Chapter: 113
That day was just like today. And the dark sky that seemed to mock me then felt like it was laughing at me now. Louise must have been feeling the same way.
When something tough happens and it starts to rain, the misery doubles, embedding itself deep in your mind. It was raining back then, giving me that same dismal vibe. As a result, every time it rains, those thoughts come creeping back.
‘Did I sell something in my past life?’
It feels like I must have sold something—maybe even a country—and earned a good amount of hatred from someone. Otherwise, how would I have suddenly found myself possessed in another world? Or been dragged onto a battlefield just a year after possession? I’m not sure if it was Enen who hated me or some other entity altogether.
Honestly, I can get that far. Even in other stories, possession generally happens out of nowhere, with crises and trials showing up. But come on, once you overcome those trials, there should be a happy ending, right? So why the heck didn’t I get my happy ending?
If there’s someone out there playing with my fate, I want to grab them by the collar and shake them. “Were you really that satisfied messing up my life, huh?” Seriously, why throw someone else’s life into the blender when you could just take mine instead?
‘I should’ve been the one to die.’
There was no denying how absurd this was. It felt like the universe itself was hell-bent on snatching Hecate away from me.
The team leaders who had been like family in the North all died. Yet, Hecate could endure it back then because I was still alive.
She took heavy injuries in the Kagan cleansing operation. Still, she held on because there were people she needed to care for.
But then, those very people ended up dying too. Hecate had no reason to hold on anymore; without a reason to endure, she just crumbled.
“I’m sorry, Carl.”
Hecate set out on a long journey from the orphanage where she grew up. In that northern orphanage, she had believed that surely no one would be around, among the bodies she thought were alive.
Of course, Hecate didn’t just abandon the northern orphanage when the war broke out. She begged the Minister, who back then was the chief of the Fourth Division, to ensure the orphanage’s people could escape to safety. The Minister passed this on to the chief auditor at the time.
That jerk said he understood. After that, Hecate constantly sent money to the Auditor’s Office for the living expenses of the orphanage people. That guy took the money, saying he was on board. Back then, not just me, other team leaders were sending money too.
And the outcome? It was a disaster.
“Hecate. I’ll also…”
“No. I’ll do it alone. Hmph, this is my duty.”
I hadn’t met them, but I considered them family because they were precious to Hecate. These were the folks I’d promised Hecate, “Don’t worry, when you become a Countess, I’ll hire them all as our servants!”
I had to watch, helplessly, as Hecate quietly buried those people. I couldn’t bear to cremate those burnt bodies, so she buried them according to pagan rites.
Lucky for Hecate, she didn’t have to dig for long. The rain had softened the ground, and most of the bodies were small anyway.
Then, the next day, Hecate set off on a route that she wouldn’t return from to meet those people.
‘If only I had known sooner.’
If only Hecate had heard that news during the war, it wouldn’t have come to this. Even if she had been shocked, she wouldn’t have crumbled because there were plenty of people to support her.
But with five of them gone, and Hecate herself gravely injured, her spirit was unstable. How could she hold on when she received such news on her way back to the capital?
“What is going on here?! We were sure this had been resolved!”
After that, I was so furious, I felt like I might explode. The Minister and I barged into the Chief Auditor’s office, ready to let him have it.
That jerk of a Chief Auditor started spouting excuses about how it was already too late when he received the report, claiming he hid it because it might disrupt our mission. Total nonsense! If it was so late, he should have at least handled the bodies.
It was infuriating. I wanted to strangle that moron. The Minister seemed to share my sentiment as we gnashed our teeth together in anger.
So, we killed him. Luckily, the Crown Prince, who was eyeing control of the Ministry of Finance and the Auditor’s Office, turned his attention our way, giving us legal ground to act.
‘I never thought I’d end up taking charge of the aftermath.’
I expected someone else to handle the Ministry of Finance!
Later, I found out that Hecate’s severe injuries would lead to her becoming disabled eventually. I was dazed for a while, but as time passed, here I am now.
“Oppa, I feel dizzy…”
“Ah, I’m sorry.”
I must have unconsciously gripped her hair too tightly while lost in thought. Instead of merely ruffling Louise’s hair, I ended up making her head bobble around like a bobblehead.
Sorry. I meant to be gentle.
