Chapter: 108
The club members coming to the territory was a matter brimming with the Emperor’s will, so I’m sure His Majesty’s eyes and ears are plastered all over this place. At this point, it could be said to be more secure than the mansion guarded by the Masked Unit.
Of course, just because the Emperor has made things safer for the members, I can’t let my guard down. It’s like the little rascal rolling around with glee suddenly slumping down to rest — that’s a provocation! It’s practically saying, ‘Since I know the Emperor is watching, I’ll take a break!’ with all the confidence in the world.
Considering the Emperor’s paranoia and obsession with imperial authority has hit an all-time high, if a subordinate figures out plans he never directly mentioned and tries to act clever? They’ll quickly find themselves in hot water for insubordination. History is no stranger to tales where subordinates aiming for higher ground find themselves ‘ascending to the heavens’ (a.k.a. getting executed) instead.
“Since this is Erich’s house, keep it quiet.”
“Oops, I think it’s high time I get back to the capital.”
That would be even better.
Anyway, I’ve got to show the Emperor’s eyes and ears that I’m working hard wherever they might be. So here I am, personally guiding the members to their rooms.
Truth be told, I came here because of Mother’s invitation; I really didn’t have to go through all this trouble. But with the thought that the Emperor might be watching, I must stay active. Your Majesty, are you watching? Look how diligent I am!
“You can stay in this room, Mar.”
“…….”
“Mar?”
“Oh, I’m sorry. I was lost in thought for a moment.”
“It’s okay, it happens.”
After assigning rooms to the Pastry Club and Irina, the last one left to guide was Marghetta, but she seemed unusually distracted today.
Since entering the mansion, her gaze has been darting around, and she seems preoccupied even now. I hope there isn’t any trouble on her mind.
“If you need anything, just call for the servants, or you can come to me.”
“I’ll do that. Thanks for your concern, Carl.”
I nodded at Marghetta, who smiled softly, and shifted my focus. Now it’s my turn to handle what needs doing.
Before showing them their rooms, Mother invited me to have tea together once I was done. When Mother calls, a son must respond, right?
‘I didn’t expect her to call me back so quickly.’
But it’s good if I can wrap things up faster. That means I can head back sooner.
Mother was in the rear garden of the mansion. A tea table was already set, and the snacks were ready. Did I arrive a tad too late?
“Mother.”
“You’re here. Come sit.”
As I sat down across from her, a maid immediately poured the tea. Looking around, I noticed the head maid behind Mother, accompanied by around six other maids. Quite a crowd for a simple tea gathering.
“Head maid, how have you been?”
I greeted the head maid first. Regardless of being an employee, she held the unique honor of being both Mother’s childhood friend and my nanny. Even the head butler would hesitate before crossing her.
“How delightful to have the young master inquire about me; it feels like my fatigue just evaporates!”
“That’s good to hear.”
The head maid replied with a heartwarming smile, one that makes anyone’s heart flutter. From her perspective, having known me since I was a baby, her fondness is likely quite natural.
‘I can’t quite get used to this.’
Conversely, the affection the head maid showed me felt embarrassingly overwhelming. It’s not like I have any emotional attachment to her, as I haven’t experienced being raised by her directly.
Using ‘nanny’ is fine with me, but it doesn’t stir feelings of fondness. Honestly, I don’t feel particularly close to my own parents; feeling affection towards her is just odd.
So, while Erich always calls her ‘nanny’ affectionately, I stuck to calling her ‘head maid.’ At first, she seemed a bit hurt by that, but perhaps she thought it was just typical teenage rebellion and accepted it soon after.
‘Am I still in the rebellious phase at 21?’
Ahh, the tenderness of a nanny’s heart toward a child is incredible, isn’t it?
“How were the guests?”
“No complaints. I’ve arranged everything, so you don’t have to worry.”
“That’s a relief. I was worried about satisfying such esteemed guests.”
As I lowered my gaze at the head maid’s smile, Mother’s voice caught my attention. A hint of fatigue colored her tone; it seemed this invitation weighed heavily on her.
It makes sense. After all, Mother likely just wanted to host a simple gathering of her sons, and then there were royals crashing the party. If I was already worried about being invited, how must she feel, the one actually hosting?
“They’re kind and cheerful folks. They’ll just be here as guests and leave peacefully.”
Sensing her distress, I tried to reassure her. I understood her feelings all too well, having suffered through similar situations myself.
Moreover, while those kids do have a knack for causing trouble, they’re not the types to flaunt their status and throw a tantrum. They’re genuinely just here to enjoy as guests.
Yet, saying this could make them seem too pristine. The problem is they don’t show this side to their subordinates.
“Thank you for saying that.”
Still, it seemed my words offered her some relief, as she smiled gently in response. The head maid behind her also wore a pleased smile; well, let’s just ignore that.
“…Have you been well?”
After a brief silence, Mother finally broke it with what felt like quite a redundant question.
The head maid, perhaps noticing the awkwardness, poked Mother gently on the back. Then it dawned on Mother; her face filled with obvious embarrassment. She had just inquired about my well-being earlier at the mansion’s entrance. Why ask me twice in one day?
“Of course. It would be a joke if a man from the Krasius family was weak.”
“Right. Exactly, that’s the truth.”
‘What’s going on here?’
