Blood flows, and strength seeps from my body.
The heart, unable to function any longer, slowly comes to a halt.
Consciousness fades like a dying candle.
Pain and noise gradually dissipate.
I’ve experienced this sensation several times already.
For a fleeting moment, I become numb, a brief death.
Experiencing death is frightening, no matter how often it happens.
That brief moment of feeling nothing is so comfortable.
It makes me think that I want to let everything go in this state.
But desperately, I force myself to erase those thoughts that unbidden come to mind.
I promised myself to live strongly
and be happy while I’m alive.
*
Slowly, consciousness returns.
Noise intrudes upon the quiet world.
It’s loud.
I mutter inwardly to be quiet, grabbing my head and hitting it hard.
With the pain, the annoying noise reduces somewhat.
Yet, the noise still lingers.
It’s noisy, noisy… noisy…
Huh? Is it noisy… me?
No, it’s quiet.
It was quiet.
As I lift my body and open my eyes, I see only silence surrounding me.
The children staring at me with sealed lips show no signs of breathing.
Seeing me being stabbed to death shocked them, perhaps?
Even though they must have witnessed my death multiple times, it seems they haven’t gotten used to it yet.
As I think about this, I notice Martina, today’s instructor, trembling with a shocked expression as she mutters.
“No… I just wanted them to hit each other and fight… That was all…”
As I look at Martina muttering, our eyes meet.
She flinches, shuddering, then approaches me and opens her trembling voice.
“Are you… um… okay? No, you can’t be okay. Damn…”
Martina, who was talking to herself, looked upset.
She probably feels unnecessarily responsible because of what happened to me during training.
Not knowing exactly what happened to me, she might think it was her fault for the incident.
After all, I was aware that I was being watched from outside.
It was something that shouldn’t be exposed to others, so when she spoke, it was in a voice that only Yoon Si-woo could hear.
Since I had clung on to stab my own heart, it must have appeared from the outside that I was just recklessly attacking and ended up fatally injured.
But seeing her react like that makes me feel inexplicably sorry.
I opened my mouth to relieve even a bit of her burden of responsibility.
“Um… You don’t need to worry. I’m used to dying during training.”
“…Don’t lie. There’s no way you could get used to that… No matter how intensive Eve’s classes are, she wouldn’t have students go through that level of training.”
“Well, during regular classes, it doesn’t happen, but back in that special class…”
“Hey, even if you say that, you should have only died two or three times at most in a day; there’s no way you’d get used to it. I mean, I wouldn’t say I’m used to dying after enduring five consecutive hellish classes from the teacher when I mentioned early graduation…”
“…Well, I did die more than five times…”
Martina looked at me with suspicion.
“How many times did you die during that special class…?”
After a moment’s hesitation, I spread my fingers wide and held them up to her.
“…Really? Ten times? I can’t believe that…”
Shaking my head slowly, I refuted her claim.
Seeing this, Martina bit her lips as if she was holding something back, then gently ruffled my hair with a wistful expression.
“…Are you suddenly feeling wrong for wanting to lie? Alright, I can see you’re trying not to worry me, but you don’t need to. I was wrong…”
“Huh? No, that’s not it… I meant ten times in terms of magnitude. I probably died about 50 times that day…”
At my correction, Martina’s expression turned to one of disbelief.
“…What? Fifty times? No way… are you serious?”
Mei nodded.
As Martina scanned the other kids for their reactions, they all nodded as well.
With a voice trembling as if she had heard an unbelievable truth, she asked.
“How could this… No, more importantly, what kind of madman would do that to a child?”
“Well, it was Instructor Natalia Eloise.”
“Damn it, Natalia, that crazy woman. I knew she was bad, but I never expected it to that extent…”
Martina trembled slightly, looking at me cautiously, she asked.
“…Are you really in your right mind?”
Martina, asking if I’m in my right mind.
I almost nodded in response but hesitated for a moment.
Huh? Come to think of it, am I actually in my right mind?
Being in the right mind refers to one’s true mental state.
However, I am currently in the body of Scarlet Evande, inhabited by another consciousness.
So can I say that I am in my right mind?
As I pondered this, it became a rather philosophical question.
It reminded me of the question I once saw while trying to access an internet site: “Are you human?”
When I saw that question, I wondered, “Am I indeed human?” and it was as perplexing as this.
Thus, I was buried in thought, contemplating whether I was in my right mind.
In front of me, I could hear Martina’s murmurs filled with pity.
“I thought you didn’t fear injury and were fearless, but it turned out that caused the issue… What on earth have I done to such a poor child…”
Lifting my head, I saw Martina gazing at me with great pity.
