65. Longing and envy are similar.
Ah, they are not so different, after all. Violette and Yulan’s relationship is well known to the high society.
The atmosphere and the air seemed to have a different color only there where they are standing. Is it because of his subjective perception, or is it actually the case?
Either way, it doesn’t matter. Either way, the world that Claudia sees is still the same.
“Thank you for everything, Mirania-sama.”
“I didn’t do much.”
“No, you gave me a lot of useful books!”
“Because it was Miss Marijune herself who read them and learned from them.”
Marijune and Mirania are talking beside Claudia, smiling at each other. Perhaps because of Mirania’s personality as well as Marijune’s own amiability, their atmosphere was familiar as if they knew each other before.
It was the same with Claudia, who also had conversation with Marijune. There was no need to choose a topic of conversation based on their personalities and tolerance level, from the beginning. Because they are both born as genius.
Marijune’s purity of heart is dazzlingly beautiful. Whether people takes that as goodness of her heart or as naivete is up to each individual, but if he were to express his own personal opinion, he would say that she is a very likable person.
But he knows that he doesn’t like her.
“You are not very good at arts and sciences.”
“Yes, I guess. …… I’m not really aware of it. The only thing I’m not good at is solving math problems. I can’t just take a few minutes to read and understand the text.”
“Oh, ……, if you ask me, that’s true.”
“Well, there weren’t many mistakes to begin with.”
Claudia’s ear picks up their voice. The actuality that he doesn’t care is what he is aware of most.
The most important thing to remember is that the best way to use your time is to be careful how you spend.
Claudia always feels uncomfortable when he talks to her. He is sure that he doesn’t like Marijune.
She is always clumsy and unsure of her footing, which is not his favorite thing about her. He feels uncomfortable and inconvenienced whenever he is with her, as if he wants to turn away from her and not talk to her.
Violette on the other hand is completely different from Marijune. Her beauty and gracefulness is something that makes her personality much more charming than Marijune. She is someone that Claudia would like without hesitation. And her personality became even better recently, making her even more lovable than before.
Claudia tried to convince himself, it is better if he doesn’t look at Violette. Because he knows she has an unshakeable guard around her. He should not think much about her. If he didn’t think about her, he would not be tormented by such insubstantial feelings. Even though he knows that the feelings he has for her is not easily replaceable.
Still, his eyes are drawn to her. His ears filters out the other noises and picks up her voice more clearly.
Until recently, even the sight of her was unpleasant, and the unnatural sweetness of her voice was polluting his ears. Claudia used to behave so badly at Violette that he would have liked to forget about her if he could.
She was supposed to be a bad person, but she wasn’t.
The gaze that is drawn to her is sewn up outside of her awareness. Claudia just wanted to burn the image of her in his heart so hard that he wouldn’t think of the emotion of pulling her away from him.
Claudia was so caught up in the moment that he couldn’t think of anything to convince himself to stay away from her.
He was so surprised.
Immediately, his whole body became tense. He felt shame at his own actions as he was penetrated by a cold, emotionless gaze.
The fact that Yulan noticed him made him feel even more uncomfortable than when stealing glances at Violette herself. To Claudia, Yulan is a kind of a strength, someone his opposite, something to be feared. He doesn’t know exactly what or why should he fear him but he does.
Claudia’s heart beats fast, like a child before being scolded. He could hear the thumping of his heart getting louder. He wondered what did he say to Yulan for his eyes to become sharper …….Is it really because Yulan is also aware of his unknown feeling towards Violette?
All the worries that had been going through his brain turned out to be unfounded.
Yulan looked away from Claudia, as if he never noticed his presence.
Calm and gentle, just as many people imagine Yulan to be. But Claudia knows very well that his innermost feelings towards him are dozens of times bitter than usual people.
“Hey, Vio-chan, let’s go out somewhere again after the test.”
Yes, of course. I’ll go with you wherever you want to go this time.”
“I promised before that I would let you think of a reward for you. We should pick one together anyway.”
“Wow,…… thanks, Vio-chan!”
“I haven’t done anything yet.”
Violette pressed her lips into a smile she couldn’t hold back. Yulan completely melted by her smile and continued to immersed himself in happiness.
Claudia, who was still standing and watching them was dazzled by her smile. The view in front of him was so perfect that he forgot to breath.
Was it longing he can see in Yulan’s expression, which is the opposite of his own, or was it a desire to be dazzled by the beautiful scene?
Or was it envy toward Yulan for Violette’s smile that has always been directed at him, which Claudia had hated so much?