The hand that stretched fiercely swished through the void where nothing existed.
A girl desperately calling her younger sibling’s name.
She couldn’t hold the hand of her sibling reaching out for help, nor could she even wipe the blood that was clearly oozing from around their lips.
Because, that kid was far too weak.
Really, utterly useless.
If only she had run a bit faster.
If only she had discovered where Aris was right away without fumbling about.
If only she had sensed the ominous air flowing between them a bit sooner.
At the very least, if she had noticed Aris’s worries that kept her up at night and showed sincere concern.
How many times had she muttered about “if only”—such meaningless modifiers?
But no matter how many times she shouted, echoes of emptiness returned in the end.
The past was like a bamboo that had already broken, never to be reclaimed.
That alternate world, filled with eternal happiness instead of all this misfortune, was far too overwhelming for her, who wasn’t even allowed to dream sweet dreams.
She had to live in the present.
Desperately, even if it meant crawling.
Because she had to live in a reality without Aris.
[“…..Ah….Ahhh…..”]
“—Trash.”
Sitting helplessly on the floor, unable to do anything but let tears flow—was her past self.
Just seeing that made anger bubble up within the young girl behind her as she slowly lifted her sword.
The sharply shining edge of the sword.
Without a hint of tremble, her reflection held the curled-up girl in her gaze.
She wouldn’t go back again.
Not to her past self, who had been so weak.
She had become strong for him.
So.
So—
“—Die.”
[“….Ah…..Ahhh….”]
Resolutely.
Perhaps imbued with rage.
She swung down her sword.
Now, it was time to wake up from the dream.
It felt like a tightly fixed lump, not going down, residing within her chest.
Even while strolling down the street, sitting in class listening to lectures, having meals with Tessa, and even the very moment when going to bed for tomorrow’s morning.
The lump was gradually gnawing away at her nerves and growing.
Like a child expressing its existence.
Like a plea to not be forgotten.
The lump, showing no signs of disappearing, kept thudding against her body and mind like water dropping from a roof’s eaves.
Drip, drip.
Ripples formed.
And it finally succeeded in piercing a small hole in her heart.
What came to mind was the figure of the woman with black hair, who drove her to this state.
Yeah.
She would admit it.
Really, that was something.
“You’re great.”
“…Princess, are you okay these days?”
“I’m fine, no need to worry.”
“…Still…”
With bloodshot eyes and dark circles under her eyes.
She’d seen it in the mirror, and even she couldn’t help but feel that her appearance was serious.
Rather than seeing improvement, her condition continued to worsen day by day, which led Tessa to finally scold her.
Yet she couldn’t bring herself to be angry—even leaving just a small complaint.
Of course, she understood Tessa’s feelings. But the boiling emotions within her, which she couldn’t control, made her respond bluntly to Tessa’s mild words.
Even she was momentarily startled.
“…But Princess, you haven’t been yourself lately—”
“—Tessa.”
What exactly does it mean to be myself?
Like an arrow being shot, her words filled with annoyance were about to spill out.
She tightly shut her mouth until blood came out, barely stopping those icy words from continuing.
But like an arrow that had left the bow, the summons filled with resentment and rage could not be taken back, and Tessa’s expression, worried about her well-being, froze on her face.
Normally, she would have thanked Tessa for the concern.
But for some reason, she felt anger towards it.
Tessa, who had stayed by her side.
Tessa, who was the only one to fully understand her.
—Sigh.
“…Huh…”
She stopped her steps, covered her face with both hands, and took a deep breath.
The flow of air that had been blocked made her breathing uncomfortable, as if it choked her throat.
It was suffocating.
Too dizzy.
Help me, help me—
In response to that unsettling sight, Tessa must have felt something too, as she stopped and stood beside her.
Pausing in the middle of the street, with her head bowed low, and Tessa standing rigid beside her.
A moment of silence swam between them.
“…..Hah….Hah….”
“…Princess Remi.”
In the middle of a bustling street with many passersby, there stood two girls frozen in place.
She sensed a few curious eyes drawn towards them, but she was desperate to compose her fallen expression.
No.
This isn’t right, no matter how I think about it.
Emotions that had definitely been buried deeply under solid rock had, before she knew it, melted down into gloppy magma.
Knock, knock.
With continued knocking, eventually a small hole opened up.
She crammed the hot heat trying to burst out under the new mask she had fashioned.
—Creak!
Her blood and flesh turned to paper and wood.
—Crack, bang, snap!
Mimicking past memories, they began to take their previous form.
—Caw, kack, kack, kack!
What should I be doing?
What have I done wrong?
Having taken everything from me, why? Why, why? You’re asking me right now what I should be doing.
Why do you all look like that? Why? Why? Who are you? No one, no one, no one is here. Aris, where are you? What do I do? Forget? Who, how, to forget? Tell me. Speak. Speak to me. How, how, how—? I? Me? Me? What am I? Creating, creating, creating, again, anew, creating, creating, creating—
—Have I created it?
“—Thank you.”
She moved her hand away.
“I’m fine.”
She smiled brightly.
“Really.”
Really, really, she was okay.
She was genuinely different from her weak past self.
“Nothing happened, shall we go?”
With her lips moving to form a small smile, she wanted to reassure Tessa looking this way.
With the radiant smile she always showed everyone.
The smile that everyone praised as warm like a campfire.
She bathed in the warm sunlight that descended from the sky, looking at Tessa hidden in the extended shadow, she spoke.
She was okay.
“…..Wow, Princess…”
“…Huh? Why?”
“…….Never mind.”
Yet there was Tessa, looking at her with an even more horrified expression than before, as if she had seen something she shouldn’t have.
As if she couldn’t believe the fact she had witnessed.
Trembling all over, Tessa was avoiding her gaze.
Truly, for reasons that she couldn’t fathom.
“—Aris. Is that fun?”
“Hmm?”
“…I mean planting flowers.”
Long ago, she had asked Aris, who was tending to the garden with a happy face.
Why go through all that trouble to plant flowers herself, couldn’t she just send someone to pick flowers that were already bloomed?
Honestly, she had come all the way here just to see Aris, but the cruel sight of Aris not giving her even a small glance had prompted a little jealousy to slip out.
One could say it was rather shameless of her, but to a young child, it seemed far more important to gain Aris’s attention than the fleeting embarrassment.
That was how much Aris’s attention was a matter of life and death for her.
Of course, her question filled with jealousy typical of a child was too silly for even the surrounding weeds, but still.
“Wooow!”
Thunk.
Such an odd question could have simply been ignored.
But Aris, diligently, set down the trowel she was holding, stretched, and then looked at her.
The sight of her fervently wiping away the bead of sweat rolling down her forehead with hands smeared with dirt, now seems like an act unbefitting a girl not even ten years old, yet back then she couldn’t help but look at Aris with such joy.
If there was a reason, it was probably because that smile directed toward her was too beautiful.
“Hmm… that is—”
“—?!”
What Aris had said at that moment was perplexingly unclear in her memory.
If she had to guess, it might have been about how caring for them herself was more rewarding, or perhaps how flowers picked by someone else lacked meaning.
Yet strangely enough, it didn’t seem like a common reason at all.
Something more peculiar.
Something more mysterious.
Something that was more difficult to understand.
One thing for sure—she still did not understand at all, even as an adult, what Aris felt while cultivating those flowers.
Still.
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