Huh, am I being treated like a child who is not in their right mind just because I didn’t answer earlier?
Feeling a sudden sense of crisis, I quickly spoke to her.
“Um, I’m completely mentally stable. I’m totally fine.”
“Right… I suppose you would be…”
Martina’s response was filled with pity.
This person didn’t even listen to my words.
It seemed I had become imprinted in her mind as a poor child who was not in their right mind.
What should I say to prove that I am indeed sane to someone who thinks that way?
As I racked my brain, Martina muttered in a seemingly irritated voice.
“By the way, Yoon Si-woo, you are not the type to cause such unfortunate accidents… Could it be that you were so distracted by strange thoughts that you lost focus… If that’s the case, what should I say to you…”
As she muttered that, Martina walked over to Yoon Si-woo, who had just emerged from the magic.
Uh, he only did what I asked of him.
Panicking at the thought that Yoon Si-woo might face consequences because of me, I quickly ran to Martina, grabbing her hand and saying.
“D-Don’t say anything to Yoon Si-woo. The fault lies with me…”
“…No, why would you have any fault? Even if you claim you are at fault, the responsibility lies with us for failing to stop it when we have the ability to. And the mistakes of my subordinate are also my responsibility… I genuinely apologize. It’s all my fault.”
Her apology left me frozen.
No, I was the one at fault, yet she suddenly bows her head and apologizes, leaving me at a loss for words!
While I was momentarily shocked, Martina straightened her posture and returned to Yoon Si-woo.
Oh no, Yoon Si-woo, I’m sorry! It’s because of me!
“…Yoon Si-woo, why did this happen? Were you distracted by something?”
Martina approached Yoon Si-woo, who was standing there with his head down, and spoke in a stern tone.
Then Yoon Si-woo quietly mumbled, still with his head bowed.
“…I’m sorry…”
“…Is saying sorry enough? I clearly told you to control your strength, and despite that reckless attack from that student, you should have been able to subdue him without killing him. Even though you are the same age as that student, you are a hero. Inflicting harm on someone who is not a hero due to your negligence is indeed a mistake.”
“I truly… I sincerely apologize…”
Facing a superior, especially someone nearly at the top of the hierarchy, being scolded like that seemed to weigh on Yoon Si-woo.
I felt like cold sweat was forming on my own brow while just watching.
Yoon Si-woo, feeling the pressure, couldn’t even raise his head.
Martina seemed displeased by this and immediately reprimanded him.
“Yoon Si-woo, lift your head. Are you going to stay like that?”
At those words, Yoon Si-woo slowly raised his head.
And when he faced Martina, her mouth closed.
Yoon Si-woo was wearing an expression as if his spirit had been drained away.
Noticing how shocking the situation was, Martina paused for a moment before letting out a deep sigh and murmuring.
“…Right, you must be the one most shocked. I’m the trash for putting you in such a situation… That’s enough; I will continue the class from here on, so you just go over there and rest with that student…”
“…I’m sorry…”
After Martina’s words, Yoon Si-woo managed to muster up a weak apology before trudging toward a corner of the gym.
Huh, did she just tell him to rest with me?
As I glanced at Martina in thought, she looked at me with a face full of guilt, gesturing towards the corner of the gym for me to go rest.
…This is a situation where no matter how much I want to continue attending class, I would be denied permission…
I quietly walked over to the gym corner and sat next to Yoon Si-woo, burying my head between my knees.
Forced to be a sidekick…
I never missed a training session even when I was in the military…
Feeling a tinge of emptiness and dazedly watching the other kids in training, I turned to Yoon Si-woo.
He looked exhausted.
…Honestly, I recognized that I had pushed him too hard.
If I were in his shoes, stabbing a friend would shock me much more than that.
Having the thought that I should apologize, I gently patted on Yoon Si-woo’s shoulder, who was burying his head in his knees.
At that, Yoon Si-woo slowly lifted his head.
Up close, his eyes looked completely dazed.
I guess I really went too far.
And just as I was about to say sorry, I recalled something Yoon Si-woo had previously told me and asked.
“Hey, Yoon Si-woo… are we still friends?”
At my question, Yoon Si-woo slowly nodded.
What a relief.
I had thought that because of today’s incident, he might no longer want to be my friend…
So, with a sense of relief, I smiled and said to Yoon Si-woo.
“Um, about what happened today. Thank you. That’s what I wanted to say.”
Yoon Si-woo previously mentioned that one shouldn’t apologize to their friends.
Thus, I sincerely conveyed my gratitude for fulfilling the unreasonable request.
In response, Yoon Si-woo’s face contorted as if he were about to cry.
…Yoon Si-woo might not be too thrilled about being my friend.
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