86. Wishing for what you don’t have
Violette finally realized from the beginning that this feeling was nothing but her ego. So, it lead her to be in a bad mood.
Yulan was in a bad mood. He was aware of the disturbing aura that was emanating from him. The people around him was also aware of the fact which could be told just by looking at his face. It’s not that they knew what was going on in his mind. But the people, who would normally gather around Yulan didn’t do so now. Probably because they were pressured by the atmosphere he created.
The classmates probably couln’t sense Yulan’s mood, but they weren’t bothered by it either. Their reaction was like, ‘if he doesn’t like to be with us, we don’t care either way’.
But even though the rest were aware of his bad mood, his own friend didn’t seem to be so. He was sitting beside Yulan with his usual self, Yulan’s mood was already pretty bad so his carefree attitude bothered him a little. He couldn’t help but open his mother to stop him.
“Shut up, Ger.”
“I only said one word.”
“Then stop bothering me.”
“You’re so selfish.”
Seeing him smiling as usual, Yulan couldn’t help but wonder if Ger, his best friend, knew that he was angry and that his carefree attitude was making him angrier. Well, it was possible for him to be completely unaware of it, or maybe he was aware of it and was ignoring it. It could also be that he just didn’t care about it all. The only problem was that Yulan’s displeasure was meaningless and worthless to Ger.
Yulan probably liked that about Ger. But at the same time, he also despised it.
Ger was a man who was free to be himself and to others. Where people search for steady friendship, he was very comfortable with the fact that most of his relationships with others were based on profit and loss.
Although his personality was far different than other nobles, he wasn’t bitterly criticized for having this sense of righteousness, nor was he treated as an understanding person based on his own interpretation. The boundary between himself and others was clear. As long as the other party was someone to his liking and they can have a conversation, he wouldn’t care if there is an abyss spreading between them. Yulan knew about this fact because in a sense, he had the flattest interaction with him.
But at the same time, there were some things where their feelings were in sync.
There were many people in the school who disliked Ger, the Prince of a closed country. Under the guise of neutrality, because of his exotic scent from the outside, they don’t like to interact with him much. On the other hand, Yulan’s situation was much more unique than Ger’s, but many students accepted him because of his charming attitude, good appearance, and personality. He had calculated his behavior so that this would be the case. In this way, many students adored Yulan.
And Ger was someone who lived his life without feeling any emotion toward those around him. His emotionlessness, his indifference, and his overwhelming reserve seemed to be a tremendous strength of him.
Yulan could never put into words how jealous he was of him for his carefree personality and how angry he was for it at the same time.
“……… shut the fuck up, my head hurts.”(Yulan)
“Oh, ……, you haven’t slept enough? You’ve got a eyebags under your eyes.”
Yulan had so much to think about and so much to do that he hadn’t slept half as much as he usually did. Add to that his low blood pressure, he was in a very bad mood and his physical condition was also terrible because of this. He had no intention of neglecting his self-care, but the increased thinking had thrown him off schedule.
(There is not much information that can be gathered. ……)
After scrutinizing and analyzing that little information, digging even deeper again ……, the result was nothing satisfying. Everything was same as before, only his heart was in turmoil for the lack of information. All the information he had gathered was completely useless to the point of frustrating.
All the hard work, even the sleepless nights, had been in vain, but the option to quit just didn’t exist in his dictionary.
(Vio-chan, I hope you’re okay. ……)
What came to his mind was the last time he saw Violette’s face. A face where surprise, impatience, and despair all coexisted, and then her back, moving away like running from him.
The series of scenes played over and over in his mind, and he hated to admit the fact that the reason could be him. It was even more annoying because he couldn’t figure out anything definitive, even though he had a general idea of what to expect.
As he rubbed his aching temples and gritted his teeth, he was tempted to blame everything to that stupidly innocent sister of Violette.
(After all, it’s hard not to get information about her home.)
Yulan could never ask Violette herself. He had the policy that he should never remind her about home when she was outside. And there was also the fact that she might not disclose any information to him, considering how she had been avoiding him.
Violette smiled at him and assured him that she was fine, but she was never able to fool him easily. He wasn’t able to recognize her strength. He should have realized earlier that Violette’s “okay” was not okay, but patience.
(It would be best if I could ask Marin……)
The person who knew everything about Violette, in some ways more than Yulan was only Marin. She was without a doubt the woman Violette trusted more than anyone else in the world. If only he could be contacted with her in any way, not only would all of Yulan’s question be resolved, but she would also benefit in every way as a byproduct.
But to do so would be too risky in many ways.
First, there was no way to contact her personally. There is no way to contact Marin, the servant of Duke Vahan, without any intermediary. There might be a telephone in the Vahan household, but Marin would not be able to use it personally, and even a letter could be seen by anyone, anywhere.
When the head of the family lived in a separate house, there was still a way. Belrose was always holed up in his room, and the servants were all sympathetic and affectionate toward Violette.
But now, there were three foreign objects in that house. The servants were not all that considerate of Violette because the people who took care of them in the other house have moved in with them.
Yulan trusted Marin, he just didn’t trust the rest of them.
Yulan couldn’t help but kick his tongue in annoyance. It was not that he was at a bottleneck ……, but he didn’t have much options from begin with. He had a lot of things to think about. In addition, he needed to plan a way to communicate with Marin as a last resort.
The causes were increasing faster than the lack of sleep going away.
“I’m sorry to bother you, but there’s something I need to tell you.”
Yulan turned his lowered gaze unknowingly to Ger, who had taken the liberty of taking the seat in front of him. The glare that left his eyes was unintentional, but his head was hurting too much to say it was intentional.
The normally mild-mannered cat had wandered off*, there was no way Ger wasn’t going to be intimidated by Yulan’s expression. He opened his thin lips and hurriedly apologized, “I’m sorry, I’m sorry. But I have to tell you this.”
[T/N: it’s a proverb. It probably means, someone who is mild-tempered is now angry(?)]
“You know Rosette Megan, don’t you?”