Chapter: 69
S# 114.
This was the highlight of The Chaser.
Chae Seo-ah approached while gripping a hammer and a bloody knife, having found the kidnapped Han Yeon-hwa hidden in a convenience store.
Her gaze, filled with terror, was directed at Han Yeon-hwa.
‘What kind of eyes should I be looking with?’
Joo Seoyeon hesitated, pondering how to enact this scene while reading the script.
Chae Seo-ah was already a lost soul beyond redemption.
Because of an illness.
Too many people had died at her hands, and she was still hunting for more.
‘Moreover, before meeting Han Yeon-hwa…’
Chae Seo-ah would kill one more person.
The store lady.
To the audience, she was merely an innocent person in the wrong place at the wrong time, but for Chae Seo-ah, it was different.
Chae Seo-ah was neither a psychopath nor a sociopath.
She could feel human emotions; she just couldn’t express them correctly.
It would make her, in a sense, more terrifying to humanity.
What if someone laughed when they should cry?
What if they cried when they should laugh? How would people interpret that?
Seoyeon could vividly recall that from her distant memories.
‘Not being able to forget isn’t necessarily a good thing.’
For reasons unknown, whenever Seoyeon attempted to remember her past life, everything came back to her in crisp detail, a habit that hadn’t changed since childhood.
She would often reference these memories while discussing films or dramas.
However, her memories weren’t just limited to that.
While her recollections and experiences regarding films and dramas slowly faded, the faces remained unchanged.
It was distinct from her recollection of entertainment-related memories.
She hadn’t grasped the reason until reading the script for The Chaser.
Ah, I had suffered a great wound back then.
That’s why I cannot forget.
The inability to express emotions doesn’t equate to a lack of feelings.
It just means they feel them in a completely different way.
Abroad, they refer to this condition as alexithymia.
It derives from the Greek term “lexis,” meaning ‘word,’ and “thymos,” denoting ‘soul,’ combined with an ‘a’ for negation, meaning ‘there are no words to describe the soul.’
‘Did I ever think of myself as soulless?’
Ironically, that was disproven through reincarnation.
I, too, had a soul and, currently, felt emotions just fine.
It was merely a physical impediment.
Simple yet an inescapable chain for humanity throughout their lives.
‘So.’
At this moment, Chae Seo-ah didn’t feel devoid of emotions.
When she killed the kind store lady who treated her so kindly, and when she took the lives of Han Yeon-hwa along with others.
She definitely felt something.
She just didn’t know what those feelings were.
「…….」
Chae Seo-ah brought down the hammer, killing the store lady.
The script instructed her to do it “expressionless and cold.”
No.
Seoyeon shook her head.
Certainly, those with alexithymia struggle to show facial expressions.
But that’s simply because they don’t know what expression to show.
Thus, at this moment, Chae Seo-ah undoubtedly had an expression.
However, it mustn’t be a face of sadness or pain.
That would be an incorrect display of emotion.
Blood splattered.
No, it felt as if it did.
The illusion of blood spattering, accompanied by the motion of the hammer, while the store lady begged for her life, collapsing.
Chae Seo-ah looked down at the fallen store lady.
She placed a finger on her nose, checking if she was still breathing.
Then she swung the hammer down two more times.
Of course, the hammer never touched the actress.
However, the filming crew instinctively recoiled at the ferocity of the scene.
‘Acting, right?’
That feeling lingered again, but now it struck stronger than before.
More than anything…
‘The expression.’
The actor portraying Detective Im Seung-cheol, Kim Dae-heon, swallowed hard as he waited for the next scene.
He nearly forgot they were filming.
‘Is she smiling? Or is she crying?’
She was laughing, yet it seemed as if she was in tears.
Kim Dae-heon recalled having seen such acting once.
It was during a scene where Park Sun-woong, one of Korea’s representative actors, sought revenge on a murderer who killed his son, displaying a smile at the end of the film.
But this felt different.
More complex.
It had many emotions embedded within it.
Park Sun-woong’s performance was clearer.
The joy of revenge mixed with the sadness that no matter what, his son wouldn’t return.
Thus, he merely watched in admiration.
‘But.’
Seoyeon was fundamentally different.
Laughing yet crying.
It was like she couldn’t decide what emotion to portray, a lost expression.
It was as if a non-human was imitating a human.
「…….」
Her mouth moved slowly, opening and closing.
Dropping the tool she was holding, Seoyeon—no, Chae Seo-ah—moved her hands to her face.
As if trying to understand what kind of face she should wear.
That spectacle was bizarre.
It gave off an indescribable sense of unpleasantness.
Those observing couldn’t help but grimace at that sight.
‘That wasn’t in the script.’
Those who had read it must have had that thought.
Was it direction that Director Bae Jin-hwan gave separately?
Yet, seeing the subtle widening of Bae Jin-hwan’s eyes, it didn’t appear so.
Thud!
Slowly,
As Chae Seo-ah removed her hands from her face, she raised her right hand and struck her chest with her fist.
Thud.
Thud.
Thud.
As if attempting to force her heart to beat.
Or perhaps, trying to relieve some pressure from her chest.
Thus far in Chae Seo-ah’s behavior, there had been parts that were hard to understand.
After all, her emotions and actions never aligned.
However, this time, it was clear what she was feeling.
Actions matched the emotions.
Frustration.
