Chapter: 381
“I know.”
I had to hold my breath at my father’s words.
I somewhat expected that kind of answer.
If my mother is alive, does anyone know where she is?
Of course, I thought it was only my father. I looked into my father’s eyes and asked.
“…Where is your mother?”
I had to know where my mother was.
And not just for the common reason of missing her.
Because I gradually began to realize that my mother was involved in everything that happened to me.
The identity of the mother, who is called the second disaster, including the beast in her body.
Even the name of the master of all worlds.
And the most important of them all.
‘About the divine sword.’
The voice that spoke to me as it embraced me just before sending off the divine sword was definitely my mother’s.
How could I forget?
It’s a voice that lingers in my mind even though I want to forget it.
My mother clearly told me to keep the divine sword inside me.
When I heard those words, I felt the energy of the divine sword in my body.
Perhaps my mother also knows a way to meet the divine sword again.
I thought so.
So, to find out the truth about all this, I had to meet my mother in person.
“If you know, please let me know.”
“…”
To my question, my father looks at me without showing any particular reaction.
I wondered how he could be so unresponsive, but when I looked closely at my father’s eyes, I could see.
‘It’s not unresponsive.’
My father’s eyes were shaking slightly.
I watched it and waited for my father to answer.
After a brief silence, my father speaks to me.
“…Why do you want to know that?”
I had to frown in front of my father for the first time in my life at the answer I heard.
Why do you want to know that?
My heart suddenly turned inside out at my father’s words.
“Is it any wonder that a child wants to know where his mother is?”
“…”
“… I don’t just want to know. I want to know now.”
How long has it been since this happened?
I never thought the day would come when I would raise my voice in front of my father. It would be the first time since I returned. It was also one of the most memorable moments in my previous life.
That was a likely situation.
Even at the moment when my heart burst and I died, I didn’t know that my mother was alive somewhere.
Moreover, if it has anything to do with my current life, even if it had nothing to do with it, it is something I should have known somehow.
“If you knew, you could tell me.”
Despite what I said, my father still remained unmoved. The silence was very frustrating.
“house owner….”
“What would you do if you found out where your mother was?”
I pause for a moment at my father’s sudden question, but I immediately start talking.
“I will go find it.”
“Where your mother is?”
“yes.”
I didn’t spit out any lies.
That was the question. My father would have guessed about this too.
“… that’s not a place you can go if you want to go there.”
“Why? Because it’s a demonic realm?”
“…”
“If not, is it because I have to become a small business owner? If not that too.”
My father’s eyes, which I had not been able to see easily for a long time, looked especially clear today.
“Is it because your mother is a disaster?”
“…!”
The moment the words were spoken.
Geuggeuggeuk-!
Heat bursts out from my father’s body.
I almost took a step back without realizing it because of that thick aura, but I barely held on.
If it were normal, I wouldn’t mind, but now I didn’t want to be pushed around.
Amid the spreading heat, my father’s eyes look quite sharp.
Are you frowning?
If not, should I get angry?
I couldn’t recognize my father’s facial expression because I was not used to it.
“… How do you know that?”
Is that a reaction to the statement that your mother was a disaster?
If that’s the case, then it means that the father knows about the existence of disaster and that the mother was a disaster.
“I heard….”
Kuuuu-!
Just as I was about to spit out an answer, a heavy presence emanated from my father. My heart sank at the thought.
“To whom? Who dared to tell you such a thing?”
‘…this.’
My father seems to be getting quite angry and his temper is gradually getting stronger.
It’s quite similar to the heat I felt earlier.
Where did you get your anger from?
Was the problem what I heard from the beginning?
“… That’s not important right now.”
“No, it’s important. So tell me.”
“…”
It was a look in her eyes that said she couldn’t let it go without saying anything. Looking at those eyes, I blurted out the words as if I had no choice.
“…I heard it from the World Tree, who is called the master.”
“…”
My father’s eyes trembled as he heard the story.
The World Tree said so.
My father and mother came to see me. If that’s true, then my father must know about the World Tree.
My father’s reaction was unusual, as if what I said was true.
“That… how do you know that? Surely not…”
My father’s large hand grabs my shoulder.
“Have you been there?”
“If there is a world tree, then yes.”
A false world. It refers to the place where the imprisoned world tree was located.
The more I answer, the more my father’s expression distorts.
Why? Why are you making that face?
When doubts began to arise in my mind, my father spoke to me.
“The reason you crossed the wall. Is that also an influence from there?”
