Chapter 222
When Carl slid the ring onto my finger, it felt like I held the world in my hand. How selfish of me to feel that way.
How pathetic. What right do I have to enjoy such joy when I hadn’t even looked at Carl’s wounds?
My guilt was so light that it could disappear with just a single ring.
‘Not just a single ring, though.’
I felt a laugh bubbling up. Right, it’s not just a single ring. It’s one from Carl, of all people. That’s definitely not something to take lightly.
But it wasn’t the right time to accept it joyfully.
“…No. This isn’t right, Carl.”
With hesitation, I took the ring off. My heart felt like it was being torn apart.
The ring I had dreamed of, one I would have jumped for joy over had I received it yesterday, now felt like a shackle scolding me.
Maybe I was overreacting. I could just be consuming my courage and hurting Carl, who had mustered the courage to give it to me.
But how could I accept it? If I had any sense of shame, how could I take this?
“I…I don’t deserve this.”
With trembling hands, I handed the ring back to Carl. His eyes looked dazed, as if he hadn’t expected this situation at all.
“I was just lucky. I’m just an ordinary person.”
A lucky person. The more I listened to Carl, the more that thought stuck in my head.
Carl, who had gone through such a terrible first love. No one could be prepared to take him on, nor could anyone approach him.
Yet, I drew closer. How? By my father’s power. No way could Carl refuse my father’s request.
I approached the hurt Carl under the Duke’s influence. But still, he politely pushed me away. I had cried out loud because I couldn’t believe a man had dismissed me, thinking I’d been rejected.
‘How pathetic.’
The past where I cried and screamed had already become embarrassing, but now it felt even more shameful. I had poked at a man’s wounds while only worrying about my own pain.
When I later met Carl at the Academy, it was even more ridiculous. I believed it was fate—of course, Carl and I were destined to be—without knowing the scars he carried.
Convinced it was destiny, I approached Carl actively, as if I were his lover. In reality, I was nothing.
‘Selfish girl.’
A word I wouldn’t share with anyone, probably saved for my present self.
I approached Carl, knowing nothing, using my ignorance as a shield, and wounded kind Carl.
‘As if I knew everything…’
When I heard about Carl’s feelings during our vacation. I thought I had heard everything about him. I believed he opened up completely.
So, I grew arrogant. I felt I could wait for Carl anytime. I thought it was just a matter of time before he approached me.
In reality, I still knew nothing. I knew Carl had lost his first love but had no idea how much he cried over it.
If I had known, I wouldn’t have acted that way. I wouldn’t have flaunted my place as his first if I had known another girl was coming for him.
“I…I just took advantage of Carl’s kindness. I’m just a clueless person who got too close… I was first just because I was lucky, so I’m here beside Carl…”
It was pitiful. My tears wouldn’t stop. It drove me mad to voice my own ugliness.
What drove me even crazier was that I didn’t even deserve to cry. How silly must Carl have thought I was? The woman who said she would be his wife, caring only about being number one, but paying no mind to his wounds.
“I love Carl. Even if the world falls apart, that won’t change.”
I forced a smile as I continued speaking.
Yes, despite feeling unworthy, my love for Carl remained unchanged. I know that I love Carl, even if I know nothing.
“But just because I love you doesn’t mean I deserve to be your first…”
I’m not the only one who loves Carl. There’s Lady Louise, Lady Irina, Duke Marcilio, and even the subordinate who confessed to him. There might even be someone else I don’t know about.
What right do I have to claim being the first over those people? Am I any better than them?
Status? If that counts, then Duke Marcilio should be first.
Time spent together? No one can beat the subordinate in that regard.
Ah, there is one thing. The one who tore at Carl’s heart while pretending to be clueless. That’s me at my worst.
“So… give it to someone better than me. Carl is kind, so he might pity me too much, and that’s why he’s giving me this. I shouldn’t misinterpret that kindness.”
Right. Carl sees me as pitiable, having ripped my heart out, so he’s helping me because I have no one else to turn to.
“…Is that so?”
At my words, Carl sighed and took the ring off my palm.
Don’t cry. You brought this upon yourself. It’s right. It should go to someone who truly understands Carl, not a selfish girl like me.
“Excuse me.”
And then Carl lifted his right hand and flicked my forehead.
“Yow!”
The shock came out of nowhere, like the moment he put the ring on. Suddenly feeling pushed back, I let out an involuntary scream.
“You keep saying strange stuff, so I thought I’d take a moment to correct you.”
“Strange stuff…”
It was a courageous admission, but if it’s treated as something strange…
“Who are you to decide what I am worthy of?”
Seeing Carl’s fierce expression, I was at a loss for words. I had never seen him angry before.
