Chapter: 114
I quietly slipped out to the balcony, making sure not to attract anyone’s attention. For some odd reason, rainy summers always seemed to put me in a bad mood.
Actually, it wasn’t weird at all; I knew exactly why. I was still stuck in that day, nine years ago, and I just couldn’t let it go.
Looking up at the sky, filled with dark clouds, I thought, of course it’s bleak, just like every time I see it. It felt like my sister’s feelings towards me, weighing me down. It was dark that day too, and it rained cats and dogs.
“I’m sorry, unnie.”
It had been ages since I surpassed my sister’s age. I had grown taller than her, who once seemed so towering when I was a kid. She was frozen in that moment while I kept growing. So sorry, really sorry!
But it didn’t matter how many times I apologized; it wouldn’t reach her. They say good people’s souls linger near their loved ones as guardian spirits, but my sister hated me. She wouldn’t be beside me; she was probably off enjoying herself in heaven.
Still, I couldn’t stop apologizing. It was my fault. It was because of me that she was gone.
“—ise—”
I probably wouldn’t see her even in death, but still…
“Louise?”
At that moment, I felt a weight on my shoulder, and oppa’s voice pulled me from my thoughts.
“O-oppa?”
His sudden presence startled me. It only dawned on me after I turned around that I should make sure I hadn’t been crying. Were my eyes red?
It would be rude to show up gloomy in front of oppa, especially since I was in his family home, supposed to be having fun.
Luckily, he didn’t mention anything, appearing more concerned that I was out in the rain than anything else.
He noticed me outside and came to check on me. Oppa was really kind.
‘I wish I were more like him.’
If I were even half, no, just a fraction as good as oppa, maybe my sister wouldn’t have left. Observing the bond between oppa and Erich, I could believe that for sure. Yep, that was definitely it.
Thinking this made me steal a glance at him. Standing next to me, he quietly looked at the garden, remaining silent ever since he expressed concern for me after noticing I was out in the rain.
‘Would it be okay?’
Suddenly, a thought flashed in my mind: maybe it would be okay to talk to oppa about my sister.
It was such a spur-of-the-moment thought, yet it seemed reasonable at the same time. Talking to the others about it didn’t feel right.
I knew they’d shown me kindness, but unloading my personal matters on them seemed selfish. It might look like I only came to them when I needed something.
But with oppa, who regarded me like a sibling and was always considerate…
“Oppa and Erich seem close.”
Of course, that was just me leaning on oppa’s kindness, acting childishly. He might be taken aback by suddenly diving into something heavy.
But the words were already out. I had held back until now, but for some inexplicable reason, I just couldn’t help myself today. Maybe it was the reminiscent weather or perhaps because I felt oppa would listen kindly.
So, I let it out. All the things I had kept bottled up, the ones I couldn’t share even with my parents who felt the same sorrow.
‘What a fool.’
And after spilling everything, I finally came back to my senses. What a dumb thing to do. Why did I open up like that? I must have bothered oppa, who was already occupied.
I added a belated apology but figured he’d already be disappointed— right?
“O-oppa?”
Suddenly, oppa’s hand rested on my head. For a brief moment, I thought he might scold me, but instead, he gently ruffled my hair.
“You don’t have to apologize for that.”
His words caught me off guard, and I found myself staring straight into oppa’s eyes.
“You didn’t do anything wrong.”
‘Really?’
The words scratched at my throat, but I couldn’t utter them. It just seemed too unfair to my sister to just let oppa’s words wash over me.
If I admitted that it wasn’t my fault, it’d mean my sister had died for no good reason. I was thankful for oppa’s words, but agreeing felt like a betrayal.
As I stayed quiet, oppa continued to ruffle my hair in silence. Gradually, he applied more force, and soon it felt like not just my hair, but my entire head was being tossed around.
Was this what I got for saying something stupid? Sorry, oppa; I’m getting dizzy. Or was this punishment for not responding? Either way, I was in the wrong.
“Thank you for sharing.”
But oppa wasn’t scolding me or punishing me. It was just his way of showing affection— a little too intense, maybe.
“Talking to someone can bring comfort.”
I couldn’t look up at him. Maybe it seemed like I just wanted comfort.
But no, I simply needed to vent. I had never thought I deserved any comfort in the first place.
Still, a part of me was warmed by his kindness. Even if I consider myself a sinner who shouldn’t receive comfort, his words made my eyes moisten.
