Chapter: 345
Before heading north, before I could wrap up the unresolved disaster, before I could untie the knot with my own hands, I had to make one last stop.
Unfortunately, it was obvious that taking three steps would end with me being caught in the future, so I asked Duke Marcilio for a teleportation. I felt bad for troubling him, especially since he was already downcast about me going to war, but it was a place I had to visit.
“Well, how embarrassing to see you again so soon.”
Thus, I arrived in front of their tombstones. Somehow, every time something happened, I ended up back here. With no one else around to call a friend, especially regarding the northern issues, I couldn’t possibly go without visiting them.
“I can’t stay long. My future wife is waiting outside.”
Seeing my expression, whether it was sensing my seriousness or thinking it wasn’t time to greet Hecate yet, Marcilio decided to wait outside. I really felt sorry for bothering him just because of my personal reasons.
Anyway, I took a seat in front of the tombstones and sighed. No alcohol, and someone was waiting for me, so let’s just get to the point and head back. I wasn’t in the mood for a lengthy chat anyway.
“That bastard Dorgon crawled out again. Honestly, I was hoping he’d die somewhere far away, but maybe that was an overly harsh wish.”
I couldn’t help but chuckle. I was in awe of Dorgon’s survival through two years of war and three years of pursuit post-armistice. Simultaneously, I found it ridiculous that I wished for such a monster to die on his own.
Each one of the Eight Great Ones was a monster, but Dorgon was something else entirely. His brute strength wasn’t overwhelming, but his survival instincts and cunning were the epitome of artistry. So much so that even the Imperial Army, who had slaughtered all the others, couldn’t bring him down until the very end. He was even the commander of the elite Keshik guards, making him even harder to capture—like a demon lord traveling with the Heavenly Kings.
“But it’s not the worst-case scenario. We trampled the anti-imperial tribes in the last war, so the forces gathering now have some drawbacks.”
I didn’t mention that the current Empire had its own issues. I didn’t want to share negative news with those who should only hear good things.
“And I’ve decided to participate in the war. Killing Dorgon won’t be too difficult then.”
My grudge against Dorgon ran deep. To put it more accurately, I had clashed with Dorgon and Talha way too often, and I fought tooth and nail with Dorgon until the end. After all that tussling, here we both were, alive. While I might not be able to kill him, he certainly wasn’t capable of killing me either.
But this time would be different. Without Kagan and the Eight Great Ones backing Dorgon, I had my resurrected Mukgwangdae at my side, a recovering Imperial Army, and the elite troops that would be deployed to the north following the Emperor’s declaration. My support was more robust this time.
So I could kill him. Finally end the long-standing grudge once and for all.
“If I kill that bastard, then I’ll be worthy, right?”
With that last thought, I closed my mouth.
Yes, worthiness. If I were to resolve the reason I was dragged into this world, I would finally earn the right to call myself a resident of this world.
‘That must be the reason I’ve come here.’
Usually, in possession novels, the possessed character has a reason for being there. There’s always a final goal they must achieve. Whether it’s to prevent the world’s destruction, save characters from dying, work towards a better ending, or simply to attain peace—there’s no possession without cause or life without purpose.
However, I didn’t know much about this world. I hadn’t even finished the original story, and after spitting it out, I lost all interest. Therefore, I had no idea why I had come to this world or what I needed to do. I simply thought of my luck in becoming a noble and enjoyed the pleasant life that followed.
But events twisted and turned, leading me into the war and prompting me to rethink everything.
Killing Kagan, ending the war, protecting the peace, saving all of you. That’s not so bad as an idea for why I came to this world, right?
‘No matter how I think about it, that must be it.’
Kagan, who boasted overwhelming strength, and had an obvious demon lord-like position. If I, a mere possessor, were to face such a monster, wouldn’t it be fair to think that it was the universe’s will? And in the process, saving all of you—the first bonds I made after my possession—wouldn’t that be my goal?
However, I failed. I killed Kagan and ended the war, but you all died. The fragile peace we fought for was just a half-baked facade, shattered when Dorgon fled.
From that moment, I thought of myself as someone who failed to fulfill my possession purpose. I saw myself as an outsider unworthy of settling in this world. Someone who stole another’s body, yet ended up being a failed insect.
Of course, others called me a hero, saying I accomplished great deeds that couldn’t be matched. But what good was that? I, of all people, thought myself a failure for not being able to save you, for unable to die alone.
‘A half.’
There’s no word that suits me better. Having achieved a half-peace myself, I am just half. The half that took family from my parents and siblings, the half that couldn’t protect my friends while claiming to be one, the half that couldn’t offer comfort to the first love in my life.
