Today, as always, the postcard of a perfect happy house was stifling. Even though Violette has become accustomed to it, it does not mean that she no longer feel this uncomfortable feeling. It just means that she has developed a way to tolerate and endure it.
And today, she feels 30% more suffocated than usual. Perhaps it’s because of the discomfort of having her heart being crushed, but she is having a hard time just chewing and swallowing. This discomfort feels similar to when she gets …… heartburn.
“Are you listening to me, Violette?”
They aren’t allowing her even a shred of escapism. They usually don’t notice what Violette is doing, but at times like this, they are so perceptive that she hates it. She doesn’t want to use a blindfold now, she already plugged her ear out of their discussion, but it’s frankly the most depressing thing she has ever experienced.
Violette wants them to think that she is being sincere even if it’s a little messy. She is certainly not listening properly. She is just hearing them through one ear and sliding them the other. And she is also trying to erase her sense of presence as much as possible. In her previous life, she would bite back at every word and reply with triple the bitterness she was feeling, resulting in a huge fight that would always get out of her hand. Violette has neither the energy nor the strength to go to such trouble now.
“You are not at all …… impressed by Mary’s example. Shame on you for being an older sister and inferior to your younger sister.”
If they are satisfied with just uttering emotionless canned sentences, there is no reason for them to sacrifice her self-esteem and self-affirmation. In the first place, her emotions had been beaten to a pulp so many times that it is only to be expected that they would be broken now. And the more those emotions are broken, the more she looses all sensations. In a way, it is very easy and comfortable to stay in despair. But if she stayed too long, she’ll want to die, but Violette is sure she will manage to fix it before that happens.
Don’t worry, I’ve always done that. I have been broken, crushed, and sometimes killed my emotions and feelings many times before. A dead heart doesn’t stop beating, because it never beats in the first place. With a little care, it can be used again, at the expense of a little pain.
“Father, you can’t talk like that!”
Violette wonders if anyone would think Marijune’s pouting lips has extraordinary power. To her father, at least, it would be no more than a kitten playing with him.
But even so, it seems that she had enough power to end her father’s humiliation to Violette. He didn’t even notice the blood draining from Violette’s face, but he immediately changed direction at the call of Marijune. It was a refreshing change of pace.
Violette is now nothing more than air. Not oxygen that is inhaled, but carbon dioxide that is exhaled and no longer needed.
The weight on her shoulders has decreased, but the load on her stomach has increased. This is a common symptoms of stress.
Violette again wonders if she would not have to go through this farce if she had a hole in her stomach. But she knew that Marijune would complain that she had worried her and lecture her about self-care. If Violette was the kind of person who would change her mind just because she was down on the floor, then her mother’s strategy would have worked.
“I’m sure you had a tough time with your first test,” he said.
“I was very nervous, but I had a lot of fun!”
Her sparkling smile is innocent to no end, and pierces Violette without a shred of cloudiness.
Marijune’s ability and heart are probably the reason why she can call it fun, which Violette desperately wants to feel too. Being pure genius is not a bad quality …… or maybe it’s because it’s Marijune.
Marin, who is waiting behind Violette, is beyond angry and even terrified. The daughter, who does not doubt her father’s love for her, even labels his unreasonable scolding of her sister as love.
Marin knows that it is because of these parents that she is too blind. …… Still, the dreaming princess who does not see reality makes her want to vomit. She is free to believe in morality and philanthropy, but if it is a blindfold that makes Violette’s wounds nonexistent, there is no greater harm than this to Marin.
Without Violette’s persistent ……, She would have beaten this stupid girl, stupid father and daughter duo until she couldn’t feel her hands anymore. The reason she never did that is because she knows they will never understand their own stupidity.
It has already been many years since she has spent her days wishing that they would just die.
Violette bit down on the fork she had just put in her mouth, and a funny sound echoed behind her ears. She managed to choke on it, but it was still more than enough to shock her.
Violette looks up and saw Marijune smiling at her. Like their expressions, it’s like they are sisters who really don’t resemble each other, but still love each other. Violette can’t smile this carefree, and more importantly, she doesn’t think she would want to smile here.
“I am very happy with the results of my sister. Because I studied with my sister!”
“…… good for you.”
If she prolonged the conversation poorly, Violette is sure her father’s eyes would grow stern. She can easily imagine a future in which she would be scolded just for not having a conversation that would be beneficial to Marijune. The only saving grace is that when the conversation breaks off, Marijune immediately shifts gears to her parents.
Violette wasn’t going to say any word back and lower her gaze to get back to eating ……. Until she was surprised by the unexpectedness of what Marijune said next.
“Yulan is a smart guy. He came first place in our grade!”
“I tried my best, but I couldn’t get past Yulan-kun.”
A joyful voice reaches her ears, but Violette doesn’t have enough time to react to it now. She was hit from an unexpected place, and all she could do was just be surprised.
(First place …… by Yulan?)
Violette knows that Yulan is excellent, but still, she has never heard of him taking first place before, and she was pretty sure that Maryijune was the first place winner before the time …… rewind.
Violette knows that that past doesn’t help, especially if the past is black. No matter how much Violette tries to keep her nose to the grindstone, the people around her always make a fuss about it. The most prominent of them is her father, who tries to blame Violette by creating a smoke where there is no fire.
So, she had no intention of disputing the difference between her memories and her …… own life, but she never thought that this was the result that awaited for her.
(…… what I was trying to do, you did it)
A large study group. Facing with Claudia. Although the time continued to be not so good for Yulan, it is true that he made more progress in many ways than he would have alone with Violette. Except for Yulan’s mind.
(I see. …… good)
Violette is trying to control her mouth, which is about to break apart into a wide smile, and feigns normalcy. Inwardly, flowers are dancing in her heart, but if they were to notice that, what kind of verbal blades would fly …… Marijune’s admiration for someone she was no match for is bound to be met with angry shouts and beatings.
Violette replies plainly, as if she isn’t interested. She is not sure if she is being too blunt, which would have made her father uncomfortable, but now she had to be aware of it or else her voice would have sounded scratchy. Fortunately, Marijune did not notice and continued talking, so nothing is said.
In the guise of listening while letting her voice drift from right ear to left, Violette’s mind is looking in the other direction.
She iss so happy. As pleased as if it is her own result.
Violette would have liked to hear it from him anyway, but since she knows him so well, she would like to congratulate him first. Yulan would probably come running to her to praise him, but sometimes it’s good to go ahead and give him a compliment.
Violette’s heart returned to its warm temperature. Her cold feelings softly melted away. It was as if Yulan had given her the strength to overcome this space.
“I thought, since this is a good opportunity, I’d like to get to know him better!”
The words were supposed to flow out and disappear, but instead, they gained weight and sank into her brain with increasing weight.
“You’ve done well. We are proud of you.”
“Thank you, Father. This is all thanks to my sister!”
Although her voice was cheerful, people listening to her didn’t feel so.
T/N: I hope the author quickly do something…..and teach that trashy father a lesson that he would regret for the rest of his life for treating Violette so harshly. My poor heart can’t take it anymore. *Cries*
70. The value of carbon dioxide