It was given that Violette wasn’t like herself after that.
She did not touch her lunch, which she only finished half of it and other half was still lying on the plate untouched. She was acting fidgety, unsteady, or in other words, restless, which worried Rosette.
Although she had assured Rosette that she was fine but she was sure that even Rosette, whom she had only known for a short time must have also realized that she wasn’t alright. Violette didn’t have any words to describe how she was feeling. The feeling was similar when she was forced to swallow the food in presence of those three people who treated her like air, who behaved she didn’t exist, but the feeling she was feeling now was different from that in a way. Rosette had no idea of the inner turmoil in her heart, so they could only talk to each other in a superficial way, without getting to the heart of the matter.
Rosette had no choice but to believe Violette’s words and give up on the matter to probe for more.
Violette was trying to figure out what to do with the reality that she was confronted with,…… and how to handle these feelings.
For the first time in her life, Violette found an advantage in having a family that did not care about her. They left her alone as usual, even though there were chances that she could be in pain. When she was having a hard time, when she was distressed, they always pretended not to notice it. Violette never appreciated their behaviour, but she still thought it was better than being trampled until she was crushed to powder in a precarious place.
Violette came home in a hurry, but no one even noticed her, especially Marijune. She stayed in her room and didn’t go out, but Marijune didn’t come to visit her either. Thank God she(Marijune) was not home yet. Because she was the only one who might notice something wrong with Violette, but rather than helping her, all she knew was how to push Violette into a corner.
“Welcome back, Violette-sama.”
Marin, who had come to clean up, greeted Violette as she entered the room. Marin looked at her with a quizzical gaze as she closed the door behind her back and looked at Violette who had her head down. She came home today earlier than usual, not only that, she also seemed to be slow and unsteady on her feet. To see Violette, who was full of energy most of the time was a strange sight for Marin. But that didn’t mean that it was unusual to see her visibly depressed. She was a person who holds on, suppresses, and endures until she explodes.
“Something…” the matter…
The words that were supposed to follow were interrupted by the darkness that filled her vision. The sheet on Marin’s arm fell noisily to the floor, and the warmth of her body, which was in distance a moment ago, clung to her. Violette’s forehead pressed against Marin’s shoulder and her fingers that clutched the apron on Marin’s body wrinkled it severely.
For a moment, she couldn’t understand what had happened. She didn’t even do anything that could make her feel weak. All she could do was look down at her feet.
Marin was surprised, she was so confused that she didn’t even think twice before putting her hand around Violette’s back as she clutched her.
It was Marin’s first time touching Violette this way.
They never had any body contact. Marin have always cared for Violette and search for a way to heal her heart and soothe her pain. Violette had stroked her hair a few times but that was all. Every time Violette was pleased with something she had done, she would caressed her cheeks or hold her hand to express her gratitude. But she never let her get any closer than necessary.
If Marin could, she would have always held her close and warm her cold body with her warmth, let her cry in her shoulders and be someone she could vent on. If she could do this, Violette wouldn’t have to sleep while clutching her own trembling body, terrified of nightmares. How she wished she could comfort Violette with her warmth. How she wished that her arms could be a safe Heaven for Violette.
(Yes, was …… I..)
Was I afraid to hold her – Violette?
Marin still remembered the image of a woman who would hug Violette while laughing like a maniac. She was still very young back then, so that person’s smile didn’t have much meaning to her rather than being weird. In contrast to the ecstatic woman, Violette was lifeless. She remembered the scene of a mother who tried to kill her daughter, spitting venom at her while saying she loves her.
The nightmarish reality of that woman’s madness shone on her bright red eyes fearlessly.
（I can’t believe I was rememberring about that thing.)
Violette was the one who told Marin that her eyes, which was the same as her mother’s but different in a way were beautiful. Those words at that time changed Marin’s life, and Violette became the center of her heart.
(…… is this why?)
Because a small seed has sprouted and blossomed, another emotion has sprouted along with it. The more she cared for Violette, the more she felt inexplicably uneasy about the eyes she had been complimented many times by Violette. She wanted to love her own eyes too, but the scene of that woman’s red eyes gleaming with satisfaction as she held Violette never got out of her mind.
The arms that have lost their strength, the unfocused gaze and the emotionless tone of her voice, what if she had hugged her and when she(Violette) had called her name with the expression of giving up on life? Just imagining it brought tears to her eyes and breaks her heart into a thousand pieces.
Slowly, Marin put her hand on Violette’s back and stroke it gently. The hair she had just groomed that morning was tangled in her fingertips as she traced its surface over and over again, as if to check its soft texture. She could feel the warmth of a living person in her arms. This person was alive. Her beloved Lady was alive and safe in her arms.
Just by doing this, her suffocating anxiety melted away without a shred. The obstacle she thought was a wall was just a fog, not that it was blocking her, but that she could not step out of it. It was just a hallucination of her mind, and not a drop of Violette’s true feeling was mixed in.
At least now, she was could help her. She(Violette) needed Marin.
Then there was only one thing for her to do. There was no reason to hesitate anymore. She was going to help her(Violette) with all her might, even though it meant destroying herself.
“What’s the matter, violette-sama?”
T/N: Hi readers! I’m currently working on another novel. The novel is ‘The husband is Long Aotian’. It’s a cultivation setting novel with both the FL and ML as transmigrators from the same world. The novel is pretty comedic so I think you’ll all love it.
And don’t forget to support me if you like my work.