Chapter 878
My head feels dizzy.
Every time an unfamiliar voice echoed in my mind, I felt bile rising.
I clutched my chest and tried to catch my breath, but even that wasn’t easy.
What is this? What does this feel like?
The view ahead is blurry.
What had only been sounds gradually began to cloud my vision.
The scenery has changed.
It wasn’t Dang So-yeol I faced in the night; rather, it was a figure from somewhere else.
It’s hazy, and I can’t see clearly, but it’s definitely not night.
Instead, it’s a bright day. I could faintly see autumn leaves that seem to match the current season.
Where am I? Where on earth am I, and when is this happening to me?
And then—
“Just a little more.”
On one hand, I felt bewildered; on the other, I was focused, wanting to see more of the scene.
Should I say I can’t take my eyes off it? Or perhaps, I just miss it?
It’s a feeling I can’t even explain to myself.
Yet, I wanted to see it somehow. I couldn’t see the expressions. It was me and someone else sitting in front of the cabin I saw for the first time.
– Yeah, just like that.
The woman smiled, seemingly satisfied with her name being called.
But then—
– Please continue to be like that in the future.
There was an inexplicable sadness in her cheerful voice. So, I asked.
– Why are you doing that?
What could possibly make her so sad? Why the sorrow even after getting what she desired?
I asked, but there was no answer.
Was it that the woman wouldn’t speak? Or was it that I just couldn’t hear her voice in my memories? I couldn’t tell.
“Speak.”
But I wanted to hear it.
“Speak up.”
I wanted to grab hold of that memory desperately and ask, but it seemed like the ‘me’ within my memories had decided to remain silent.
Ugh…
It’s suffocating. This moment where I can’t move is even worse.
Why am I feeling so anxious and frustrated?
This was also something I couldn’t grasp.
“Move!”
I gritted my teeth and tried to exert my strength. I knew that even if I did this, I wouldn’t really be able to move within my memories.
Still, it felt necessary.
At that moment, while I was putting all my effort into trying everything—
Swish.
“…!”
My body moves in the foggy scenery.
Did I move? I couldn’t be sure, but I was indeed moving as I wished.
My hand rises.
The woman watching gasps. I couldn’t see her expression because the haziness hadn’t cleared.
– …You?
A voice, filled with surprise, reached my ears.
In that moment—
“Your Majesty…!”
“…!”
I snapped back to reality with that interrupting voice.
“Your Majesty… Are you okay?”
“…Ah…”
Tang So-yeol’s face came into focus. She reached out and caressed my cheek.
“Why… Why are you crying, Your Majesty? Is it because of me…?”
Crying? At those words, I frantically rubbed my eyes.
It was true. Even just a little, tears had gathered.
This is ridiculous.
“What’s going on here?”
Why the heck am I suddenly crying like a baby? And what was with that memory just now? I was momentarily dumbstruck, unable to comprehend the situation.
“I’m sorry…”
I widened my eyes at Tang So-yeol’s words.
“What?”
“I… Did I act unreasonable? I’m sorry… That wasn’t my intention…”
“What are you talking about? No, it’s not like that.”
I tried to hastily add some comforting words, but already, Tang So-yeol was far too shaken.
“…I’m sorry.”
“No, please…”
“I’ll go first. Please, rest.”
Before I could say anything or hold her back, Tang So-yeol attempted to dash off.
Wouldn’t it be better to just let her go this time? I thought that for a brief moment.
In that instant, I caught a glimpse of Tang So-yeol’s eyes as she turned away.
Her reddened eyes looked ready to spill tears at any moment.
Upon realizing that, my hand instinctively reached out.
I grasped Tang So-yeol and pulled her back into my embrace.
“…I’m sorry.”
“…”
“It’s not like that. Really.”
I desperately tried to explain. Tang So-yeol didn’t say a word; she just held tightly onto my back.
The question of whether I loved myself danced around in my mind. What was the answer I meant to give back then?
There was no need to search for it. How could I forget it after all this time?
…The problem was—
“I can’t answer right now.”
The truth is, I couldn’t come up with a reply to that.
Tang So-yeol, upon hearing my words, squirmed in my arms.
“…Why?”
Her voice was barely above a whisper.
“You’re not sure…? Or is it because it’s not like that?”
The quiver in her voice made it clear just how anxious Tang So-yeol was.
“…No. It’s neither.”
Am I unsure? No way. If so, then is it not that kind of feeling? That isn’t it either.
“It’s just… I can’t voice it right now.”
At least not at this moment. Not now.
If I shared it out loud now, it feels like everything I’ve been keeping inside would explode.
Ugh…
“How am I even holding it together?”
Even though I might seem like an incompetent fool, I knew what kind of emotions were in the gazes directed at me.
There was a part of me that struggled to hold back when those feelings clung on.
But I had to endure it.
Deep breath.
“Not now. Not yet.”
Right now wasn’t the time. Not when nothing had been resolved.
At the very least, after everything currently before us was dealt with.
It would only be appropriate to speak then.
So—
“Just a little bit… Just a bit longer.”
“…”
The hand gripping my back tightened.
“How much is this ‘little’?”
That sounded a bit childlike, didn’t it?
Just like me back then, asking how many more days until that day arrives.
How should I answer that? I shouldn’t overthink it.
This time, I had to let out what I genuinely felt.
“It won’t take long.”
I might not offer a certain answer, but I did my best.
It won’t be that long.
No, even if it seemed like it would take forever, I wasn’t planning on letting it drag on that long.
“…”
In the end, I provided a vague answer, but Tang So-yeol didn’t press for more.
She just nestled in my arms, her face resting on my chest.
Time passed like that.
“…Alright.”
Tang So-yeol said while still keeping her head on my chest.
