Yulan could remember it again and again. He could see it over and over and over again in his dream.
He could remember the disgust, the rage, the hatred, and the resentment of those days, thrown at him for being born with the pair of golden eyes.
No matter how much it hurt, it was never enough, no matter how much he grinded it down until it was turned into a mess, there was no end to it. The past, which exists nowhere else in the world, will always haunt him. If this was a curse, if this was the price to pay, then he wasn’t the right target. Yulan himself couldn’t imagine a better way to corrode his spirit.
The days Violette was dragged into hell. The days of judgment when the fools, unaware of their own sins, forced everything on her alone. Shaming herself for unconsciously believing in God, and knowing that she was worthless and unable to do anything about it still hoped for people’s recognition.
Yulan decided not to forgive this world, which was cruel to both him and her.
Why do I feel uncomfortable with a smile that contains self-mockery?
Rosette, who knew very little about Yulan, felt that he was so picturesque and far removed from the high-pressure atmosphere that had prevailed earlier. His eyes, shadowed by his bangs, looked somewhat vacant, yet they seemed to exude a glazed look of irritation. The eyes of a demon or a God of Death might be like this, dark and stagnant, shining with greed and gold. She heard that it wasn’t considered a sacred color in this country, but she didn’t think that she would be able to get a clean impression of these eyes anywhere in the future.
“Now that I know what I want to know,……, I’ll leave you to it.”
The same frivolous tone as when he came, not caring about Rosette’s opinion, who was unable to say anything about Yulan’s change in behaviour. Yulan, who seemed to have lost interest in her wholeheartedly, turned away without any lingering thought. The last thing she saw was a smile after he had already finished putting on his mask. The scene was so bizarre that Rosette almost thought what she saw was an illusion.
The reason he didn’t talk about keeping their meeting a secret especially because he didn’t feel the need to do so,……,also probably because there was no room for negotiation. Compared to Rosette, who had very little information about Yulan, Yulan had researched her thoroughly. It was safe to say that Yulan had more information about Rosette, who had very little information on Yulan.
Rosette had no intention to convince him of anything. Maybe he came to her because he suspected something, now that he had concluded the information and convinced himself on his own, there was no need to stop him and tell him anything more. To be honest, Rosette was not the kind of person who wanted to be actively involved.
“I wonder if …… Violette-sama knows.”
From the way he talked, he must be very close to Violette. If it were possible, she would like Violette to reevaluate her friendship with him, but thinking about this, if she did that then her earlier words would boomerang back at her.
An outsider had no right to interfere in their affairs. She had just learned about Yulan’s true nature, without any evidence, she couldn’t reveal it to Violette. Because Yulan was too competent in hiding himself.
(Not exactly the same as I dreaded ……)
He was a man with a pressure that made you back away and a weight that made you freeze up. She saw madness swirling in his eyes, and the danger as if at any moment he might force her to go over the railing and jump into the abyss.
Still, the fact that he could not be classified as an object or person to be merely feared and shuddered at was probably due to the glimpse of self-loathing behind his confidence.
He was not a person to whom Rosette could afford to offend. She supposed Yulan might have thought so too. They were wary of each other and only wanted to take care of the person they have in common from both sides. Rosette knew that without Violette, this thin thread would not have been connected between them.
But she wondered if this connection was fortunate or if it was something that would eventually get in the way.
The answer will be known in the not-too-distant future.