Chapter: 385
– May I ask what’s going on?
“Tell Lucy’s dad some nice words, Saintess. I’m just a fool who doesn’t know what to say.”
Upon hearing the emotionless voice from the crystal orb, Phoebe’s expression briefly crumbled.
– …Kent Young Lady?
“Yup, that’s me.”
“I’m here too. It’s Phoebe.”
– Joy? Is the Third Prince of Soladin with you as well?
“That’s right, Saintess.”
What in the world is going on here? Phoebe tilted her head, glancing at the haggard face of Benedict.
At first, she thought the crystal orb connected to Young Lady Alrn was sparkling because she had something to say. But when she received the call, all she saw was the worn-out visage of Alrn Marquis. She initially thought Alrn was seeking confession and now there were voices coming from the back!
– Uh, um, Kent Young Lady. You brought the Young Lady’s crystal orb, right?
“Yep, that’s right. The Saintess needed it.”
– You didn’t check with the others first?
“Consult?”
Phoebe, in her naive curiosity, giggled at realizing this was a one-person decision. She didn’t know the exact situation, but it was clear that Alrn was in need of help.
– Alrn Marquis.
“Y-Yes, Saintess.”
– Do you need my assistance?
Benedict’s gaze deepened at Phoebe’s softly posed question. The presence of the hero who alone changed the course of the war weighed heavily on her, but Phoebe stood firm.
Being a Saintess, her mission was to extend a helping hand to those in distress, to bring hope to those who are crumbling.
She faced the Marquis without backing down. In the end, it was Benedict who retreated first. He shook his head while uttering a weak voice.
“You seem like a completely different person than the last time I saw you.”
– I was just posing as the Young Lady’s friend back then.
“Indeed. Very well then, Saintess. Would you offer advice to this foolish father?”
– If that’s what you desire, I will gladly do so.
While Phoebe conversed with Benedict, Joy stood up with Arthur and Frey.
What is about to unfold in this room is surely a conversation sacred in nature. No one else should be present apart from these two.
Once the two were alone, Benedict leaned back in his chair and let out a weary chuckle.
“I’ll mention this upfront, but I haven’t been baptized.”
– And why is that important?
“Pardon?”
– The great Lord does not differentiate between believers and nonbelievers, loving them equally. Therefore, I should act accordingly.
“Ah ha! That’s quite an eye-opener.”
Underneath Phoebe’s stern smile, Benedict shared the same tale he had just told the other three.
About the sins he committed against his daughter. Sins he could never atone for, and he shouldn’t even wish to.
Only after he finished speaking did Phoebe open her mouth, which had been quietly listening until now.
– Alrn Marquis, you mentioned that you shouldn’t hope for forgiveness, yes?
“Yes, indeed.”
– Have you considered that turning away from those seeking forgiveness could inflict even greater wounds?
Benedict instinctively wanted to protest, but no words escaped his lips. Phoebe’s statement struck too close to his heart.
– Among the clergy, there are many who choose to endure hardships. They often believe they can approach the Lord through their own suffering.
“Yes, I’ve heard tales of such.”
– I do not think all their actions are wrong. The willingness to bear another’s sin is certainly noble. However, not everything they do is right.
Choosing to suffer for others rather than becoming consumed in one’s own hardship can be misguided. That’s not penance; that’s destruction.
“…”
– Alrn Marquis, I trust you understand what I am trying to say.
Benedict silently nodded, and Phoebe continued in a stern tone.
– Always question who the thorny path you walk is meant for. You can do it; you are wise and good.
“Me? Really?”
– Yes.
Before Phoebe’s unwavering gaze, Benedict could only feel awe.
Look at those eyes that seem to believe in me more than I believe in myself. This person truly deserves her title as Saintess.
“Thank you for your advice, Saintess. How could I ever repay this kindness?”
– You don’t have to worry about it. I’m merely returning a portion of the overwhelming kindness received from the Young Lady.
“Lucy. That’s right. While this inadequate father has been wandering aimlessly, Lucy has been moving forward all along.”
Benedict couldn’t hold back the tears that naturally flowed. Seeing the shoulders of a hero who seemed impervious to breakage shrink under the weight of pain brought Phoebe back to her usual gentle self.
– Alrn Marquis, please do what you must.
“Of course, Saintess.”
– Oh, and please tell the Young Lady to get in touch later. I truly want to see her smiling face.
“Ahaha. I don’t know if Lucy will listen to me, but I’ll at least give it a shot.”
– You must! It’s a promise!
Phoebe, shedding her earlier gravity, showed a spirit fitting her age before breaking the connection with the crystal orb.
Once left alone in the room, Benedict slowly stood up.