The reason why I was able to reach the world of painting at an early age.
My father was asking if that was the influence of the devil.
“It did have an impact.”
I did get some help.
Because the time I spent there shortened the time it took to get to Hwagyeong.
However, the more I spoke, the worse my father’s expression became.
“That’s not a place you can just go to. How on earth did you end up there?”
“… It just so happened that way.”
“How long, how long were you there?”
It also seemed to know that the time there and the time here were different.
I turn my thoughts to my father’s question.
How much was it?
I don’t know exactly because I didn’t count them day by day.
I think it was around three or four years.
From then on, I didn’t care about it because it was unnecessary.
“It wasn’t that long.”
My father, who heard this, didn’t look very confident.
What on earth is the problem that makes you look so serious?
‘It’ll be the same when I come back anyway.’
Even if it is a false world, I can still feel hunger and thirst.
If you need to, just kill monsters to fill your stomach. If you’re thirsty, just quench your thirst with blood.
If you feel the toxicity unique to the monster, you should purify it with a bet, but if you can’t do it all, you should just move while still feeling pain.
The point is, as long as you don’t die, there’s no problem.
As a result, I reached Hwagyeong.
Moreover, with the enlightenment gained there, I was able to cross over to the present world.
What is the problem?
I couldn’t understand my father’s reaction.
I’m concerned, but that’s not what I was asking right now.
“The Lord also said that he had been there with his mother.”
“That’s what she said.”
Her? I was subtly concerned about the name my father used for the World Tree.
“yes.”
“…Looks like you’ve been spouting out useless words.”
I flinch at the anger in his voice.
The World Tree was the master of the Central Plains. My father spoke in a murderous tone as if nothing had happened.
“The reason you don’t want to tell me is because Mother is truly a disaster that has come upon the world.”
“If that’s the case, what should we do?”
“Even if you say so, nothing will change. I have to listen.”
“…”
My father stared at me after hearing my answer.
Just when I thought he was finally going to give me an answer.
“Not allowed.”
“…!”
I clenched my teeth at my father’s answer.
Even after coming this far, is Father still trying to refuse?
“Why… . Now that I know a little bit, I think I deserve to hear this much.”
I wondered if it was because my father had also been banned, but I had a feeling that wasn’t the case.
It’s just a feeling. My feeling has never been wrong in these situations.
The moment when my impression was about to change.
“How many regrets have you had in your life?”
My father said something rather unexpected.
“…Do you regret it?”
The sudden words made me pause for a moment.
Regret?
How many times have you regretted it?
“I’ve done that a lot.”
He said with a hollow laugh.
What’s the point of saying that? Regrets are like my life. I’ve done it to the point of being sick of it. Maybe it’s something I’ll have to do to the point of being sick of it in the future.
But why would a father ask such a thing?
“I don’t have many regrets in life… No, I don’t have many regrets in life.”
This is a random story. I don’t have many regrets in my life.
It was truly an enviable life.
Whether he knows what I’m thinking or not, my father continues talking.
“I lived a life without any regrets. I thought that excessive regret was meaningless. That’s how I lived. Do you know what the few regrets I have left?”
It’s my father’s regret.
“…I don’t know.”
I had no way of knowing.
When I answer carefully, my father speaks to me as if he had been waiting for me.
“That regret belongs to you and your mother.”
“…!”
Words become like a knife and pierce my heart.
I never thought you would say something like that.
My mother and I regret it. How could you say such a thing to my face?
“That’s it now…!”
At the moment when I couldn’t hold it in any longer and was about to get angry.
“That day. I shouldn’t have taken you to your mother.”
My breath was taken away by my father’s words.
Because it was an unexpected remark.
That day I’m talking about now.
It refers to the day when my mother was swallowed by a demon and disappeared.
“that.”
“I shouldn’t have sent your mother away like that. I shouldn’t have listened to her request and let you face the young you. That’s my regret.”
Just as I was about to say something, I heard my father’s words and was overcome with a sense of alienation.
“…After listening to your mother?”
There. You shouldn’t have sent it like that?
Doesn’t it look like the mother wanted him to leave?
“…”
“That day. The reason you took me was because of what my mother said?”
My father didn’t answer my question, but I could tell that he meant yes.
‘What the heck is this?’
It’s still vivid. Memories of that time still come to mind often.
One winter night.
His hands and ears were red from the cold.
When my mind, which had turned white, became hazy, my mother’s hand touched my cheek, and in front of her, my father was looking down at me.