“I’ll wait… I’m confident in that.”
It was a peculiarly bittersweet declaration.
“Instead… Instead, I mean.”
Tang So-yeol lifted her head. Our eyes met. Her eyes were still slightly red.
“If it’s time for you to say that, please tell me first.”
“…Huh?”
“I know it’s not something your Majesty would say to just anyone.”
“…”
It felt like an overwhelming embarrassment that was impossible to deny. Yet, avoiding her gaze was out of the question, so I swallowed hard.
“I realize I’m not the only one who can love you as you are, no matter what you look like or what you do. So, it’s okay.”
“…”
“Ehe… Your expression is really funny right now, Your Majesty.”
“…That…”
“Will you promise me?”
If you’re going to do something, please do it to yourself first.
She spoke with that earnestness, and I rubbed my cheek in response.
“…I’ll try.”
“Yes.”
Tang So-yeol’s expression changed to one of satisfaction with my simple answer.
“Please, please do your best.”
With that bashful smile, Tang So-yeol looked at me, and I, too, awkwardly smiled back.
Just as I thought the conversation was wrapping up like that—
“But, Your Majesty.”
“Huh?”
Tang So-yeol asked.
“Who is Yehwa?”
“…”
Oh, crap.
The atmosphere suddenly turned chilly.
Tang So-yeol was still wearing a smile, but that smile looked oddly fearsome.
Uh-oh…
I had blurted that out without a second thought, and it seemed someone had overheard it again.
To put it bluntly, I was screwed.
“Is she a woman? Who is she?”
“…Did I say something? I’m not sure—”
“From your expression, it looks like you definitely know.”
“…”
Crap.
For a moment, I seriously considered making a run for it, but Tang So-yeol was squeezing me fiercely in her arms.
The grip was so tight that I worried my body might just crumple.
Crack.
“Ah… That hurts?”
“I’m saying it hurts.”
“Oh, right.”
So that’s how it is. So, I guess I have to bear it.
“Who is she?”
“…No, it’s just that—”
“Your Majesty, I hate to say this, but I really don’t want this to escalate anymore.”
“Who said anything about escalating?”
“You, too, have some conscience, don’t you?”
“…”
Did I? It felt like we had come too far to even ask that.
“…Right?”
“Of course. Naturally.”
I answered in a hurried tone that barely contained my panic. It was high time to cultivate a conscience I didn’t really have before!
“Who is she?”
This was a clear non-negotiable. Unlike the earlier situation with Cheonma, her gaze was entirely serious.
The problem lies in—
“…I know.”
“What?”
And here’s the thing—there wasn’t much I could say back.
“Who could it be?”
“…What do you mean?”
“I honestly have no clue. Who could it be?”
I’m just as clueless as you are about who that person might be.
Tang So-yeol frowned at my response, but I was being entirely truthful.
I wanted to know more about this woman named Yehwa.
It’s driving me completely insane.
Saaaa–!
The blades of grass danced in the night breeze. The moon hung close to a crescent.
As if to announce the end of autumn, the scent of winter wafted through the air.
“…”
Someone sat on a rock, gazing up at the sky.
Today, the sky was utterly cloudless. Was it strange? The woman stared at it with a blank expression.
What was she pondering? It was impossible to read her thoughts.
“…Hmm.”
The woman, having been quietly lost in thought while looking at the sky, suddenly murmured softly and began moving her hands.
She stretched her hands and brushed over her chest several times.
“…Ughhh…”
There was a strange reaction, almost as if something felt off. At the same time, her expression suggested confusion.
The woman was deep in thought, her beautiful violet eyes darting around.
“What’s that?”
Something felt off today.
“What is this?”
It was difficult to articulate. Even harder to make sense of.
Stuck in a state of uncertainty, she could only tilt her head from side to side.
“Hmm. Hmm. Hmm.”
She made sounds with each little movement of her head.
For someone of her mature appearance, it was rather childlike behavior.
The woman continued shifting back and forth for a while before suddenly stopping.
“I don’t understand. Ugh, I still don’t know.”
She came to a conclusion.
“I miss someone.”
But who could it be that she longed for? Even she couldn’t provide an answer.
These were merely instinctive words spilling forth.
“Do I miss someone?”
So she turned it into a question.
“Hmm.”
The woman’s legs began to stir slightly in the void.
At that moment—
“Yeon-ah! Yeon-ah! Where has she gone now?”
The woman abruptly halted her movements at the distant sound of calling.
In that moment, an aura burst forth from the woman’s shadow, enveloping the surrounding area.
“Yeon…!”
It was then that she stopped hearing any sound. It was a deliberate choice to be alone at this time.
Furthermore—
“That’s not my name.”
I am not Yeon.
Though she remained still since it was how her sister called her, no matter how much she thought about it, she couldn’t get used to it.
Instinct whispered to her; her name was not that.
Never should she accept that.
So then—
“What is my name?”
What literally was her name? Why did she think of herself as anything but Yeon?
This question had haunted her deeper than anything else she had pondered.
If saying it was bothersome, she could always say no. Her name isn’t that; it must be something else.
She could say it outright.
“I don’t know.”
The woman shuddered at the thought, unable to articulate her true name.
“…I have no idea.”
What could her name possibly be?
No, in truth, perhaps that’s not what’s truly important.
“…What’s truly significant is…”
Who calls her? The fact that someone actually names her plays a more vital role in her thoughts.
She yearned for someone who knows her true name to call out to her.
The woman was waiting for that.
“Hmm…”
She clutched her aching heart. It felt stagnant and painful.
No longer did she want to think about anything.
Swish!
She narrowed the space she had created to conceal her presence and closed her eyes.
She despised the solitude of night.
All she fervently hoped for was that light would return and day would come back.
Just like always.
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