“I must not repeat the mistakes of the past.”
Thoughts and hesitations swirled in his mind, completely unorganized.
The guilt and self-loathing still filled Benedict to the brim.
However, instead of gazing out the window, he opened the office door.
“Foolish Papa.”
There stood Lucy. His beloved daughter. The final gift left by his wife.
The moment he saw Lucy’s bloodshot eyes, Benedict felt the urge to flee. He was terrified of what she might say next, wishing to retreat back into the office.
But Benedict stifled his anxiety and took a step forward, passing by Lucy’s friends to stand in front of her.
“Lucy.”
“Were you crying? Going through menopause? Is overwhelming sensitivity the case?”
“Could you accompany me outside for a moment?”
“Did you inherit the looks of a troll, or has the intelligence too?”
“…Huh?”
“Are you really going to toss your cute daughter out into the blizzard?”
Oh right, I forgot the weather outside was terrible! In my rush to manage emotions, I didn’t even consider basic things!
“No. I… that is….”
“Why are you reaching out your hand then?”
As Benedict stumbled over his words, feeling self-reproach, Lucy continued her teasing.
“Do you want me to grab these filthy hands covered in snot and tears? What’s your intent? To change from Foolish Papa to Beastly Papa?”
“Of course not! This is my tears and snot. I mean… uh….”
Where do I even start untangling this mess? While Benedict desperately wracked his brain, Lucy burst out laughing.
Not the teasing giggle, but a genuinely pure laugh. After a while, she finally grabbed Benedict’s filthy hand.
“Let’s not be too shabby, okay? If you disappoint me, I will never play with Foolish Papa again!”
“…I’ll do my best, Lucy.”
*
The blizzard outside posed no issue for their stroll. After all, I had the blessing of the Lord.
The sunshine-like warmth of the blessing didn’t falter in the blizzard but instead dispelled it, turning the surroundings into a pleasant refuge.
“I’ve met many clergy, but I’ve never seen anyone do such things with their divine power.”
“Foolish Papa, are you comparing me to those garbage trash? That REALLY gets on my nerves.”
“Haha, I’m sorry, I’m just not used to giving compliments.”
Benedict wore an awkward smile while constantly keeping an eye on Lucy’s reactions. The sight of her bloodshot eyes made me uneasy, so I avoided meeting his gaze.
‘Grandpa, what should I do?! How can I escape this awkward situation?’
Desperate, I sought advice.
Honestly speaking, I had no understanding of what was happening.
While I was sulking, Frey barged into the room, took the crystal orb connected to Phoebe, and I ended up following her only to find the weary face of Benedict.
How can I even come to terms with this situation?
Benedict looked so serious that I just played along, but I still had no clue what was going on.
[Just play along. That dunderhead has done a lot for you; you can do this much.]
‘But it feels too heavy! Look at his eyes! If I say something wrong, he might start sobbing!’
Seriously, what is happening! While I was feeling a bit gloomy, what on earth went down? Can someone please explain this to me?
“Um, Lucy.”
“What is it, Foolish Papa?”
“I’m sorry for being a pathetic father.”
Why is he apologizing all of a sudden?! Now I feel even more awkward!
What is going on? Did Benedict do something wrong?
No matter how I think about it, it seems like Lucy and I have done way worse things to Benedict than he ever did!
“You weren’t there by my side when I needed you the most. I’m so sorry.”
Just as I was contemplating whether to ditch his hand and make a run for it, I looked up at Benedict when he spoke. Tears were glistening in his eyes.
“I’ve been such a fool, only thinking about my own suffering. That’s why I couldn’t hold your hand when you reached out for help.”
Now, I—having seen Lucy’s past—understand the depth of what he wishes to apologize for. I know the sorrow and despair Lucy felt, and now I grasp the message behind Benedict’s words.
And thus, I couldn’t muster any response.
The one he needed to apologize to wasn’t me.
Benedict was not apologizing to me, knelt in the snow.
I have no right to ask for forgiveness, nor do I have the right to give it to him.
“To apologize after all this time—that’s truly embarrassing. But still….”
That moment, emotions surged from deep within me.
Just like when I felt anger hearing Mira’s insults.
Just like when I saw Benedict’s sorrowful face.
In the past, I was clueless about the source of these feelings, but now it’s clear.
This is Lucy’s emotion.
A child who resented the father who abandoned her but couldn’t bring herself to hate or loathe him.
I don’t know what fills my heart with this, but one thing is certain.
This feeling is telling me what I need to do.
I meet Benedict’s gaze, who is hunched over in the snow. Then, from the shadows of his troubles, I smile.
“Papa.”
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