64. Pressure

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 It was only natural that the more Violette studied for the test, the closer she got to the test. By the time she got used to the pain of studying hard everyday, the first day of the test was already scheduled. Tomorrow, it was the time for her first test.

“……Yeah, with these notes, I think you can do pretty good.”

“Looks like you’ll have no problem with the memorization stuff either.”

 The two people who graded the question booklet, which was based on past papers, gave her satisfying replies. She has been looking over it herself and found nothing that looked like could cause her any problem, but it is still reassuring to get advice of a parson …… who is also older and more talented.

“Thank you.”

“I’ll give this back to you in case you want to take a quick look at it during your break.”

 When the graded answer sheets came back, Violette ran her eyes over them and found that she had answered all the questions correctly. Of course, this does not mean that this particular questions will be given tomorrow’s test, but it is still a good result to gain confidence.

“I’m sure the two of them won’t have anything to worry about either.”

“Thank you very much.”

“This will be Marijune’s first test, and I think she’ll have a good …… result.”

“I couldn’t have done it without you guys! If it had been just me, I would have been so confused and wouldn’t have known what to write in the test.”

 After studying for this test, Violette has become quite accustomed to seeing Claudia and Marijune together. But she has to remember that how their relationship is going is none of her problem.
 
The test in front of her is more important than anything else right now.

(I never thought I could get a perfect score, even if it was on a past test.)

 It seems that the daily study sessions have paid off. She didn’t even remember the questions of the test of her previous life, though she does remember taking it once, but her memories are too hazy and her life was too full of experiences to be remember such needless test. The fact that it was the second time made her understanding of the class better, but that’s about it. Since she doesn’t remember the questions properly, it was too poor to be called a cheat.
 
Violette glanced at her questions and focused on the ones that would take her a long time to solve and the ones she wasn’t sure of.

 In her previous life, when she took on the challenge of taking the test alone without anyone’s help, Marijune easily shone at the top of the class. She would naturally achieve excellent results this time, too. Because she also studied hard with everyone else. As for the accompanying words of complaint from her father to Marijune and scornful words to her, she is already prepared for them. As long as she was prepared for it, she would simply ignore them and think that it was a regular occurrence.
 
However, this time, she cannot be a failure just to irritate her father.

 Yulan took care of her, Claudia helped her.

 Violette understands more than anyone how big a deal that is. She is not like Marijune, who is lucky to be born genius, neither she is Mirania, who would always surprise people with his extraordinary achievement.

 Yulan was troubled, uncomfortable, but still tried to help Violette. Claudia, who overcame his disbelief and conflict and lent his help to an annoying woman.
 In order to repay these two people, she must do her utmost.

“Are you nervous?”

“…… a little bit.”

“I knew it. Your face is a little tense.”

 The most important thing to remember is that the best way to get the most out of your disbelief is to be prepared for the unexpected.

“But …… it’s not an unpleasant nervousness.”

 It’s not the usual nervousness, like she has a blade in her neck, like her heart is in someone else’s hand. It’s not at all like the anxiety of being stabbed and her neck gripped in a deathly way.

 It’s like a weight is on her back and it’s hard to move. She feels like she has to crawl if she wants to move, but maybe that’s why she is so excited, so inspired.

 Violettr is sure that this is the pressure of her mind. Her body is so heavy as if she is carrying so many burden on her back, but….

She has to do her best.

 To ask someone to lend her a helping hand, to want to respond to someone’s kindness, until now, she didn’t know that. She had never thought of doing her best for someone.

 She doesn’t know if they, her family expected her to do so. She was only scolded for not crossing the hurdles that were set for her. She was not even given the time to think about whose standards they were made based on, or who the hurdles were for.

 Violette thought that everything that was forced upon her was bothersome.
 

 The things that her father wanted from Violette was always composed without her. Even if she could do it, she would not be praised, but if she couldn’t, she would be cursed.

 Violette is not even allowed to live for herself.

 She is deprived of the legs to stand on her own, and yet she is told to run to someone else. Even if she has to crawl, she is told to move for someone else.

 How is this different from slavery?

 She doesn’t want to be a slave. She doesn’t want to be someone else’s shadow.

 Violette’s desire grew so great that she herself lost sight of herself. She committed a crime and ended up atoning “for someone else,” which she detested the most.

 It was too foolish, too extreme of a thought, even now she can see that it was.

 One cannot live only for someone else. But neither can they live only for themselves.

 It’s a simple thing, a very simple thing, but until now, she didn’t know this.

 Just as she wanted to reward Yulan, she wanted someone to reward her, too. The feeling of wanting to show someone’s strength and getting praised for is very beautiful.

 If that is the pressure that is being put on her, then there is no pressure that is more comfortable.

“So, good luck with your exam…….”

 The only thing he cheered for was Violette, as if she was his concern.
 Violette smiles at Yulan as a matter of course.

“Oh, you too,” she said, “we have studied hard together. So we will both do a good result.”

 The way she squinted her eyes while smiling happily is like an angel fell from the sky, her own dignity and innocence were in harmony with her happiness.

 Naturally, Violette pulled Yulan closer to her heart unconsciously. She prepared a seat for Yulan in her own world. Without realizing how much relief and joy it would bring to Yulan.

“……Yes, that’s right.”

“You also got a perfect score on the problem set, didn’t you?”

He was a little like Violette. His score was average, but it’s not like he could get a perfect score on the past exams.

“It’s okay.”

“It would be easier if we could both get a satisfied result.”

“What’s the point of studying so hard if you can’t get it?”

 Their world is complete. This is because Violette has taken her acceptance of Yulan for granted. It is a world of only for them because they are childhood friends, and it is the result of Yulan gradually embedding himself in Violette’s unconscious mind.

 So Violette doesn’t know.

 Only Yulan was aware of the golden eyes that were pinned on them.

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