“Of course, you didn’t hope for that to happen.”
That’s true. Who would wish for their one and only sister to die?
“You didn’t ignore it either.”
True. I hadn’t ignored it. My sister’s leaving was my responsibility.
“And you haven’t forgotten.”
Of course, I wouldn’t forget. How could I possibly forget? It was something I’d never be able to erase, no matter how hard I tried.
Despite feeling unworthy, I craved more of oppa’s comforting words. Just a bit more, please. Any words would do, even hollow ones.
“That’s why no one would say it’s your fault.”
Really? Were there really no people who would blame me?
My parents just blamed themselves. The servants who knew about it pitied me and kept their mouths shut. No one else even knew since I had never shared anything.
Would others not blame me if they knew? Would they insist it wasn’t my fault?
‘If it’s oppa saying it…’
Oppa had always been thoughtful towards me. He’d never lied; I believed that.
Yep, if it’s oppa saying it, then it’s true. It has to be.
…In truth, I probably just wanted to believe that. I wanted to hear the words I longed for from someone dependable.
“It’s getting chilly. You should head in first.”
Though I had just unloaded my troubles, oppa was kind enough to suggest that I duck back inside, even though he must be feeling the cold too.
Before I went in, I noticed oppa was slightly damp from the rain. I should probably get him something to dry off. He could catch a cold otherwise.
As I looked around, my gaze landed on Erich, who was slightly separated from the others.
“Louise, were you outside?”
“Yeah, just needed a bit of fresh air.”
“But what if you end up soaked out there?”
Erich rummaged through a nearby drawer and handed me a towel. Being a local, he sure knew how to find what he needed quickly.
“Could I have another one?”
“Ah, is one not enough?”
At that, I subtly glanced toward the balcony, and Erich followed my gaze. Then he nodded and pulled out another towel.
“That’s surprising. I thought you didn’t like rain.”
I couldn’t just brush that off; my steps toward the balcony halted. Oppa doesn’t like rain either?
“Why? What happened?”
“Ah.”
After a brief pause, Erich hesitated before finally deciding to speak. He mentioned that it wasn’t a happy story, so he couldn’t say much.
“A few years back, there was a huge incident. Everyone was worried that hyung might not make it.”
His comment about it raining back then wiped my mind blank. Did I just complain about my trauma in front of someone with their own? And to oppa, who had already helped me so much?
The hand holding the towel trembled. He’s been comforting me while carrying his own burdens, hadn’t he?
“Don’t tell anyone, okay?”
“Uh-huh…”
I could barely manage a nod to Erich’s repeated request. How could I share? I had kept my own matters under wraps; what right did I have to discuss oppa’s troubles?
As I weakly made my way back to the balcony, I saw oppa’s back. The figure that had once seemed so solid and reassuring now appeared different.
This was it. The reason oppa had felt off all this time. He had been hiding something, avoiding it, and keeping it all inside.
Of course, I didn’t know all the details, nor should I. Until oppa chose to share, I should remain oblivious.
“Oppa!”
I shouldn’t let any weird behavior show. I couldn’t allow him to see me worry or feel pity for him. If someone who just went inside came back out looking somber, he would definitely suspect something.
So, I would smile. I could definitely smile in front of oppa.
He was the one who comforted and embraced me first. He was the first person I ever opened up to.
‘Let’s wait.’
Waiting for the day when oppa would share his secrets with me. Waiting for the day when I could bring him comfort.
Looking at oppa grinning back at me, I made that promise to myself.
*
Watching Louise return out into the rain, I felt touched by her kindness. Imagining this sweet child suffering all this time made tears pool in my eyes.
‘Please find your happiness.’
If Louise could overcome her trauma, then maybe I too could summon the courage to move forward. That thought still lingers in my mind. Yet more than my own courage, I long to witness this vibrant, unblemished child smile brightly.
Hang in there, Louise. If there’s any conscience in this world, surely the protagonist like you is destined for a happy ending.
My site has received a lot of DMCA notices, lol. From now on, I will update the MTL on https://darkmtl.com/.
The site is fast and lightweight because there are no ads yet. However, the theme is different from Cybor-TL, so take some time to familiarize yourself.
Support me by donating at least $10, and you'll have the right to request any novel from Novelpia (excluding 19+ content) using a newly developed tool.