### Chapter 307 – Room 204, Mission Room – ‘Hotel Cinema’ (29)
—
– Park Seungyub
With my back pressed against the wall, I shuffled out of the room and into the corridor. Just then, a distant horn blared. What was the countermeasure for Thomas again? Climbing on furniture?
Looking around in a panic, I spotted a table in the direction I wanted to move. The problem was that moving sideways like this, with my back against the wall, was going too slow!
“Thomas is starting! Please clear the way for the tracks!”
“Ah! Al—ready?!”
As the sound of Thomas approached, I squeezed my eyes shut and sprinted towards the table. I desperately prayed not to get attacked by Happy Happy from behind.
My prayer was answered through someone else’s sacrifice.
“Happy—”
“Woof!”
A horrendous noise erupted from behind, causing tears to well up uncontrollably. Thanks to the brave Suji risking her life, I managed to leap onto the table.
— Wheeeeee!
Before I could catch my breath, Thomas rushed past with a deafening sound. As my entire body left the ground, Thomas ignored me entirely.
“Eek!”
Seeing Happy Happy being flung away by Thomas’s spider-like legs eased my tension a bit. Had Happy Happy just been ripped apart by Thomas?
Probably not. I recalled when Ari had gone in—after Suji had bitten Happy Happy’s leg, the monster reappeared on the screen fully intact.
“Dolly dolly! It’s tea time!”
Dollyphant’s second call! Time was running out. I heard it loud and clear from outside, giving me a rough estimate of Dollyphant’s location.
“Yah!”
I jumped off the table and landed on the next one. The distance to the next piece of furniture was too far, so I touched the floor just briefly before scampering up to a wall-mounted shelf and then leaping from chair to heater to floor.
This way, I could dodge Thomas, but my back was still exposed. I needed to find Dollyphant before Happy Happy recovered and chased after me!
I dashed through the corridor, passing two rooms and a living-like space. Dollyphant had to be around here somewhere!
— Ting!
A clear, high-pitched sound rang out, as if glassware had clinked together. Please let this be the place! I opened the massive wooden door and stepped inside.
“Dolly dolly!”
“…”
“Dolly dolly!”
Should I echo back?
“Do-do-lly dolly!”
“Hmmm. If you’re slow to respond again, I might just step on you, Kevin! You really take your time, having to call twice before you come!”
The ominous atmosphere of the giant pink elephant sent shivers down my spine.
Wouldn’t it be less terrifying if it were a real elephant? Looking at this creature, straddling the line between an actual elephant and a plush toy, I finally understood the term “uncanny valley.”
“… Sorry.”
“Alright! Come here and sit down!”
The gigantic parlor where Dollyphant stayed was all set for tea time.
Unbelievably giant, colorful teacups rested on the table, and Dollyphant had a colossal teapot that looked like I could fit inside!
“Whoosh!”
“What was that just now? Are you laughing at me for grabbing the teapot with my trunk?”
“Of course not! I was just thinking how elegant and beautiful you are!”
“Elegant and beautiful? Are you making fun of me right now?”
“Eh? Huh?”
“The teapot is supposed to be held by hand! Does Kevin not know that?!”
“… I know! Teapots are held by hands!”
“So, since I have elephant legs, I couldn’t hold it. I just used my trunk! And Kevin thought it was funny! Bad boy!”
Ahh! What is wrong with this creature? Did it really want to kill me for a single laugh?
“No! I genuinely thought it was beautiful! There’s no rule saying a teapot must only be held by hands, right?”
“Liar! There’s a book here titled ‘Tea Etiquette for English Gentlemen’! No part of it says to hold a teapot with a trunk! So I’m very sad… I want to put the author in a teapot and boil them!”
Where on earth did this absurd book come from? The people who compile tea rituals probably never thought a plush elephant would participate! Is that what’s making it angry?
“That’s because the authors were narrow-minded! They thought only humans could join tea time! It’s fine for elephants to use their trunks too!”
“Earlier, Kevin said that teapots should be held by hands!”
“I was mistaken before! There’s no fixed body part for holding a teapot. You should use whatever part of your body is comfortable. Elephants hold it with their trunks, and humans with their hands. So when an elephant uses their trunk, it’s beautiful, and when a human uses their hands, it’s elegant!”
“But tea etiquette must be followed as written in the book!”
“Hand over that book!”
Without realizing it, I blurted that out. Dollyphant tilted its head in confusion and handed over a tiny book, wondering how it could even read with such a huge body.
As soon as I got it, I snatched up a pen lying on the floor and added a line.
“An elephant participating in tea time may use its trunk instead of hands.”
“Got it?!”
“Got it! Got it! Now I can use my trunk! Doesn’t Kevin want to use his trunk too?”
“… I’ll stick with my hands since I’m human.”
Can that ridiculous book be modified? Whatever, I’ll let it slide for now.
Dollyphant lifted the teapot with its trunk and began pouring tea. I felt a mix of anxiety, thinking a stuffed elephant wouldn’t make normal tea, but surprisingly, the usual fragrant tea flowed out.
The problem was that the teacup was the size of a small bathtub, and it filled almost to the brim. While it might seem just enough for an elephant, for me, it would surely burst my stomach!
“Kevin! Time to drink your tea.”
With that, Dollyphant dipped its trunk into the teacup and slurped, transferring the tea to its mouth. It repeated that three times and emptied the bathtub-sized cup.
Of course, I did my utmost to drink too. I had to climb onto the table just to reach it.
“It’s not going down at all. Kevin, you don’t dislike black tea, do you?”
“I’m— I’m drinking it!”
“It’s still full up to the brim?”
