90. Blue Star
Floating, sinking, and floating again. Despite her rationality that wished to suffocate as it was, her instincts were scratching at the tip of her heart, saying she didn’t want to accept it. After all, she couldn’t kill this feeling by herself, nor could she accept it.
The seed must have been there for a long time. Deep in the recesses of her heart, so tightly tucked away that no one could see it, not even her own hand could reach it. That’s why she didn’t even notice it. And before she knew it, it had broken down all walls and taken root all over her body. Violette’s heart could no longer hide these feelings.
So, someone, please forcibly break her hand and pull out the whole root.
Burn it down so that nothing will ever sprout again.
Make them think they’re crazy to be happy.
Violette asked her to help her, to save her from this horrible feeling. She tried to move away from her hand again, but Marin tightened her grip and didn’t let go. In the warmth of her powerful palm, in the tone of her voice calling out to her, the lost child finally found her sunset-colored eyes.
Marin whispered to Violette, as if telling her silently to accept the feeling and let it soak. Each word, with its own distinct colour, flowed to Violette’s ears, spreading to every corner of her body like current, sending vibrations through her limbs.
“It’s all right. There is nothing to fear. There is nothing to worry about.”
Her tone of voice sounded as cold and expressionless as ever. There was nothing special about the way she spoke, and everything was told by her as if it were a matter of course. No matter how difficult it was for Violette to accept, no matter how frightening it was, it was okay to be assured without any evidence that everything would be all right.
Marin’s mouth just broke into a smile. With her voice and smile, she was able to penetrate Violette’s walls.
“But, I ……, I.”
Her shuddering lips couldn’t manage to weave through the scattered words. Violette, still staying in the depths of fear, felt guilty for even nodding her head in affirmation.
Once, she made a mistake. She had made the mistake of paying the price for love, hope and happiness. From the beginning of her birth to the point of her “first love” was nothing but mistakes. How many people were unhappy because of it? How many people cried because of it?
“What if I break……?”
That was the only thing she was afraid of.
Marin vividly remembered the day Violette spoke of love.
She said happily, joyfully, with a higher voice than usual and an exaggerated smile, that she had found someone she liked. Violette, who had lost the contents imposed on her by Bella Rose and became only an outline, gained an important organ called the heart. Who could blame Violette for dreaming of happiness, even if it was only an illusion caused by her craving for it? Neither Marin nor even Yulan could say anything.
Violette’s story about Claudia became distorted in a stable way. It was only natural, since her feelings were hardly straight to begin with. Claudia, who did not like Violette, who longed to be loved was disgusted with her, and it only drived her to frustration. To be honest, it would not be surprising if she exploded at any time,……, and she did.
The explosion was very abrupt. And by the time it was finished, the gunpowder got wet, the clock stopped, and the bomb became nothing more than a piece of junk.
“…… it’s all right.”
Over and over again, she uttered those words. Marin told her over and over again it was okay to be terrified, it was okay to be afraid.
“Violette-sama, do you love Marin?”
“……? Of course, of course. I love you.”
“Marin loves you too, Violette-sama.”
Marin just smiled gently at Violette, who tilted her head curiously. Her smile was so faint that if the people who saw her smiling first time wouldn’t call it a smile. The smile could barely be distinguished as a smile.
“I have never been hurt, because Violette-sama loves me.”
Love and master-slave relationship were very different. Even Marin, who had never been in love, could imagine that the relationship, the kind of feelings, and even the meaning of love would be different. Still, Marin had known for a long, long time that Violette cared for her and that it was love. She knew that the happiness she had experienced in her life had been brought about by this love.
So she could understand her(Violette) fear. What she had seen, heard, and grown up with was so foul. She was swept away by reality so harshly that she couldn’t afford to believe in beautiful romance novels. That was why she dreamed, envied, and scrambled for their first love, which was probably a painful past for Violette.
That was why she wouldn’t, couldn’t let go of the feelings she held.
“Please, don’t be afraid, and don’t try to throw that love away.”
Violette, who was no longer able to stand, sat down unsteadily on the floor. If it had been the usual Marin, she would have immediately escorted her to the sofa. But now they sat together, face to face, one with anxious expression and the other with gentle. Violette looked up at Marin with a childlike expression on her face. Her once shivering body was no longer shivering anymore, which meant her heart had calm down a little.
“Don’t deny that you are happy.”
Marin wanted Violette to smile. She would rather hear Violette chattering about her first love than see her crying. Her smiling expression was better than the drowned out look on her face.
Marin, and most of all Yulan, would never allow Violette’s happiness to be sabotaged by such trivial possibilities that might hurt her, be disliked, or be a nuisance,…….
“Because being loved by you is such a blessing.”
From the time her life was saved until today, she has given her numerous blessings. It was completely different from life in the church, where there was only disappointment, annoyance, and a little bit of love. Even though she had a lot of pain, anger, and negative feelings that were hard to describe, her feelings and loyalty for Violette have never changed.
Marin was happy to be loved by Violette. Loving her also made her happy.
“…… happy, happy, I’m happy.”
The thoughts that had been dying were spilling out. The small voice probably only reached Marin, who was so close that their shoulders were almost attached to each other at the very moment. But that was okay. She didn’t want anyone else to hear her. It was such an important, precious, and delicate true feeling.
“When I realized it, I was happy.”
“Because, I mean, Yulan is so, so, so wonderful.”
“He’s so sweet and …… always makes me laugh.”
“And …… always be with me, always listens to me.”
“He even calls me by my nickname, Vio-chan, with his soft voice.”
Just by saying the words, the thoughts gained flesh and blood, and gradually took shape. The shadow that was only an outline of a person was now colored, the haze was lifted, and before she knew it, she saw the back of the person in her heart.
The large back, the soft hair swaying softly, and the way his eyes looked at her gently.
“He tells me that I’m not alone,…….”
Violette slowly closed her eyes, and behind them – behind her eyes – she thought she saw Yulan that day, smiling and saying ‘thank you’.