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94. Reasons for wanting to meet
Violette felt her breathing getting easier and lighter than before. The mind and body are closely connected and influenced by each other. When the body breaks down, the mind also weakens, and there is even a saying that all illness begins with the mind. Since everything is connected with each other, when the mind is affected, there is no place in the body that feels good.
“Violette-sama, are you coming?”
“Yes, I’m coming.”
It was lunchtime, Violette got up from her seat at the sound of a voice calling her. At first, both Violette and Rosette were uncomfortable by the stare of other people around them. Now, they didn’t feel uncomfortable at all and were completely at ease, they could also ignore the classmates who still looked at her with curiosity. Rosette seemed to feel the same way too. Her eyes, which were swimming around everywhere at first, looked at Violette the moment she appeared.
“I have had the salon prepare it for you. I am sorry, I should have told you before.”
“Oh no, thank you!”
“The menu that I picked was for Rosette, but if you disliked any of the foods on the menu, we can still change it.”
“I hope you would think about what you are going to eat instead of what I am going to eat.”
“Yes, of course. I heard you recommend chiffon cake today?”
“That’s not what I meant. …… “
“I know what you’re talking about. Don’t worry.”
Violette couldn’t help but smile at Rosette, whose cheeks were puffed out for not understanding her meaning. When she said that she understood what she(Rosette) meant, her round, swollen cheeks grew larger. There was no trace of her initial nervousness and drawl. Rather, to the others, Rosette’s current expression was surprising. But from Violette’s point of view, though, it suits her pretty appearance well.
As Violette counted the days, she realised it was already ten days since she became aware of her feelings for Yulan.
She was so confused and scared at that time, she wanted to erase them and make them disappear. But as time went by, she felt her restless self had calmed down. Even though it was only a little, she was thankful for it. She wasn’t lying about what she said to Marin while crying, but there is no use in crying over spilled milk. She had no choice but to admit that she, indeed, was in love with Yulan. Now that she was aware of the flowers that were blooming in her heart, and how far the root had spread, all she had to do was be careful not to let anyone see them.
She didn’t want to water it, she didn’t want to nurture it, nor did she want to let it bask in the rays of the sun. She wanted to hide it, and let it wither away. If she couldn’t do it, the time would.
“It’s cloudy today.”
Rosette, who was looking up out the window, muttered in a dejected tone of voice. Violette also looked outside and saw that the sky looked as if it was about to rain at any moment. Like a sponge filled with water, it just needed to squeeze a little, anf the rain would come pouring down, drowning everything.
“At this rate, it might be raining by the time school ends.”
“Well, …… let’s talk somewhere else after school today then.”
Usually, both of them would talk in that gazebo where they first talked for the first time at lunch time. It was like a secret base for both of them, but in this weather it would not be a good idea. Under this sky, the place looked even dimmer than usual, and the air seemed to be getting colder and colder. Rain would make it more muddy and gloomy, and there was a possibility that they would get wet and catch a cold.
“I guess so. If so, I will prepare it for you next time.”
As Rosette walked next to her, Violette couldn’t help but notice that her mood was just a little bit lower than usual. She was looking down, so she wasn’t sure if her mood was really downcasted. The height difference between them was very slight. Violette was just a few centimetres taller than Rosette, so she just had to lower her head a little to talk to her.
She wondered why she felt it was weird to look down at Rosette while talking, maybe it was because she was used to associating with the people who were taller than her, and she had to look up to talk to them.
Violette hadn’t seen his face or heard his voice since they parted ways that day.
Ten days were not a long period of time,……, and there have been plenty of times like this in the past. There were times she would miss his voice, and his presence. She wanted to see him, hear his voice calling her name. But the guilty feeling was stronger than the desire to see him. She wanted to apologize to him for ignoring him so blatantly that day. But after thinking for a while, she thought maybe it was her feelings that were screaming at her to see him.
Was she actually aware of it? Or was she just pretending not to see it? Before when she wasn’t aware of her thoughts of him, she felt that her worry was only that for a younger brother from his elder sister. Now that her feelings changed, everything felt different. Or was it only the feelings, because they were so different?
What reason should she give to her heart to see Yulan?
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