As someone who rolled into this world, how could I be whole after failing to achieve my purpose?
‘A half that can’t compare to you.’
Despite having a noble environment, strong blood from a prestigious warrior family, and a crazy recovery rate—yet I felt inadequate. While I wanted to enjoy a possesses life as a noble with no purpose or dreams, you all shone brightly.
Though you came from commoner roots, lacked proper education, and were ordinary humans who felt pain when injured—you marched on, each carrying your own mission. For family, faith, conviction, and peace. Unlike me, who dreamed of living a cushy life but got dragged into war, you were truly magnificent.
Honestly, I was jealous of you all at first. I was supposed to be the protagonist as a possessor—why was it that I couldn’t shine while you did? So when I received the title of team leader, I felt quite happy. It felt like I had been recognized as superior to you. Now, thinking back, it was such a childish feeling.
‘You are the Six Blades.’
Looking at the six tombstones lined up, I couldn’t help but snicker. The Six Blades that defended the Empire. A name that fits you perfectly. It would be too noble for someone like me—a half who wandered around aimlessly without any beliefs, achieving nothing.
So I refused the title of the Seventh Blade. I didn’t deserve it.
I was the one who monopolized all the glory for not being able to die alone.
Or perhaps it was because you, who could have lived in the original story, might have perished because of my contamination as a variable.
“I’m rather the sinner.”
Bitter as it was, that was the reality. I was just a sinner who didn’t deserve to be alongside you. If I wanted to stand alongside you, I should have died back then.
With those feelings in mind, I gently traced the names on the tombstones. Gerard, Oliver, Drake, Walter, Idrid, Hecate. My friends, my lovers, whom I should have saved.
“…But even if I’m a sinner, I do want to live.”
Slightly lifting the corners of my mouth, I muttered. I hadn’t achieved anything, yet I wanted to live in this world. I hadn’t been able to die alone, but I still went on living.
So perhaps that’s why I have six lovers. They’re the proof that I deserve to be in this world, not connections built upon this body—but connections I made after losing you.
That’s why I wanted the comfort of being part of this world, wanting to feel that even after losing everything, I was still loved, so I started relationships.
“Though I’ve actually stopped there.”
While the connections I sought were to be recognized as part of this world, I was scared to take it further. Whenever I tried to deepen those ties, a voice would whisper from deep inside. Do you even deserve to forge deep connections with the people of this world?
I was frightened. Perhaps it was trauma. I didn’t even know why I was like this.
‘This shouldn’t be happening.’
Not expressing proper affection to someone who confessed their feelings to a guy like me. How disrespectful would that be?
I held hands with my lovers merely because I wanted to be a part of this world while not being one. Such stupidity was laughable.
“Time to change now.”
I took a deep breath and turned my body. It was time to untie this horrible knot.
I would kill Dorgon and bring true peace. I would fulfill the reason I came to this world. Even if I couldn’t save you, I would achieve the peace you wished for with my own hands. By doing so, I would finally break free from the binds I imposed on myself. I would live as a rightful resident of this world, no longer an outsider or a mere half.
Not as a half, but as a proper whole.
Before returning to the Academy, I made one last stop at the mansion.
‘It’s been a while.’
To be exact, I was looking for the warehouse in the mansion. Inside rested my cherished weapon, which had been tucked away for three years. While it wasn’t grand enough to call a cherished weapon, it was certainly the one I had used the longest and was most comfortable with—so I could still call it my cherished weapon.
Anyway, I reached for the sword sitting beside their weapons. The expedition army wouldn’t be formed overnight, so until the imperial palace sends a more specific order, I should remain at the Academy as usual.
And even if that wasn’t the case, if my stay at the Academy were to drag on, there was a possibility that my current resolve might weaken.
‘I should prepare ahead.’
So I picked up the sword after a long while. Not a simple wooden sword or a spare training sword, but the actual sword I had shared during the northern campaign.
I unconsciously pulled the sword from its sheath. The red blade seemed to symbolize the bloodshed spilled in the north…
?
‘What the hell is this?’
Why is it red?
Did it rust? No, that isn’t possible.
—Huh, what?
And at that moment, a familiar voice echoed in my head.
—Huh? Huh? What is this? How come I’ve never seen this before?
An utterly perplexed feminine voice.
‘Eternal Azure Sky?’
Why are you here again?
My site has received a lot of DMCA notices, lol. From now on, I will update the MTL on https://darkmtl.com/.
The site is fast and lightweight because there are no ads yet. However, the theme is different from Cybor-TL, so take some time to familiarize yourself.
Support me by donating at least $10, and you'll have the right to request any novel from Novelpia (excluding 19+ content) using a newly developed tool.