‘You’ve had it tougher than me.’
As I withdrew my hand, I watched Louise carefully fix her hair. At least I was an adult when I had to let go of Hecate, and Hecate even apologized to me till the end.
On the other hand, Louise was merely eight years old when it all happened. The last thing she heard from her sister wasn’t even an apology or goodbye. No, it was disappointment. She had it even worse than me.
I mean, being the original story’s protagonist, hasn’t she suffered enough? If that’s the case, I’d rather be someone non-protagonist for once!
“Thanks for sharing that with me.”
This time, I gently patted Louise’s shoulder a few times. Yeah, thanks for opening up. I’d have preferred it if she had confided in club members—like Erich, for example—but I’m still glad she trusts me enough as her advisor.
Louise’s eyes widened in surprise. I think she expected to be scolded for bringing up such a sensitive subject, but instead, she got hit with gratitude.
“Talking about it makes it easier, right?”
“Can it really do that?”
Seeing Louise timidly lower her gaze crushed my heart.
Keeping everything inside never solves anything. You can only resolve these things by facing them or sharing them with someone else.
“Like I said before, it’s not your fault.”
Louise isn’t at fault. To be precise, this whole mess isn’t anybody’s fault. If someone must be blamed, it’s Louise’s parents for not paying enough attention to her sister. But you know how parents are; they usually focus more on the sickly youngest child.
It was just a mishap caused by inexperience. It’d be too harsh to blame the parents for their daughter’s death over something that could easily happen.
“Of course, you didn’t wish for it to happen either.”
Louise never wished for her sister’s death. She wanted to be one of those adorable sister pairs.
So did I. I wanted to be that enviable couple with Hecate.
“But you didn’t ignore it either.”
Louise believed she had some responsibility for her sister’s death. She didn’t brush it aside as mere coincidence; she held it close.
I was the same; I didn’t let go of my responsibility for not being a better support for Hecate.
“And you haven’t forgotten.”
Louise hasn’t forgotten what happened to her sister. That’s why she likes everyone but can’t truly love anyone.
I’m the same. Because I can’t forget Hecate, I find it hard to be close to anyone else.
“Nobody would dare say it’s your fault.”
She didn’t want it, didn’t ignore it, and hasn’t forgotten. Is there really anyone who would point a finger at someone like that?
Well, probably not. They shouldn’t exist.
“So, don’t say sorry for stuff like this.”
I turned Louise around, grabbing her shoulders gently.
“It’s chilly now. You should head in.”
“Oh, Oppa?”
“Go on.”
She hesitated, so I gave her a light push. While going inside, she looked back several times, and I just gestured silently. Finally, she stepped inside.
I think saying all this was enough for now. Louise seemed to have spoken impulsively, and dragging her through a long therapy session might just lead to awkwardness for both of us.
I just said the words she needed to hear, the kind of things that feel good to hear. That was an easy lift.
‘Those were the words I also wanted to hear.’
Louise, having gone through something similar, must have been dying to hear such words. It didn’t matter who said it; we all need a little love, right?
I really hope Louise was able to verbalize her emotions. Part of me wishes she could conquer that trauma; if she could overcome it, then I believe I can too.
If a kid who’s been through worse can pull through, what’s stopping me? That comforting thought is something I really need right now.
‘How pathetic.’
Even I can see how pitiful this is. Here I am, an adult needing help from someone younger. Utterly disgraceful. Honestly, if anyone knew, they’d never let me live it down!
But I did offer some comfort to Louise, so maybe it’s not a complete embarrassment? I guess you can call it a contribution in its own way.
“The rain stopped.”
I looked up at the sky and unexpectedly let those words slip from my mouth. The rain had indeed stopped, and there were fewer dark clouds than before.
It might start raining again, or it might completely clear up. Given how unpredictable the weather has been lately, who knows?
“It’ll clear up sooner or later.”
Even if it rains for a few days, it won’t stay gloomy forever. Sooner or later, the sky will brighten.
“Oppa!”
“Why did you come out again?”
I was quietly staring at the sky when Louise’s voice called from behind. Just when I finally got her to go inside, and she’s back outside. My influence must really be a fleeting thing!
Turning around, I saw Louise holding out a towel for me.
“But you got wet too, Oppa.”
Her gentle smile made me smile back in return.
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