And pain.
Chae Seo-ah understood that she was indeed feeling these things.
Slowly, she picked up the fallen tool.
Although there was no hesitation, her hand trembled when she grasped it tightly.
Chae Seo-ah stared at her trembling hand, and soon tightened her grip on the blood-soaked hammer.
Huff, huff, huff.
She took deep breaths.
Heading towards the storage area of the convenience store where Han Yeon-hwa was kept.
Ironically enough.
The unseen back of Chae Seo-ah made her emotions easier to decipher.
You could feel her anguish.
Thus ended S# 114.
*
“Seoyeon, here’s green tea.”
“Ah, thank you.”
Seoyeon accepted the paper cup that Kim Dae-heon extended.
He always brought green tea to the filming set.
“You worked hard today.”
They finished filming just as the crimson sunset descended.
S# 114 had been wrapped up in one take, but S# 115 faced multiple NGs.
The climactic battle scene with Detective Im Seung-cheol, practiced with Professor Kim Hong-baek.
Chae Seo-ah’s emotions erupted, and Detective Im Seung-cheol also fought with all his might.
“…Are you feeling okay?”
“Hah, hah, of course, I’m fine, really!”
Kim Dae-heon laughed heartily.
But honestly, he wasn’t entirely sure if he was.
Was it that Seoyeon couldn’t match the action with her emotions?
No, not at all.
In fact, Seoyeon was exceptionally sharp.
Though he had worried about not using a stunt double, he realized the problem lay with himself.
“I really don’t want to lose to a young actor.”
“…I don’t think there’s winning or losing in acting.”
“Aha, that’s just what you say.”
As they chatted with banter, Seoyeon managed a faint smile.
Kim Dae-heon, momentarily lost in awe of her rare smile, cleared his throat.
“Anyway, your performance today was fantastic. It felt like…”
Kim Dae-heon swallowed back the rest of his sentence.
Although he couldn’t say it felt like Chae Seo-ah herself.
Yet everyone who witnessed today’s performance likely felt the same as Kim Dae-heon.
In fact, there were some who cautiously murmured whether they should take her to a hospital.
Of course, it wasn’t out of doubt about Seoyeon’s mental state.
More so out of concern that there might be issues due to the overly method acting.
‘Method… acting, huh.’
He was an actor.
Thus, he could tell whether Seoyeon’s acting was method or not.
Joo Seoyeon was known as a long-term method actor.
This led everyone to view her acting as method.
However, Kim Dae-heon could confirm today what was different.
Chae Seo-ah’s performance was not simply method acting.
It was a display of Joo Seoyeon’s essence.
‘Could she be suffering from a similar illness…? No way.’
Kim Dae-heon chuckled wryly at his own imagination.
He had researched the condition called alexithymia for the sake of this shoot.
Needless to say, for someone with that condition to pursue acting.
Let alone method acting, would be impossible.
After all, method acting required a deep understanding and empathy for the character’s emotions.
The complete opposite of alexithymia.
‘But to truly understand Chae Seo-ah more deeply than anyone else…’
That’s an incredibly complicated role to embody.
Thus, Seoyeon’s remarkable performance today was equally impressive.
The multiple retakes of Kim Dae-heon had all been for Seoyeon‘s sake.
Because he couldn’t let his inadequacies bury Seoyeon’s performance.
And the final take for S# 115 turned out to be exceptionally satisfying.
‘Seoyeon must feel the same, right?’
As he glanced at Seoyeon, she simply sipped the green tea Kim Dae-heon had given her.
Of course, Seoyeon had a somewhat different thought than Kim Dae-heon and the other staff members.
‘This convenience store, they really should be paying for the damage…’
After hours of shooting the intense fight scene between Detective Im Seung-cheol and Chae Seo-ah.
The wrecked convenience store was now in her sight, and Seoyeon felt a pang of sadness seeing it so shattered.
For someone who traversed various convenience stores daily, witnessing one in such a state was heart-wrenching.
“Seoyeon.”
Just then, Director Bae Jin-hwan, having reviewed all the footage, approached her.
“Great work today.”
“Thank you.”
“The scene today will probably make it into the PV. It turned out beautifully.”
Thinking that they might use the rushed highlight footage for the PV wasn’t such a bad outlook.
“And by the way, have you thought about more film roles after this one?”
“Film roles? Well…”
Yes, there was one on her mind.
It was for a movie holding auditions at the end of the year.
An image enhancement project to secure funds.
“Ah, that’s fine, it won’t be immediate. I think it’ll be next year, probably.”
“Probably.”
“Yes, indeed. I’ve heard… that GH Group is ambitiously preparing another movie. But…”
Director Bae Jin-hwan hesitated for a moment.
Having seen the performance today, he realized Seoyeon was a rising star.
Once this movie hits theaters, her worth would surely soar.
Thus, he felt uncertain.
It was a promising role, but he was cautious because of the director behind it.
“Seoyeon, do you know Cho Bang-woo, by any chance?”
Cho Bang-woo—the very director of Cho Min-tae, who had helped Seoyeon in her early days.
At the mention of his name, Seoyeon narrowed her eyes.
‘Ah, it’s about that time, huh…’
Once known as the ‘unbeatable director.’
Now, he was at a dead end after a string of failures at the box office.
His last work was scheduled for release late next year.
That time was steadily approaching.
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