“Since you made your decision without asking, I’ll say what I want too.”
Carl sighed heavily at my indecision and quickly continued,
“Actually, you are strange, Mark.”
That word pierced my heart like a dagger. I may have called myself selfish, but to hear my beloved say I’m strange was unbearable.
“Acting all confident, yet actually so frail, quietly suffering alone. Not to mention, you worry about unnecessary things. Sometimes you sulk and lash out all by yourself.”
The more Carl talked, the more my head sank. So, he thought of me this way. It hurt, yet nowhere in his words was anything wrong.
“But despite that, I like you.”
My head shot up suddenly. Carl grabbed my cheeks and forced me to meet his gaze.
“Everything I’ve seen, everything I know about you, I like it all.”
“C-Carl…”
I tried to look away, being unable to bear his gaze, but Carl wouldn’t let me, holding my face tightly.
“Worthy? Is there anything besides me liking you that needs to be worthy?”
“Th-That’s just Carl’s misunderstanding…”
“It’s not.”
It felt odd. Even in such a situation, hearing Carl say he liked me made my heart race.
“I’m still not very mature. So I show my feelings too openly.”
Carl’s voice was slightly calmer than before.
“So if I dislike something, I’ll cut it out, no matter how useful it might be. The mere thought disgusts me.”
Instead, I clung to the good things, even if they tried to run away.
With the softly added words, my entire body trembled.
“So, I’ll pretend I didn’t hear what you said earlier.”
Carl gazed into my eyes for a long moment before slowly pulling away and lifting the ring.
“Actually… this is a couple’s ring.”
As he said that, Carl flicked the ring with his nail, and it split perfectly in half.
“Cool, right? A couple’s ring made as one instead of two. Doesn’t it feel more united this way?”
Chuckling softly, Carl slid the ring back onto my finger.
…This time, he didn’t let go, almost as if not giving me a chance to take it off.
“You didn’t approach me blindly. You didn’t hurt me.”
Slowly, his other hand approached my forehead.
“Rather, it was comforting for you to say you liked me. I thought I was an incompetent fool no one could lean on.”
As his hand brushed my hair, it sent shivers down my spine.
“If you can’t believe in yourself, then believe in me. I think you’re more than deserving.”
His lips softly brushed against my forehead.
“Do you understand?”
I could only nod blankly.
*
Nodding at his words, it wasn’t long before I fainted.
I couldn’t handle the emotional overload, combining my own struggles with sudden verbal blows and an unexpected forehead kiss.
…But judging by my expression, I seemed to be happy, so that’s reassuring.
‘That went well.’
I covered the sleeping Marghetta with a blanket and breathed a small sigh of relief.
Thank goodness. If I hadn’t managed to resolve things today, our relationship would have ended in disaster. Even someone as inexperienced in love as me could tell that much.
‘Never expected it to escalate like this.’
I delicately stroked Marghetta’s hair. She was suffering from guilt beyond what I could have imagined.
In a way, it feels like a sudden burst, yet I understand Marghetta’s position too. The chaotic situation with Duke Marcilio’s intrusion, a man visiting the gravestone of his first love, and the lover who chooses not to visit leaving her feeling abandoned.
Even one of those could have been a headache on its own, and now several piled on top made Marghetta’s mental state break downward. Above all, the feeling of not being able to be her lover’s support made it inevitable for her to crumble in that moment.
‘Been there, done that.’
There’s no sadder feeling than that. It’s pretty embarrassing that I know that and still did the same thing.
With a blend of guilt, I stroked Marghetta’s hair more tenderly. What kind of situation would lead a woman to claim she’s unworthy and that someone better than her should take her place?
I noticed that Marghetta seemed both confident yet subtly delicate, but to this extent—
‘That’s my fault.’
No, don’t shift the blame elsewhere. It’s partly my fault for opening up only halfway when I said I would bare my soul.
As I kept stroking her hair, I glanced at the half-ring I wore.
‘Should I just stick it back together?’
I seriously pondered that. The poor little thing that had turned into a half-ring.
A couple’s ring made as one? Where does that even exist? This is just one ring.
‘Should’ve bought a couple’s ring.’
I haven’t been using my head lately, maybe my intelligence is atrophying. I didn’t buy a couple’s ring but ended up with just a band.
Realizing that too late, I had split it. I worried briefly if it were a magical ring that would hold together, but luckily, it broke when I applied some mana to my nail.
‘…Glad they like it.’
When I had put it on for the second time, Marghetta’s expression was clearly mixed with shock and happiness.
Yeah, this is genuinely a couple’s ring made as one.
From today onward, that’s how I’ll think of it.
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