Through the open closet door, Yoon Si-woo and Sylvia appeared.
As their figures grew hazier, I realized that I was crying.
What on earth was happening to me? I hastily wiped my eyes with my sleeve in panic as tears overflowed uncontrollably.
But no matter how much I wiped, I couldn’t stop the tears that spilled out like a dam that had burst.
“Ugh, Scarlet! What happened?!”
“Why are you crying all of a sudden…! Did something really happen?! C-come on, calm down…!”
However, it seemed that the two of them were more flustered than I was.
After all, it was understandable that they would be shocked when the girl who had been curled up alone in the closet suddenly burst out crying the moment she opened the door.
I tried my best to stop the tears at the sight of the two of them looking helpless, but it was beyond my control.
Just as the tears wouldn’t stop pouring down, I heard Sylvia’s voice.
“…Scarlet.”
I turned to look at her as I wiped my tears, hearing her call me.
Her eyes were full of concern.
Could she know?
That I was a monster who almost killed someone today.
Thinking about how her look would change if she found out made it hard for me to contain myself.
But she didn’t ask anything. Instead, she gently said to me,
“…I don’t know what happened, but we’re here to help. So please don’t cry alone in such a small space; come outside.”
Even though she didn’t know what had happened, she still offered her help.
As she said this, Sylvia carefully extended her hand toward me.
Seeing that outstretched hand, I couldn’t help but hesitate.
Ah, I wondered if it was okay for me to grab that hand shamelessly.
A monster who almost killed a friend—was it alright to shamelessly seek help?
Conflicting emotions surged within me.
Half of me didn’t want to take that hand.
Yet the other half desperately wanted to grasp it.
Sylvia, as if persuading my confused self, spoke in a warm voice.
“It would be uncomfortable to stay there. Come on.”
In my tear-blurred vision, the girl shining like a cluster of silver stars reached her hand closer.
Though Sylvia had extended her hand, she wasn’t forcing me.
It felt as though it was my choice to grab that hand, and she patiently waited for me to do so.
But my hesitation didn’t last long.
Perhaps it was because ever since I had been in the closet, I had secretly hoped for someone to extend a helping hand.
Or maybe I felt the locks on the doors of my heart breaking down as I looked at that outstretched hand.
I wasn’t sure, but I chose not to refuse her hand.
So guided by her touch, I finally managed to crawl out of the cramped closet.
“Alright, let it all out. Good.”
Even after stepping out of the closet, I wasn’t able to stop crying.
Sylvia held my back and comforted me for quite a while.
After a while of crying between Yoon Si-woo, who looked at me with worried eyes, and Sylvia, who gently patted my back, I finally managed to stop my tears.
As I calmed down, Sylvia smiled bitterly and muttered.
“Really… have you calmed down a bit now? I was so surprised! I came to check on you after hearing you were unwell, but you weren’t in your room, and then I found you in the closet. And then you start crying the moment I opened the door… This is the first time I’ve seen you cry so sorrowfully, Scarlet.”
“…I was surprised too. Scarlet, please tell me what happened. I’ll help you sort it out somehow.”
Seeing Yoon Si-woo say this with a serious face, it seemed that my crying had left quite an impact on him.
Especially since, unlike Yoon Si-woo, I had been trying hard not to show any weakness in front of Sylvia to spare her worry.
Anyway, when Yoon Si-woo asked what had happened, I found it hard to speak.
How could I simply tell them that I almost killed someone, especially Jessie, who they knew?
As I hesitated and couldn’t open my mouth, Sylvia suddenly shot a glance at Yoon Si-woo and said,
“Did Yoon Si-woo do something awful to you? If that’s the case, I won’t forgive you.”
“W-what do you mean, awful?! I would never do such a thing to Scarlet…!”
“It was just a joke. Regardless, I believe Yoon Si-woo wouldn’t do something like that to Scarlet. Though, seeing you react so sensitively does make me a bit suspicious.”
The atmosphere was so heavy that it felt like Sylvia was trying to lighten it with a joke as she looked at me with a smile.
She seemed to have made that effort because I was feeling down.
After briefly looking at me, Sylvia soon adopted a serious expression and cautiously asked,
“So, Scarlet, could you tell us why you were crying like that?”
Thinking about answering that honestly, I found myself stammering for quite a while.
I almost killed a person.
Just saying that one sentence was so difficult that it felt like my breath was choking me.
After struggling with it for a long time, the words that eventually came out were:
“…I almost made a huge mistake. And I grew to hate myself for having that guilt…”
Upon hearing this, Sylvia tilted her head in confusion for a moment before breaking into a small, cute laugh.
“Wait a minute. Are you crying like that over something you almost did but didn’t actually go through with? My goodness, how can someone be so kind… It’s alright, Scarlet. Everyone makes mistakes. You don’t need to feel guilty over something you didn’t even do. You weren’t really about to kill someone or anything like that, right?”
Her laughter started to fade as she spoke.
I suppose she had seen my pale expression.
Seeing her get solemn for a moment felt like a noose tightening around my breath.
What if she found out?
How would she look at me if she found out what I had done?
I could see her expression grow serious, mirroring the seriousness of my own face.
She looked at me with disbelief, mumbling,
“…Scarlet, did that really happen?”
Her gaze was filled with questions, wanting to know if I truly almost killed someone.
The way she looked at me felt like being judged as a monster for doing such a thing.
It was incredibly painful to see her warm expression turn so cold.
But still, the sin I committed wouldn’t disappear.
Yes, I was a monster who almost killed a friend.
As I nodded my head to her questioning gaze, I could hear her take a gasp in surprise.
Though that reaction was heavy, there was no longer any reason to hide it.
With a heart full of repentance, I laid bare everything I had done and almost done before her.
“…Yesterday, I slipped out of the barrier for work. I’m a monster that’s not much different from a witch or a lesser demonic beast, so as I passed through the barrier, I lost my magic. Then this morning, I felt strange, and the thought of needing to replenish my magic filled my head, so I tried to use the bodies of the lesser demonic beasts to do that.”
I explained how I went insane as I slipped out of the barrier.
“Then I almost got caught by Jessie when she saw me. At that moment, I thought it would be troublesome if she saw me, so… I tried to burn her to death to destroy the evidence. Just before that, I managed to regain my senses and stop myself, though…”
I revealed how I almost burned Jessie to cover up the evidence of what I was doing.
“I’m a monster now that could go crazy at any time and commit such acts. A monster that could burn the precious people I care about with my own hands if I made a mistake…”
I spoke about the terrifying truth of myself.
But I didn’t add any plea for forgiveness at the end of my confession.
I didn’t think I deserved to be forgiven.
Just like I had thought of myself, I figured she would end up hating herself too.
Yet still,
“…It’s okay.”
Sylvia gently offered those words to me.
“…You didn’t do anything wrong, Scarlet. You’re not a monster. So, it’s alright.”
That one simple phrase, returned to me when I least expected it, was nearly enough to make the tears that I had finally stopped burst forth again.
Worried that I would be a burden once more, I tried to suppress them with all my might this time.
However, my attempts were in vain.
Despite my self-loathing, Sylvia embraced me gently, whispering that it was okay.
In the end, the tears I had tried to contain flowed out once more.
That single phrase, that assurance of being okay, felt like salvation to me.
It was the kind of thing I could never say to myself.
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