Chapter: 598
As soon as I heard Tannian’s words, a nightmare flashed through my mind.
It was the nightmare from season ’77, specifically from the first semester when the pastry club members tormented me.
‘It was horrific.’
The bizarre behaviors they exhibited at the drop of a hat, the ugly rivalry where no one dared to step ahead, and that nagging feeling that I had left my common sense at home before enrolling.
Honestly, it was indescribably terrible. I would need to create a unique phrase like, “that was soooo pastry club” just to express how I felt then.
And now, that nightmare was threatening to replay. Through none other than Tannian, who’d blessed my children.
‘Should I knock him out?’
I was desperate enough to think that. Maybe it would be better to just knock Tannian out, wipe his memory, and completely erase this one-on-one meeting from existence?
Of course, this was just a thought. It’s not like anyone can just knock people out and erase memories on a whim. If an amateur like me tried that, Tannian would end up next to Enen or, worse, become a vegetable.
No, not a vegetable—a plant person. I guess my head’s gone squishy.
“Brother.”
“Y-yes, what is it?”
Suppressing my mixed feelings, I finally managed to speak up.
The fact that Tannian mentioned love was serious business. How despairing his infatuation was back in the 77 first semester.
But on second thought, it’s annoying yet not the worst-case scenario. At least he recognized he has feelings that differ from the norm and sought advice instead of brooding alone. Even if he lacks intuition, it shows he has the will and intelligence to solve it.
“But I don’t know if this fluttering is from being surprised or if I actually like him.”
That was infuriating, yet it was something I could handle. As long as Tannian got the right direction, he would probably figure it out himself.
“You mentioned your heart fluttered when you heard the confession.”
“That’s right. But as I said, I can’t tell if it’s surprise or love—”
“Feelings don’t need to be decided immediately. When I received confessions from my six wives, I didn’t respond right away; I took my time before answering.”
At my words, Tannian’s expression grew serious. After all, there’s no advice more precious than how to handle love from someone with six wives.
“So don’t rush it. If you get caught up thinking that responding quickly is polite and end up misreading your own feelings, that might be rude to the person who confessed to you.”
“Of course.”
“Well, that’s good. You’ve experienced love before, right? If you take your time, you’ll surely gain clarity about your own feelings.”
“Th-that makes sense.”
Seeing Tannian stutter like that made me chuckle a bit.
“Don’t pay attention to my intuition. I know you’ve successfully cleared out past feelings.”
“Haha, it’s not as easy as it sounds.”
Tannian awkwardly laughed, then bowed his head.
“Anyway, thank you for your valuable advice. Asking you was definitely the right choice.”
“If just a few words could help, I’m honored.”
The conversation seemed to be wrapping up warmly, and I smiled in satisfaction.
When Tannian first mentioned love, I had all kinds of thoughts, but thankfully, after three years since that ’77 season, Tannian was more mature than my worries predicted. He seemed to have easily accepted that listening to his heart was enough.
I didn’t know who confessed to Tannian, but it had to be someone from the same pilgrimage group. He would certainly have enough time to figure things out.
“Well, I should be off now.”
“Ah, yes. I’ll pray you have a joyful end of the year.”
As I began to sneak away, Tannian actually walked me to the door.
‘…Survived.’
As soon as I slipped out of Tannian’s view, I let out a sigh.
I was on edge, thinking disaster would break out by the end of ’80.
*
I mulled over Brother’s advice multiple times.
There’s no need to decide my feelings right away. Now that I’m at the age where I’ve experienced love, I’ll understand my current feelings as time passes. Each point he made was so right that I felt more at ease.
‘As expected, getting advice from someone experienced is the way to go.’
If I had pondered alone, I wouldn’t have reached such a clear conclusion. I’d have been in knots trying to figure out my feelings while being pressed by the urgency of giving a response to my sister.
‘Be patient.’
Lying back in my chair, I stared at the ceiling.
Fortunately, time was on my side. I had hurried back to the Empire from the pilgrimage in the Winter Three Kingdoms, so there were still more than ten countries left to visit. In that time, it wouldn’t be hard to come to a conclusion.
…And I already felt like I understood part of my feelings.
‘Experience in love.’
Like Brother said, I have experienced love, even if it was one-sided. Just because it was unrequited doesn’t mean those feelings were light.