Even I could see that the teacup was still brimming with tea. Sweat running down my back, I turned slightly to the side and noticed Happy Happy glaring at me near the entrance.
Thank goodness Dollyphant was here; that kept Happy Happy from entering. As for Thomas, it seemed to have wandered downstairs, with the sound of its horn fading into the distance.
“I-I’m drinking it!”
I struggled to gulp it down one more time, only to suddenly realize how ridiculous this was. I was just a 12-year-old kid! There’s no way I can drink all this tea.
What should I do? If I protested, wouldn’t that ruin tea time? Maybe I could say the cup was too big?
“Dollyphant, my teacup is—”
“Kevin, I made this tea with my heart! If you leave any, I might get really mad.”
Is this pink elephant serious right now?
… There’s no choice. I need to channel the power of destiny at this moment!
Divine Assistance activate!
[The energy of the universe envelops you!]
— Clunk!
In the next moment, a loud crash echoed, and the room shook. My entire body danced as the entire parlor quaked, and books and decorations started tumbling to the floor.
“Ugh! What’s happening—”
“TOOOOOOMAS!”
Dollyphant’s roar seemed to shatter the room.
“Are you not driving right? If you keep crashing into things and making a racket—”
— Kaa-bang! Squeeeek! Clunk!
Another even louder crash sounded. As the entire table began to shake, the dreaded horror right in front of me started wobbling.
“Ah! My teacup! My teacup!”
As the teacup trembled and spilled a little tea, Dollyphant instantly panicked and shouted. I was losing my balance, teetering towards the table’s underside when something lifted me.
N-No way! Dollyphant can’t be—
“Kevin! Are you alright?”
Dollyphant appeared calmer than I had ever seen it. It must have figured out that I hadn’t messed up tea time!
“… I’m fine. Thanks for saving me.”
“That stupid Thomas is trying to ruin tea time! Do you know how much effort I put into brewing this black tea? Kevin, do you have any idea how hard it is to brew tea with a trunk?”
“It… sounds pretty tough.”
It’s kind of like using just one arm as a human, right?
“Just wait! I’m going to smash that foolish Thomas!”
With that, Dollyphant stormed out of the parlor, a twisted expression on its face. Before long, loud crashing sounds echoed from outside.
“… What just happened?”
But now what should I do? Should I just wait here until the bizarre happenings in the mansion finally wrap up?
“Kevin…. I’ve been waiting a long time.”
The moment I heard a whisper from behind, chills ran down my spine! Instinctively, I turned and pressed my back against the teacup.
“Are you still here?!”
“Why would I go anywhere when Kevin is here? Wouldn’t it be more fun to play tag with me than sipping tea with Dollyphant?”
“Please leave!”
Sticking closely to the round teacup, I shuffled sideways. Apparently, that was amusing for Happy Happy, as it began to laugh hysterically.
“Kevin, pulling those moves again? Hiding your back and scuttling sideways like a king crab! Isn’t that fun?”
“…”
“I already told you, right? If you keep acting like that, next time I’ll treat you ‘roughly’?”
“Reaching out won’t help!”
“How about this?”
With that, Happy Happy’s outstretched hand easily toppled the teacup. A massive wave of black tea flooded the table and slicked the entire parlor floor, causing me to lose my balance and slide.
“Are you going to lie down this time? That won’t—”
I couldn’t breathe. It wasn’t because of Happy Happy’s sharp claws glistening in front of me.
It was because Dollyphant had come back, standing behind me. Moments earlier, Happy Happy had knocked over the teacup right in front of Dollyphant.
I mumbled blankly, “Dolly dolly…”
“What?”
*
– Theater
As the crazed Dollyphant roared and turned Happy Happy into decor, the hotel teammates began analyzing the situation.
“It looks like the blessing has run its course.”
Agreeing with Kim Sanghyun, Han Kain nodded.
“It seems so. Thanks to the results of the blessing, both Happy Happy and Thomas got neutralized, and an absurd amount of tea spilled all over the place. It feels like we’ve eliminated more than half of the danger in one fell swoop.”
Cha Jinchul looked on with a somewhat uneasy expression.
“But that pink elephant is still intact, isn’t it? Plus, it’s started brewing more black tea again.”
Gained furrowing his brow, he glared at the screen.
“When in the world is this tea time going to end? Sensei, do you know anything?”
After rummaging through his memory for a moment, Kim Sanghyun replied.
“I’m a bit hazy, but based on the booklet the elephant has, it’ll last at least an hour.”
“At least?”
“If it’s drawn out, then over two hours. Such a well-planned tea time was only a pastime enjoyed by wealthy English nobles who had all the time in the world.”
“Oh, snap! It feels like only about 20 minutes have gone by.”
Everyone’s faces turned grim.
“But Kain, it seems like Seungyub discovered something vital a little while ago.”
“‘Tea Etiquette for English Gentlemen,’ right?”
“It means we can alter the content of the book that Dollyphant follows like a Bible. Seungyub should recall that fact soon!”
*
– Park Seungyub
“Cough!”
I felt like I was going to throw up.
“Dolly dolly! What’s going on? You weren’t trying to make me spit out my tea, were you?”
“… Nope. I just happen to cough a lot.”
“Cough? Oh my goodness! Kevin, you really need to take care of your health! That lemongrass tea is perfect for coughs!”
Just then, watching as the pink elephant shoved a massive green stalk resembling a giant leeks into the enormous teapot, I made my decision. I couldn’t hold out any longer. It was better to do something than to die from being stuffed!
Just as I thought that, an opaque window popped up right in front of me.
[Will you use the First Human?]
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