I remember the unknown magic gate that opened behind me and my mother’s tears, all without fail.
How could I forget that moment when my life started to fall apart?
Until now, I naturally assumed that my father had dragged me there.
‘Actually, my mother wanted to see me?’
This was a story I had no idea about.
“I shouldn’t have listened to her wish to see you one last time.”
The moonlight was casting shadows, so I suddenly couldn’t see my father’s expression clearly.
If what my father said is true.
“Why are you telling me that now?”
It was too late to say that.
I lived my life thinking that my mother became like that because of this shitty family karma and my father’s choices.
At that time, I was afraid of my father, who showed me the last moments of my mother.
like.
Because it seemed to me that if I refused to take on the karma I was meant to carry, this would happen to you too.
But now, if you say that wasn’t the case.
“…It’s too late to say this.”
It’s already too late.
Whether that’s true or not, we’ve come too far now.
“Why didn’t you tell me? If nothing else, you should have at least told me this in advance.”
“If that were the case, do you think things would be different?”
“…”
I couldn’t bring myself to answer yes to that question.
Because now I know that it isn’t always like that.
Even so,
“…So you want me to fall apart because of my resentment towards you?”
It was like that in my past life.
I fell apart, crumbled, and sank into a filthy mess.
Did my father really not know that I would break down like that?
The father takes a few deep breaths as he speaks with so many emotions.
The breath somehow felt heavy.
“No matter what kind of person a person is, if they are faced with a situation that is too difficult to bear.”
It flows out with your breath.
“You’re bound to find someone to blame.”
The words that were spat out without warning were enough to torment my mind.
“If such a being is necessary, wouldn’t it be better to blame an incompetent father rather than a world that cannot be faced?”
“…”
It was bitter. It was truly bitter in some way.
That’s not what I wanted to hear.
All I had to do was ask where my mother was.
I didn’t want to know this now.
“…is a contradiction.”
“okay.”
“Even if by some chance the lord had been considerate of me, it would not have been right for him to just watch me fall apart.”
It was my fault that I couldn’t overcome it and started to break down. But in any case, it was my father who didn’t help me get back up and just let it be.
“You’re not saying that you even wanted me to blame you for that or anything like that, are you?”
Swept away by the wind.
It feels like all the emotions that have built up over the past are rushing out at once.
Where did these feelings come from and why are they only raising their heads now?
It seemed like I was living well without worrying about anything.
On the one hand, I think so.
If only my father had caught me and tried to raise me up when I was falling apart like that.
Have I really changed?
It was something that was unknown because it had not happened.
Even if things were different, I hoped they weren’t.
If that happens.
I would feel so miserable if I had never experienced something like that.
So please.
“okay.”
I hope my father doesn’t look at me like that.
“That is also my regret.”
I hope you look at me with cool and cold eyes, as always.
“Even though I knew I shouldn’t do that. It’s my fault for not reaching out.”
I hoped you wouldn’t look at me with those bitter eyes.
“I’m sorry.”
“…”
“That is why I cannot send you to your mother. This regret is enough.”
An apology from my father that I never thought I would hear.
Something that was barely holding on inside is shattered into pieces.
It would have been better if you had just said you couldn’t help it. If you had made an excuse that you didn’t have time to worry about me.
My father never said anything like that.
That’s why it’s even more frustrating.
He immediately covered his face with trembling hands.
It’s not that I’m crying because it’s so ugly.
It was because I couldn’t bear to look my father in the eye.
It would have been better if I had never heard the apology.
How did it come to this?
‘…ah.’
I should never have received an apology like that from my father.
Even though he was a father I was so afraid of and resentful of.
He shouldn’t have apologized to me.
Have you ever had an accident before? After all, it’s because he’s your father?
no.
That’s not the reason.
There was a more fundamental reason than that.
at least.
At least really.
It was not right to apologize to the child who killed you.
Like the winter night when I sent my mother off, I remember a memory that I couldn’t forget and had buried in a corner of my memory.
-Good job.
My father’s words of praise as he said that I had risen to the top.
The image of my father speaking to me at the last moment overlaps.
Yeah, father’s last.
My father was the only one who gave Cheonma a wound in his previous life, aside from Wi Seol-ah.
Not long after that, he dies.
In the Central Plains, it would have been natural for people to think that Cheonma had killed their father.
The reality was different.
Cheonma did not kill his father.
It wasn’t Cheonma who killed my father.
It was me.
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