105. My God

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 This man alone is my ally, no matter what time, no matter who becomes my enemy.

 No matter what I do, he must stay with me.


 By the time Yulan left with Violette and returned home, the sky was darkening. Since it was basically this time every day when he returned, the family was not particularly concerned, and only a minimal number of servants greeted him. Yulan would see his parents later at dinner.

 The parents who took Yulan in are both kind-hearted and generous people. They are both very open-minded and big-hearted, and because they value their own values, their interference in other people’s lives is minimal. This does not mean that they are heartless or indifferent, but rather that they have a clear understanding of distance and boundaries.

 From Yulan’s point of view, who perceives others first of all with malice and indifference, they have fair personalities. If Yulan had been born as one of their children from the beginning, he would have respected them wholeheartedly and set his sights on their backs. It’s an irreversible lie, and he couldn’t be like them now, nor does he want to be. The days when he could aspire to be fair are long gone.

 The first thing Yulan did after entering his room was to put away the pocket watch he took out of his bag in its glass case. The violet flower on the lid of the pocket watch shone through the glass, the image was so beautiful that nothing could be compared to it. He had been looking for a case that would match the beauty of the pocket watch and the strict protection it received, but unfortunately, he couldn’t find one.

 Yulan changed into his comfortable clothes and hung his uniform together on the sofa, someone would later retrieve it while Yulan was out of the room. Yulan always did his best not to touch anything in this room, and make sure that only clothes and garbage were put away. He has always preferred to be alone, and this is thanks to the fact that the people around him have adapted to him. The son of the King’s concubine is not someone you want to have much to do with, even if he is the one you are supposed to serve. When Yulan is in his room, the only people who might visit him are his parents.

 He sat in a chair by the window and raised one leg. Resting his chin on his knee, his eyes looked at the picture frames that line the window frame. But there was no human figure in the memories in them. They are faded pressed flowers, palm-sized notes, or broken braided cords.

 The fingertips of his fingers lifted slowly, tracing the pressed flowers through the cold frame. Even without a photograph to cut out the scene, a flower that has deteriorated and lost its vividness opened the door to a memory.

 When they first saw these flowers together, they didn’t even know what they were called, they just admired how pretty they were. It was when they were playing together in the library that he learned that it was a forget-me-not, which is treated like a weed but never withers and grows in clusters. They would sit around a book, write down the books they wanted to read, and circle the ones they had finished. While both of them preferred illustrated books and children’s history books over stories, they learned about the jinx of the string that would make their wishes come true if it broke naturally.

 Yulan remembered every word Violette said, every expression. The sky, the wind, the scent, everything.

(Finally, here we are.)

 With a thump, his knees and forehead collide. He was a young boy who couldn’t even leave behind a picture inside the picture frames, and could only lock away the pieces of his happiness. He didn’t even realize that Violette, who was smiling in front of him, had been crushed by the painful reality as soon as he turned his back on her.

 He was happy just to be by her side, and without knowing the meaning of greed, he believed purely and baselessly that as long as he had feelings for her, eternity would be guaranteed. He was swimming in muddy water, but his naivete, characteristic of a child, made him optimistic. When he realized that nothing lasts forever and everything needs strength to continue, the countdown to the end began, and he was reminded of his own unworthiness.

 Yulan realized that there was no point in just thinking that he could do anything to make her happy.

(This is it, or rather, this is where it starts.)

 Yulan repeatedly tapped his forehead in an attempt to calm his racing mind. It was too early to get carried away, and if he let his guard down and get caught off guard, everything he had done so far would come crashing down like a wave.

 He let out a lungful of air, and when he closed his eyes, he could see a beaming Violette behind his eyelids reaching for him.

 Violette is always the one who reaches out to him. That is why Yulan can stand and walk to her. Yuran is an egoist, acting on his own interpretation and greed, but he has no shadow of a sense of self-possession.

 From his head to his toes, from his five vital organs to his blood, from his life to his soul, everything belongs to Violette.

 That is why she must remain a caged bird. In a world woven with peace and tranquility, she will remain unaware of the shadows of external enemies for the rest of her life. Wherever she wants to go, he will carry her. If she wants to fly away, he will make a bigger, wider cage for her. If something goes wrong, he hopes she’ll be in a place where his body can be a shield.

 If he loses his owner, his one and only God, if he loses his breath.

 He couldn’t bear it – he couldn’t bear it, he could never bear it.

(Don’t worry, I can do it, I will do it. I’ll never make a mistake …… this time, I promise.)

 Yulan’s biting lips tasted faintly of blood. His clawed palm ached, and he could feel the skin slowly shredding. He felt a slight heat, but didn’t feel any pain. It didn’t matter, this much, it was bearable.

 Compared to the despair he felt that day when the world he loved so much was crushed and broken.

T/N: I’m sorry everyone. Because of technical issues, two of my other novel’s chapters were posted as this novel’s. I have no idea why it happened, and I’m still trying to figure it out. Sorry for the inconvenience, I promise I will try to fix the problem as soon as possible.

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