Chapter: 136
As soon as I returned from the capital to the academy, I headed straight for the dorm. Once I entered, I found myself lying on the bed without even realizing it. I felt so blank. It was the first time I didn’t want to move at all.
It felt like I had discovered something I was never supposed to know. There was no turning back now. Maybe it would have been different if I hadn’t known the truth, but now that I did, I could no longer go back to how things were before.
“When taking additional wives, you can’t marry someone of higher status than your first wife.”
That was what Irina said at my brother’s mansion. That simple statement pierced my mind like a thorn. It was something I could never forget, and I just couldn’t brush it off.
I never imagined that having multiple wives was even a possibility. My father only had one wife—my mother—and other noble families we interacted with were the same. Thus, I thought it was just a given that monogamy was the norm. I had lived in such a world.
However, upon deeper reflection, all those families were minor nobility at best. As a baronial family, the Naird clan had no interaction with high-ranking nobles like counts or above. How was I supposed to know how those high-ranking nobles ran their households?
“Oppa will soon be an Imperial Count, and his position as a Minister is almost certain. It wouldn’t be strange for him to have multiple wives.”
That realization almost made me burst into tears. My brother was destined to be an Imperial Count directly under the Emperor, and given his age, it was certain he would become a Minister soon.
It didn’t seem odd that a man of such lofty status and position could have multiple wives. Hearing this made my heart tremble, almost spilling over with tears.
I thought it was too late. After witnessing how close my brother had become to the Princess, I finally acknowledged my feelings for him and thought my chance was lost. Even if I had realized earlier, I thought I couldn’t compete with the Princess, who had developed feelings for him first.
If that was the case, I should have just remained ignorant. Had I never realized my feelings for oppa, I might not have suffered as much. I cried so much inside just thinking about it.
It’s not too late.
Having multiple wives wasn’t an unusual thing among the nobility. There were even customs regarding the first wife, so it must be a common practice. Then, perhaps I too…
When I placed my hand over my chest, I felt my heart racing like a jackrabbit. I was also in line to inherit a title. It might not be as prestigious as those of oppa and the Princess, but I could still become one of the noble titled classes. In that case, I wouldn’t be unworthy of being the wife of an Imperial Count.
Just in case Irina was mistaken, I even contacted my father, who held a noble title, to consult him. He would definitely know!
“That’s right. The world of high nobility is complex, and so are their marriages.”
That settled it. Irina, the young countess, and my father both had the same opinion. With such cross-verification, it surely couldn’t be wrong.
“Uh, Father?”
“What is it?”
“Um, what do you think about having multiple wives?”
My father seemed surprised by the sudden question but still answered.
He said, if a nobleman needed to marry again, there had to be a good reason, and that introducing a new wife required the consent of the existing ones. He also added that it was nothing outsiders needed to worry about.
“So don’t think too strangely about it.”
“Ah, yes.”
Fortunately, my father didn’t seem opposed to having multiple wives. Still, I kept quiet about wanting to be one of them.
After all, Father had advised me not to think too weirdly about it. He said there had to be good reasons, and he would understand. Surely, he would.
So, I shouldn’t hesitate. I nearly missed my chance with oppa because I couldn’t be honest. Miraculously, I had been given another opportunity, and I couldn’t let it slip away.
I needed to be brave to be with oppa. But first—
The consent of the existing wives.
Not only did I need oppa’s love, but I also required the Princess’s consent.
I rummaged through my memories. Had I ever disrespected the Princess or made her dislike me?
Did I?
There was that one time she scolded me, but aside from that, there hadn’t been any major incidents. In fact, we had maintained a relatively uneventful senpai-kohai (senior-junior) relationship.
But this was my perspective. The Princess might secretly harbor bad feelings towards me.
My heart started to race in a completely different way. If I couldn’t win oppa’s love because I wasn’t good enough, that was one thing. But if I missed out on becoming his wife because of the Princess’s disapproval, I might just cry my heart out until I couldn’t breathe.
I must not be disliked at all costs.
I absolutely must not make a bad impression. If I focused solely on winning oppa’s heart and ended up angering the Princess, it wouldn’t just be my downfall. They might end up fighting too!
I needed to keep quiet for now.
