63. Pray to God

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One more person to study for a test doesn’t change what they have to do. There is no particular matter for her to feel bothered by it, and vice versa. As Claudia said, it was enough for Marijune to be taught the basics. She was quietly working on her own without asking any questions.
For some reason, Claudia had been following Violette for a long time, leaving Marijune behind.

He said it was because he made a promise to Yulan. Violette wonders if it is because the Claudia in front of her is so different from the Claudia in her memory that she feels somewhat uncomfortable even though she understands that.

 She know the end of a humiliating one-sided love . She has no regrets about the end that she deserved, about love. Still, she cannot lie to herself, who was hurt by the look of disdain that was directed at her by Claudia.

The Claudia of that time is gone. Violette already knows that her memories are useless in a world that has rewinded. Even if she knows what’s going to happen in the future and avoids it, she will be hit from another place.
So, even though she knows in her head that the Claudia she knows and the Claudia she is seeing now should be considered separately. She still can’t forget the hurt she felt by him.

(Is it because somewhere in my heart I’m expecting ……?)

 If she could give up on him, if she could forget all her feelings and memories of him, it would be so much easier to breath. The less you expect, the less you will be hurt. The fact that she can’t do that is suffocating for her. She is still worried about Claudia’s eyes on her.

 Is it because she have the baseness to cling miserably to a hope that should have been crushed?

 At least, there is a possibility to the extent that she cannot immediately deny that it is not true.

( I don’t want that, ……, Because it would only be a repeat of the last time.)

 The worst-case scenario crossed her mind, and she involuntarily put her hand on her forehead and sighed.
 If that were to happen, the redo would end up being a rerun. A year for nothing, a memory for nothing. One hopeless ending like that is more than enough.

 Shaking her head a few times to shake off all hope and expectation, her shaken brain brought on some thoughts. It’s a small price to pay if you can reform your memories with only a disturbance of the semicircular canal.

The only problem is that the location of the school made it a little easy to attract attention. The most common reason for this is that the people in the hallway during break time usually do not say anything strange about them. But Violette is sure, behind their back, people might be whispering nonsense logic among themselves.

That is the reason why most people’s eyes on them are weird.

“What ……?”

“You seemed a little woozy.”

 The beautiful eyes are sewn into a shade of purple. The hair is dark shade of pink and the eyes are beautiful purple. A girl with a noble impression. Someone called her a saint, a person who is pure, lovely, holy, and suited to all kinds of purity.
 Seeing her up close, it is no wonder she has that reputation. She is exactly the kind of white, beautiful being that Casablanca would be if she were personified.

 Princess Rosette Megan. Like Gia, she is a foreign student and a princess of a neighboring country.

 The way she lowered her eyebrows in concern was something that came to my mind. When a beautiful person’s heart aches and her expression is distorted, the beauty it brought appeals to her more than necessary. It is even more so when it is a person who is pure and unclouded.

“If you find it hard to walk, I will call someone for you.”

“Oh,……, no, I’m fine. I was just thinking about something.”

“I see. …… I’m sorry for meddling.”

“Oh, no,……, I’m sorry for worrying you, too.”

“Don’t worry about it.”

 Leaving behind a beaming smile and the scent of flowers, she leaves Violette behind. Even the back of her head as she walks away is beautiful.
Violette attracts the same kind of attention just by walking, but the fact that there is not a single cloud in her gaze is probably her virtue.
 The attention paid to Violette is often mixed with a variety of condescending things. It may be an ulterior motive toward the bewitching Violette, or it may be a judgment of her family background, or it may also be a suspicion toward her stepmother and half-sister, and now it is a mixture of negative stares.

(I don’t envy ……, do I? Not that I envy them, but it’s the same thing if it gets attention.)

 The admiration and respect for Rosette is somewhat better, but for Violette, it’s all the different if she’s the center of attention. If possible, it would be preferable to be invisible, out of everyone’s sight, but she is well aware that this is an absurd wish.

(I’d rather be invisible now that I can’t talk to anyone.)

 Because Rosette is adored, it is easy for people to gather around her. On the other hand, Violette is often kept at a distance because of rumors and her face, which has an atmosphere that makes it difficult to talk to people.
 If she is going to be the center of attention anyway, it’s better to stay as she is, even if it makes a bad impression.

“Clean and pure, right?”

 The feelings people have for Rosette are something Violette can never bear.
She doesn’t need to tell by anyone that in her previous life and now she is far from clean.
She has decided not to have expectations and have given up on her family and father, but she hasn’t forgiven them. She can’t honestly love her half-sister, and she can’t just let bygones be bygones and laugh at the fact that her father had it hard too. Just because she had learned that there is no point in hating and resenting, it doesn’t mean that she has lost the hatred and resentment. She has to sink down so that she doesn’t have to show her feelings, or else she will to throw a plate at her father the next time they meet.

In the end, nothing has changed in Violette’s temperament. She has changed, but she has not changed.

……So much so that she even tries to take advantage of God.

 She wants to join a monastery because she wants to have faith and pray to God.
Violette wants to escape from her parents, her family, and her home. That is the only reason. She is confident that she can endure any kind of life in that house, but her reason is something that could infuriate the devout believers.

 She believes God has saved her. She believes that God has given her a chance, and she is taking it.
But she wouldn’t pray for salvation. She can’t really believe that her wish to a shooting star will come true.

 After all, she is just thanking God.

(Maybe I don’t believe in God…)

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