Seriously, what’s with all this?
I was utterly baffled as to the context. What point was she trying to hint at, and why the fluster?
I glanced at the head maid to see if she knew something, but she just wore a puzzled expression too.
“Speaking of Erich…”
After wrestling with my thoughts, I decided it was finally time to break the silence. If I stayed quiet indefinitely, Mother might never get to the main point and we’d end up wrapping up the tea party prematurely. So, I chose to steer the conversation towards Erich as a distraction. Sorry, Erich. Can I borrow your name for a moment?
*
This is really strange. I’ve mentally prepared what I wanted to say to Carl, yet my lips refuse to budge. I have so much to say and so much that needs saying.
‘This isn’t right.’
This gathering is a rare chance to call him here, especially considering how busy he is. I mean, it’s not like he has time to spare! I ought to quickly achieve my purpose here and let him return to his duties.
Yet, all I did was repeat meaningless greetings in front of him. It’s quite embarrassing, especially when Laura nudges me from behind in disbelief.
‘This can’t go on!’
This was meant to be an honest moment for me to talk with Carl. A chance I gathered courage for, to mend the awkward mother-son relationship we have.
“They’re kind and cheerful folks. They’ll just be here as guests and leave peacefully.”
Carl even proactively offered me reassurance first. It’s so sweet, but this isn’t the way it should be. I should be the one comforting my child, not the reverse! I ought to be there for him.
But how do I do that?
Whenever I try to say what I had prepared, my mouth refuses to cooperate.
Do I even have the right to say these things now? That question loomed over me insistently.
“The Krasius family has its own ways. That’s how we’ve thrived and earned the Emperor’s favor.”
Those were the very words Billy used to say when our adorable sons, Carl and Erich, came into this world.
He meant to say he should handle their upbringing since the Krasius family has their established methods. At that time, I simply nodded in agreement. The two boys are destined to carry forth the Krasius legacy, after all. If we have traditions, it makes sense to follow them, right?
“The role of a wife is important too. If the kids don’t have a place to be spoiled, it’s a problem.”
During their upbringing, I was told not to be overly indulgent. This didn’t sit right with me. How could I NOT dote on such small, adorable children? Does that even make sense?
The living proof of this stood right before me. Billy was raised in this manner. His father, grandfather, great-grandfather, and all generations prior had the same upbringing. And the outcome? A 300-year lineage of the noble and prestigious Krasius family.
Clearly, it yields results. So, is it right for me to defy this legacy built over 300 years? Should I risk ruining 300 years of family history all because of my stubbornness and guilt? What about my children’s future, or my relationship with Billy?
“Fine, if it’s for the kids.”
In the end, I went along with Billy’s words. Looking back now, I feel that I was so young and naïve back then. If Billy said that to me now, I would have grabbed him by the collar and shaken some sense into him. Expressing love to my children should be something entirely natural.
From that point on, I merely observed my children from afar, avoiding any hugs and only looking out for them. If they got hurt, I had the caretaker provide herbs. When their training was too intense, I would mention to the chef to be careful with their meals. And if they seemed to have caught a cold, I’d send a priest.
Every time I did those things, I felt a swell of pride inside me.
Yes, I love my children. I’m always watching over them. I’m fulfilling my responsibilities as a mother.
Those were such foolish thoughts. Children would cherish even a simple pat on the back or a hug much more than all of that. And by the time I eventually came to realize that, it was already too late.
“I’m fine. Don’t worry.”
Five years ago, Carl fell off a horse and lost consciousness. Thankfully, he woke up soon after, but the expression on his face when he opened his eyes is something I can never forget.
He had an expression that made it feel like he was looking at someone else, like he could see right through me, as though he was resentful for my worries surfacing only as he teetered on the brink of death.
From that moment on, I could no longer indulge myself in the pretense of caring from a distance. Yet I lacked the courage to step forward and ask for forgiveness.
Time, however, continued its relentless march, ignoring my hesitation.
My child was transforming into someone unrecognizable to me. No, the truth is, did I ever truly know anything about him in the first place?
“Eusenia. How long will you keep this up?”
Thus began the period, where I hid behind excuses that Carl was too busy for me, and then Erich left for the Academy, leaving me in solitude. Unable to bear it anymore, Laura finally spoke up. How long would I continue with this charade? When would I stop turning a blind eye?
Laura scolded me for what felt like an eternity. Looking at a mother with a strained relationship with her children must’ve seemed truly pitiful from her perspective as their nanny.
Yet, thanks to Laura, I found the courage I needed. Yes, I should at least beg for forgiveness for the time I neglected them. If that’s not enough, then even more.
Gratefully, Carl and Erich returned to the territory. They granted another chance to someone who likely felt they never wanted to associate with me again.
“Speaking of which, about Erich…”
Then, during the meeting I had arranged to seek their forgiveness individually, Carl brought up Erich.
It was touching, really. A mother speaking to her elder son about their younger child’s life at the Academy. Oh, how peaceful and ordinary it was! Did I really deserve to experience such a moment?
Carried away by emotions, I forgot that I was the one at fault, and blurted out—
“I hope he can find a compatible partner at the Academy.”
“Is that so?”
At that, Carl’s expression stiffened slightly, as if demanding, ‘Do you really have the right to say that?’
Tears threatened to spill.
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