While it was true that oppa and the Princess had grown closer, the issue was that they hadn’t established an official relationship, such as an engagement, yet.
There was a difference between being the first and being recognized as the first. If I showed interest in oppa before they became engaged, I would face the Princess’s wrath. She might think I was trying to steal her position.
“You sneaky cat!”
Just imagining the Princess grabbing my hair and shaking me like a maniac sent shivers down my spine.
Honestly, I didn’t want to remain silent. I felt envious every time I saw oppa and the Princess getting along so well. I wanted to love oppa like she did. I wanted to be loved by him too.
But if I acted on my feelings before the Princess became the official fiancée, I wouldn’t receive love but something entirely different. So, I had to endure. Rushing things could lead to catastrophe!
I want them to get engaged soon!
I wished for it so sincerely that it slipped out involuntarily.
Honestly, it seemed like it might happen soon. Maybe within this year? Surely, they wouldn’t wait until after the Princess graduated, right?
With no future awaiting me if I invoked the Princess’s wrath, I had to hold back my feelings for oppa for a while. But that didn’t mean I should do nothing either.
In fact, there was something I needed to quickly do before I could show my feelings to oppa.
I can’t delay it any longer.
I had been hiding behind my past and pretending not to notice the affections of my fellow members.
It was a cowardly and foolish act. What was even more cowardly was that I had developed feelings for someone else while doing it!
I had sworn to treat everyone fairly without picking favorites, but that promise crumbled to dust. Treating my fellow club members the same way as before would be a great insult to them in this situation. I couldn’t afford to make it even worse!
My heart already belonged elsewhere; neglecting my fellow members’ feelings any longer would be a despicable act.
So, I waited until school resumed. I anticipated the club time when everyone would naturally gather together.
Thank goodness, or maybe thanks to Enen’s help, oppa was also absent from the clubroom.
“Louise, is something wrong?”
“You look a bit gloomy.”
And just like that, relief washed over me knowing oppa was gone, but guilt came crashing in like a tsunami. I had been ignoring these kids who cared about me, and now I had to push them away.
I’m sorry.
I’m really sorry!
Now, I had to lay everything on the table. That I had intentionally ignored their kindness, that I knew but turned a blind eye, and that I was apologizing for only bringing it up now.
I even had to say that I wasn’t worthy of their feelings.
It was too late for me to say this. But not saying it at all would be disrespectful to them.
Respect?
Suddenly, a wave of self-loathing hit me. Did I even have the right to speak of respect? It sounded as if I was considering the feelings of the club members as if I was doing this for them!
No. I wasn’t doing this for them at all. I was just doing it because I was troubled inside. Had I not recognized my feelings for oppa, I might have kept my mouth shut forever.
I’ve posed as if I was being considerate in such an audacious manner. I was simply cowardly and selfish until the very end!
My head drooped helplessly. I couldn’t face the club members at all.
“Lady Louise.”
Ainter’s voice sounded like a scolding to me, making my body tremble. It was quite something for me, a baron’s daughter, to be reprimanded by a prince.
“Please speak comfortably.”
However, Ainter’s words were not scolding at all.
“I don’t know what’s on your mind or what you want to say. Unfortunately, I don’t possess the ability to read thoughts.”
With a small chuckle, Ainter continued, his tone warm as if trying to comfort me.
“Therefore, I’m curious to hear what Lady Louise has to say. I’m ready and willing to listen to anything.”
Upon hearing this, I cautiously raised my head and saw Ainter smiling at me.
“Your Highness, your eloquence isn’t exactly impressive.”
“That’s probably what I intended to say.”
“Ha-ha! Brother Ainter isn’t one to talk much, is he? Well, it’s supposed to get better the more you practice.”
“Erich, why are you being so quiet?”
“Because I’m an Imperial, unlike you.”
The back-and-forth banter between Ainter and Erich burst through my overwhelming anxiety, and I managed to crack a smile.
They were obviously exaggerating just to lift my spirits. It was blatantly clear. Even a theater wouldn’t have such lines in their scripts!
“Um…”
But having seen them act like this, I couldn’t hesitate any longer.
“I have something to say.”
Saying this might turn their kindness into animosity. It could cause the collapse of the club.
“I’ve actually known all along, but I pretended not to.”
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