted out his previous ones.
Even upon a second glance, her brother’s expression was bright. While he usually had this weirdly serious face, right now he looked peaceful.
The dark circles under his eyes were still there though. I guess that’s really just a sign of overwork without any deeper reasons behind it. What a shame.
“It was all thanks to you. I appreciate it.”
While I was gazing at him, her brother spoke. Thanks to me, thanks to me. I was able to help my brother.
Just that one statement brought an involuntary smile to my face. The joy of having aided him was overwhelming.
However, along with that joy came a hint of regret. If I could be of help to him, then I wished he could have shared his thoughts with me too.
I had shown my heart only to her brother, but it seems I was the only one doing so.
‘I wasn’t the only one for him, after all.’
The ache sharpened.
“In the end, it was your achievement, oppa. You’re incredible.”
What a vile and embarrassing emotion! Pouring my heart out to my brother was just my one-sided whining, wasn’t it? Expecting him to feel the same was way too childish of me.
Thus, I didn’t express those selfish thoughts. I simply congratulated him with a grin.
“I really appreciate it.”
When he patted my shoulder, I nearly burst into tears.
What a weirdo of a situation. I keep mixing weird feelings into moments that should be purely filled with joy.
“Mar would be grateful too. I didn’t properly explain why I turned down her proposal before, so it’s a little embarrassing to be only saying this now.”
I nodded my head at my brother’s embarrassed admission.
I wasn’t aware of the proposal between him and the Princess, but it didn’t surprise me considering how evident her affections were.
It’s impressive that the Princess continues to show unwavering affection even after being rejected, and it makes me feel sorry for her brother—having to deal with his reasons for not accepting her proposal.
“Hey, Oppa.”
“Yeah?”
Suddenly, a thought struck me. What if her brother had a specific reason for rejecting the marriage proposal and had confided that to the Princess?
And if upon hearing that reason, the Princess underwent such drastic change that she began to call her brother by his name…
“Um, I’m sorry for the personal question, but… does that mean you and the Princess…?”
“Ah.”
That was way too personal of a question. I knew I had no right to ask, but I couldn’t stop it. It felt like my instincts were demanding an answer ASAP.
My rationale held me back, so I couldn’t complete the sentence. But her brother understood what I had wanted to ask and stroked his chin thoughtfully.
“I don’t know when it will happen, but maybe there will be another proposal.”
“I see.”
I nodded as rapidly as I could in response to his answer.
“Congratulations!”
“Isn’t it a bit too early for that?”
Seeing her brother chuckle, I couldn’t help but laugh back. I had to do it, or else I might make a weird face.
After a few more exchanges, her brother left, thanking me repeatedly.
Proposal.
I gently pressed my hand against my chest, which had been aching since the earlier moments.
The fact that her brother and the Princess will get married.
The throbbing in my heart intensified.
Ah, so that’s what was going on. So that’s it.
It wasn’t solely about gratitude.
I realized too late. It wasn’t until I saw my brother with someone else that I understood my own heart.
It wasn’t simply a wish to repay him. I wanted to be seen and to receive his attention.
‘I liked him.’
A hollow laugh escaped me. Why did it take me so long to figure this out?
Was I shackled by my past, or did I simply not listen to my own feelings?
What does it matter? Either way, the end result is the same.
‘I’m such a fool.’
I should have realized it when I confided my past to my brother. It wasn’t some whimsical statement I made.
I opened up because I trusted him and because I wanted him to acknowledge me.
My mind may have said otherwise, but my heart already knew it all along. That was my last chance.
‘I’m a fool and a coward.’
I confided in my brother because I viewed him as special and hoped he would treat me as such in return, sharing his own past.
Yes, that would be it. Otherwise, I wouldn’t feel disappointed or regretful.
How embarrassing. I inadvertently revealed my feelings without even being aware of it and then felt downcast about being turned down.
‘I must’ve been punished.’
But who can I blame? It’s all my fault, isn’t it? I was the one who chose to close my eyes and ears to unpleasant realities.
And I was the one who pushed people away due to my personal history. Erich, Ainter, Rutis, Lather, Tannian… I pushed them all away.
Having ignored others’ feelings, now it’s time for my own feelings to be ignored, too. Yes, I deserved this.
‘If only I had caught on sooner.’
If I had to learn it sooner or later, I would’ve preferred it to be earlier. Then I could at least have made a move before it was too late.
If that had been impossible, I wish I had never known. Then I wouldn’t feel this relentless ache.
‘If only back then…’
When I discussed things with my brother…
I slapped my cheeks with both palms, snapping out of a thought I shouldn’t have entertained.
Wake up, Louise. Just how cowardly can you get?
The Princess was brave and tenacious in her affections for her brother, in sharp contrast to me. I had no right to get in the way.
Something trickled down my cheeks. Did I hit myself too hard? It hurts so much that tears are running down.
Yep, it’s definitely the pain.
Walked without any destination in mind and ended up somewhere completely unexpected.
Honestly, did it even matter where I wound up? Given how I felt right now, I’d probably be miserable even in heaven.
As I looked around, I found myself in a familiar location. The door led to Irina’s room. Of all places, I ended up at Irina’s!
Did I come here seeking comfort? Was my own foolishness and cowardice leading me to crave a little solace?
Staring blankly at the door, I turned around. I should just return to my room for a bit—
“Oh, Louise?”
I heard Irina’s voice as the door opened.
Is today just not my day?
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