Where should I be looking, I wonder?
The black pupils staring at me were swaying this way and that, lost and confused.
In the quiet garden, a small sound escaped as my throat moved, sending ripples through the calm surface of the water.
Sia’s gaze seemed to twitch, as if forced to move, her dry tongue swallowed repeatedly while she wore a mechanical smile.
Confusion and fear, embarrassment and anxiety.
And—concern for me.
Is it that even someone dull to others’ feelings cannot help but notice how artificial this is?
Sia remained silent, awkwardly keeping to herself.
“What should I do? Hey, hey, answer me, Unnie.”
“………”
“Huh? Unnie?”
Just before me, in a distance so close you could almost reach it, she watched me with a dizzy expression as if she still couldn’t find her bearings.
As if she couldn’t understand what I was saying.
As if she couldn’t catch up with the words I was saying.
Her black pupils, now flickering intensely, were filled with chaotic disorder that had no trace of the order she had shown before.
Yes.
In the end, on the palette where I expected beautiful results and mixed various colors, the color I anticipated was nowhere to be found.
What remained on the pure white palette was a dark emotion that couldn’t even be guessed at.
Yet, as I shivered at the pitch-black guilt gnawing at my heart, I kept yearning for that answer.
From her, Sia, I wanted to hear a response to the worries tormenting me now, my small greed.
Yes, it was greed.
In truth, I never thought she would immediately understand my words and provide me with an answer.
No. To say I didn’t know would be a lie.
“……….”
How could she unravel this tangled web of emotions that even I couldn’t fully express?
Even I couldn’t manage to solve it.
The only way to untie the unresolvable Gordian knot was to cut it through entirely with a sword.
No matter how much Sia lived a different second life, to me who lived a four-digit life, she was no different from a regular person living just one life.
Born, live.
As we live, one day we die.
Such a preordained marathon we run.
“……..”
But what would reflect in the vision that opened my eyes as I crossed the finish line along with them was.
Like the end of the marathon, the moment I passed through would snip the line bound at the finish.
A clean white line, dustless, quietly wrapped around the finishing point without making a sound.
As if to say, “Keep running, don’t stop.”
As if resting wasn’t yet permitted to me.
Eventually, the sound signaling the start of a new race with completely unfamiliar people echoed again in the arena, ignoring my restraint.
So, I had to run that long road once more, always alone in solitude.
Yet, the reason I left a question for her in this garden was.
The reason I chose her, who couldn’t possibly understand me, as the answerer to my question was.
For Rumi, who would say to let the flowers trapped in the greenhouse be and look for other flowers.
For Anna and Elli, who said it was more important to do what I intended to do from the start, and that it was okay to push through.
Unlike those who already have their answers determined by their innate values and personality, I thought that someone like her, always watching the world from a step back, could pick her own answer based on her beliefs.
Without being shaken or swayed, there you are, closer to me than anyone else.
You, who still tries your best to give me answers to my forced questions, with an objective view of my actions; I was sincerely hoping for judgment.
That’s why.
“─I think it’s okay to let the flowers go.”
“…….Ah.”
Even though that remark was made without knowing my situation.
Even if it wasn’t her true heart.
That little line felt like it was saying that my actions up until now were not wrong—
“─Thank you.”
Sia’s one word, affirming me.
With that alone, I found my salvation.
So, this was a gift.
A present to her, who made a hard decision and affirmed my actions, from me.
Really—
─Thunk!
“Really, thank you, Sia Unnie.”
“…….Ah?!”
My palm shot forth at a speed invisible to her, still clumsy in many ways.
With a sound so light it made the long conversation seem somewhat hollow, Sia’s body, struck and her brain rattled, slowly began to kneel at that very spot.
With a look that said she didn’t understand what was happening, Sia’s eyes were gradually closing.
“…Alice…?”
Among her gradually closing eyes, I heard my name quietly drift out.
Her outstretched hand, what was it for?
I replied.
“Thanks to you saving me, I was able to be happy.”
So, Unnie.
This entire thing was just a nightmare, a midwinter nightmare that I would eventually forget upon awakening.
Once you open your eyes, just shake off that illusion that made you sweat profusely and forget it.
For everyone, a better tomorrow awaits.
Though abandoned by the world, Elly would gather the courage to forgive and step outside of the dark room, ready for a new opportunity.
Rumi, who shed her shackles to gain new wings, would have a free world where she could fully utilize her abilities.
Anna, who diligently did her best in her given position, would gain the highest and most respected place of all.
And—next to Sia, who hadn’t forgotten her kindness towards me, would give her all that she wasn’t aware she lacked—happiness and joy—as a return.
Now it was time for everything to return to its rightful place.
The children, having learned about the bluebird that brings happiness, embark on an adventure to find that bird on the eve of Christmas.
Meeting the witch, the cat, the chubby man, and the wealthy lady, the children.
But whether in the palace of night, the graveyard where the dead are buried, or in the land of happiness, they couldn’t find the bluebird anywhere.
‘Huh? By the way, what’s Rumié Unnie doing here? Didn’t Sia Unnie come with you?’
‘…..Ah, right. I have something to convey instead. Sia said she hurt her leg and asked you to come down the mountain.’
‘Okay…! Thank you, Rumié Unnie!!’
‘…..Right. You’re a really good child. Truly good.’
Just like the hopeful story that the bluebird that brings happiness was actually a pigeon with blue feathers kept at home, happiness isn’t far away, it’s nearby.
To them, happiness isn’t from a phantasm like me.
‘—Alice, right? If it continues like this, Han, you’re going to die. It’s all your fault, you know that?’
‘………’
I was the one who silently stayed by their side.
And so.
Following the tracks of green hair that faintly remained in my memories from when we crossed paths on the road.
My script to return her happiness, and everyone’s happiness, to its rightful place began to be rewritten.
Tweet tweet,
or, chirp chirp—
“…Ugh, what is it…”
“………”
From far away, an unidentified bird’s cry that reminded me of a sparrow’s song tickled my ears.
The sound of birds chirping coming from beyond the window was pleasant to listen to, but the irregular rhythm was enough to pull me up from the comfortable sleep I had been enjoying leaning against a tree.
Feeling a small weight and warmth on my lap, I slowly awakened my consciousness.
But.
“….When did I fall asleep? Did I fall asleep because I was tired?”
“Ugh……”
No matter how much I forced myself to remember, I couldn’t recall the process from when I came to the garden with Alice to when I fell asleep in the tree.
It was as if a thick layer of white paint had been smeared over my brain—it was completely blank.
Having done ■■■ with Alice.
From Alice, ■■■■■■■—
—shudder.
“…Hehe. Sia, unnieee…”
“Should have bought that camera when Rumi suggested it…?”
But one fortunate point was.
Alice was asleep, her head resting on my long leg.
If I had made even a small scratch on Alice, I would have had to face two princesses chasing me with swords and a monster girl silently untying her wrists.
Thanks to that, I could release a heavy weight.
“……”
Well, I probably had a nightmare.
The reason I couldn’t remember isn’t that important.
What could be more important than Alice being okay?
So, so—
—poke, poke.
“…That’s a relief, right?”
“….Mmh…”
Pinching Alice’s cheeks, which were ripe like a perfectly sized peach, I braced myself against the burning anxious thought nagging at my heart.
But no matter how much I washed it away or scraped it off.
That anxiety clinging persistently to my heart, making sure it wouldn’t disappear, wouldn’t let me enjoy the afternoon sun at three o’clock.
It showed no signs of leaving, regardless of how much time passed.
…..Strangely, it continued.
“…Hee, hee.”
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