*
“─Alice, are you awake?”
“………”
Huff
Something spine-chilling and unknown whispered in my ear while I lay quietly.
It felt like a tiny bug had crawled inside my ear, making an unsettling rustling.
It took me a moment to realize that it was Elli’s voice.
Elli thought I was awake since my breathing had become a little irregular.
She asked if I had slept well today, and if I had any scary dreams in the two endless years we’ve been together.
If it were the usual me, I would have rubbed my blurry eyes, gotten up, and wrapped my arms around Elli.
I would have told her that she appeared in my dream, and because of that, I wasn’t scared at all. Then, we would chat about the fun coincidence of dreaming about each other.
On sleepy days, I might have begged for just a little more sleep until Elli reluctantly allowed me to nap longer, while she gently petted my head until I got up.
A simple joy found in everyday life.
But now, experiencing that felt like an impossible luxury.
I couldn’t even return her greeting; all I could do was suppress the overwhelming urge bubbling inside me.
“………”
It’s noisy.
Shut up!
“Everyone, shut it!”
Elli’s voice, which used to feel refreshing and beautiful, now sounded awkward, like static from a broken cassette tape.
No.
It wasn’t just Elli’s voice.
“Let me go!! I’m going to kill that jerk and meet Aris!!!”
“That crazy princess?! Why is that kid so strong!? Hurry, you, get outta here! Don’t just sit there like a loser, go anywhere!!”
The sounds of Remi and Sia bickering as they climbed up the walls.
Clatter, the window shaking from the wind.
Trickle, the sound of water running through the pipes from upstairs to downstairs.
All of it combined into a series of annoying static noises.
─Crack!
“I… I hate this…!”
“─Ah.”
I covered myself completely with the blanket.
I didn’t want to face this cruel reality, and I just couldn’t believe I was alive.
I squeezed my eyes shut, covered my ears, and buried myself deeper under the blanket, trying to hide from the truth.
Elli’s gaze on me, the reputation I was about to lose—all of it held no significance to me.
Because I had already lost everything that mattered.
But even with the blanket pulled over my head,
Even when I tried to block my ears with one trembling hand,
“Why….! Why…!”
“….Yes. I am here.”
The bright sunlight seeping through the window pierced through my eyelids, pounding against my retinas with vigor.
The sounds around me, mocking my feeble attempts to block them, invaded my mind gently, tearing it apart.
Even when I tried to strangle my own throat with one hand to hold my breath, I couldn’t manage it with my trembling fingers, only making the noise in my unguarded ears increasingly worse.
In the end, I had to admit that even the ever-present song of the canary would eventually come to an end.
Ah.
“…..Alice?”
Had I always been the broken one from the start?
Today, my ears were deaf.
In a distant past that felt like yesterday, I received only a cold, lifeless touch, void of warmth.
In an even earlier time, I lost the right to smell the fragrant flowers and probably spilled something else in the ages that felt eternal.
I lose and lose again.
Tomorrow, and the day after, what else will the world take from me?
What else will I lose?
Tick-tock, the clock on the wall it showed 3 o’clock, moving ceaselessly.
If I were to pull out that hand or break the mechanism that keeps it running, perhaps that clock would stop right before my eyes.
But that doesn’t mean it would stop this moment.
No matter how tightly I clasp my fingers to scoop water from the ocean, the water in my hands cannot exist forever.
The tiny gap I couldn’t close would sadly drop the water I had raised to the ground.
Drip, drip, the droplets inevitably fall.
Living through a single day means dying through that day.
Even in this moment of life, I was slowly dying.
Yeah.
Really, that’s just how it is.
“….My heart… it hurts, Elli Unnie….. so much, it hurts.”
“….Is that so.”
The noise of the two unyielding voices continued to rise in volume.
As I peeled off the blanket that completely enveloped me, the bright sunlight was declaring its existence even with my eyes closed.
That sunlight beating down on my body made this moment feel cruel beyond measure, revealing that I hadn’t died.
─Sigh.
“……”
Seeing Elli’s face, which looked ready to burst into tears at any moment, I slowly began to get up.
Melting under the warm sun, I was like a fragile ice sheet singing its own demise—what should I do next?
If this ice melts away, what remains for me will be a destiny drowning in a deep sea where no light would ever reach.
In those fateful waves, all I could do was hold onto something tangible.
I knew better than anyone that this could bring me salvation.
Yet, I also knew that the inevitable end awaited me, surrounded by shark teeth on the blue sea, leaving nothing but bones behind.
The only thing I could do,
The sole act of rebellion and resistance opening up to me, was to repeat those meaningless actions, nothing more.
I said,
“…I want to go out.”
“………..”
Even the empire reigning over the world couldn’t last a thousand years.
And the play that felt like it would go on forever would eventually draw to a close one day.
Let’s go out.
Let’s go out, carve out my heart, and burn my soul.
It’s time to put an end to this wretched life.
─Creaking…!!
“I want to go out and see Anna Unnie.”
“…..Understood.”
As if struggling in water with nothing but blurted words, I grasped desperately at something that wrapped around me.
The blanket caught in my grip made no resistance, crumpling pathetically.
The clenched folds heralded my fate.
Or perhaps-
*
All of them were just unlikable pests.
The scoundrel who suddenly appeared in front of me and Aris, who had been enjoying our brief respite, claiming that he had been protecting Aris until now and that I had no right to take Aris away from him.
If he wanted to repent that much, he should quietly do it somewhere far away instead of shamelessly showing his face before the victim, Aris, claiming he wanted to apologize.
They were all just wrapping up their selfish wishes, their hopes, in sweet words as if they were for Aris, and pushing them down on her.
What made them think they had the right to intrude between Aris and me?
Really.
I just didn’t like it.
“….Aris.”
“…Anna, Unnie.”
A door barely cracking open by the width of two fingers.
Creek, the pitiful sound of the door opening filled our living room.
But clearly, it only was the sound of mismatched hinges clashing against each other, yet why did it feel like the sounds were Aris’s cries?
Aris was saying she couldn’t take it anymore.
“─Unnieiiiii!!”
“…..! A, Aris!?”
No.
That was all it sounded like to me.
“….I wanted to see you…!!”
“….Ah, no.. Aris…. if you come to me….”
Aris ran toward Anna without slowing down, throwing herself into her embrace.
Thud, the soft sound drowned out Anna Akaia’s cries, echoing through the living room.
People watching Aris gasped in amazement.
“…! Ah!”
“…….!”
At Aris’s impulsive action, a girl named Sia who was holding me and a woman watching from inside the room were shifting around uncomfortably.
Seeing their awkwardness made me let out a small sigh.
But Aris didn’t care about their gazes and only drew closer to the one who had once tried to kill her.
Though Anna trembled all over and tried to push Aris away, the more she tried, the more Aris pushed into her embrace.
Deeply.
Ever deeper.
As if a lost child had finally found their parent again.
Rubbing her cheek against her, burying her face in her chest.
Today, even amid forgetting all her memories, Aris finally got to enjoy the warmth of her beloved Unnie who she had remembered and longed for.
─Creak…!
“I… I missed you so much..!”
“….Ah.. aa…!”
But just as everyone let out a sigh of relief at that happy scene, my gaze was drawn to a small gap between Anna’s chest and Aris’s face, one that no one else could see.
“…..Right.”
When I saw the turquoise eyes flickering inside that space, I was sure.
Only I could truly understand Aris here, and nobody else could bring her happiness.
“……That’s it.”
More than anything, painfully so.
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