Yet, similar feelings slowly tightened in my chest. The more I thought about my sister’s face, the more I remembered her confession, and my cheeks got hotter. Images of her saying she loves me, her asking to create a family with me, just wouldn’t leave my mind.
It’s a familiar sensation. I felt this way when I had feelings for Louise.
‘No need to rush.’
But I lightly slapped my cheek to shake off those thoughts.
What if—and I mean, what if—this feeling is based on confusion? Just when I received my sister’s confession, I’d be absolutely devastated if my heart cooled down.
So, patience; at least two weeks of consideration would be right.
…That’s what I thought.
“Ah, Brother.”
Just as I stepped out, I ran into Alexandria, and all thoughts flew away.
An awkward silence hung in the air for a moment. I wasn’t ready to face her, and she probably hadn’t come here to see me either. It was just an accidental meeting.
“Worship… You must’ve worked hard.”
“Ah, no. Others worked much harder.”
I bowed my head in return to her who bowed first.
Don’t think too much about it. Sure, the unexpected event of a confession made things a bit awkward, but our relationship couldn’t be derailed by one small incident. We could still share greetings and comforting words.
Yet, for some reason, despite what my mind said, my heart couldn’t accept it. Even when my mind indicated it was fine to act normally, my heart was in chaos.
“Um, Brother?”
“Yes, Sister.”
“About what I said earlier… Please forget it.”
“What?”
But my heart, which had been turbulent, cooled right down at her retraction.
What does that mean? After boldly confessing and then going back to the status quo like it never happened?
“I let my greed blind me and said something strange. Me confessing to you is just unthinkable.”
With a stiff expression, she shook her head at me, giving a bitter smile.
“I’ve dared to have unwholesome feelings for the Saint as a priest and didn’t model the behavior of a senior. I would love to drop my position as cardinal, but… if I suddenly resign, it would only make things harder for everyone else.”
My mouth dropped open at her self-deprecating conclusions. I never thought that a person could reach such absurd conclusions in shock; that was a level I hadn’t anticipated.
“I truly apologize for bringing confusion when I should have been supporting you.”
With that sudden backtracking from her earlier confession, she carefully turned to leave.
The quiet and defeated way she walked away was pitiful to behold. Her once proud stride now seemed to slump, as if burdened by something heavy.
“Sister.”
I couldn’t just stand there and watch anymore, so I rushed up and grabbed her hand.
“Who said we’re just going to pretend that never happened?”
“Y-yes?”
“If you bet on a chip, you can’t just decide to take it back, no matter how desperate you are. Once it’s on the table, it’s yours as much as it is everyone else’s.”
“Brother…?”
I hugged the sister, who blinked in shock.
The commitment to take my time to reflect had vanished. The moment I saw her fragile smile, I just didn’t care anymore.
If somehow this was a clever trap of hers, she would be an exceptional hunter and strategist, but I knew she wasn’t the type to pull such tricks. She genuinely thought she didn’t belong with me.
“The Lord has not forbidden priests from marrying. Previous Popes have welcomed priests forming families. Who would dare to blame your heart?”
“B-but…”
“Age doesn’t matter. I know someone who has a wife a hundred years older. So what if you’re only ten years older?”
“But that’s a different race—”
“Sister, are you really going to give up those remaining decades over just ten years?”
At that, her struggles in my embrace abruptly ceased.
“If the reason you’re pulling back is that you don’t find me attractive, or if you think being with a kid would be boring, that I can understand. But any reasoning other than that just sounds like an excuse.”
This time, she was left speechless.
Holding her hand, I led her back into the room where I had been just moments before. It wouldn’t be respectful to have lovey-dovey fights in the hall where others could see.
I didn’t want to expose the vulnerability of someone who had shaken my heart to others.
*
Just as the service began, the Pristine fellow, who had been napping all this time, finally opened his eyes.
“Did it happen?”
He only said that one thing before promptly burying his head back down to sleep.
‘What’s up with this guy?’
Earlier he was spouting some nonsense about how someone had made progress during the ceremony, and now he’s randomly muttering even more enigmatic things.
It was bewildering. They say foxes have thick fur and don’t hibernate, but this guy sleeps for about 15 hours a day and even tosses and turns in a colorful way!
Talk about an oddity; it must be because he’s from a cursed lineage.
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