Chapter: 384
Arthur recalled the feelings of loss—the moment he lost his mother. The time of the funeral. The rainy day he sat alone beside her grave. The countless snubs he endured in the palace after being left all alone.
He thought he had overcome it, but as he reflected on the wounds that still remained, he shook off his melancholy and spoke up.
“First and foremost, we need to establish that if we clumsily interfere, we’ll only worsen the situation.”
The pain of losing parents should not be awkwardly meddled with by outsiders. Even nearly ten years later, if the echoes of those emotions still linger, then even more so.
“Pathetic pity will only amplify the wounds.”
Swallowing his own experience, Arthur tapped lightly on the table and continued.
“The silver lining is that there’s someone in the mansion who can share Lucy’s sorrow.”
“Benedict Alrn, the Marquess.”
“Exactly. In my opinion, having Alrn comfort Lucy would be the best solution.”
“I think so too, but…”
Joy, recalling Benedict’s expression from yesterday, continued.
“It seems like the Marquess is subtly avoiding the Young Lady.”
This was just after they returned from the military expedition. When Benedict heard that Lucy and her party had come back, he dropped everything and rushed out to greet her, as if it was the most natural thing to do.
Up until that point, being the doting father, it was just typical behavior for him. But when he finally met Lucy again, his demeanor was quite different.
Seeing Lucy cheerfully calling “Papa,” he suddenly froze and then hurriedly fled, claiming an urgent matter had come up.
Since then, Benedict had been avoiding Lucy noticeably. It was hard to believe he was the same person who’d do everything to stay by his daughter’s side.
“Perhaps it’s because Lucy’s expressions have become more diverse?”
“That’s likely. The Marquess was always enamored with her usual cheeky expressions, but how could he withstand that bright smile of hers?”
The two, aware of how ridiculous the heroic figure of the kingdom, a knight who would go down in history, became in front of his daughter, sighed in unison.
“Well, we know what needs to be done. We have to inform Marquess Alrn about Lucy Alrn’s state. That should get him moving.”
“And since we can’t predict how the Marquess will react upon seeing the Young Lady in sorrow, we should plan what advice to give him ahead of time.”
With that, Joy and Arthur began to discuss what to say to Benedict.
On the other side of the table, Frey listened to their conversation with a blank stare.
Could someone who always paid attention to Lucy truly be unaware of her sadness? Was there some reason he couldn’t approach her?
Of course, Frey kept her questions to herself.
She figured the two, who were far smarter than she was, would handle it just fine.
*
Benedict did not like the snowy winters.
The reason was simple. The person he loved had died on a day just like this.
“Mira. Even after all this time since you’ve passed, the heavens still seem to mourn your death.”
Benedict sat there distracted, staring blankly out the window until he sensed someone approaching and spoke up first.
“Come in. I was just resting.”
The person who slowly walked in was the Young Lady of the Partran family. Knowing that she was a dear friend of his daughter Lucy, a softness appeared on Benedict’s face as he looked at Joy.
“What brings you here? Isn’t it time for training?”
“I came to ask something of the Marquess.”
“Ask away. Since you’re my daughter’s friend, I’ll answer just about anything.”
“Do you know that the Young Lady is feeling down?”
Benedict stiffened slightly at the direct question, then sighed and nodded.
“I did know.”
“You knew?”
“Yes. How could I not, with all that goes on in the mansion reaching my ears?”
Benedict had always lived with an ear to everything happening in the mansion. It was due to the thought that a servant who might hate Lucy could do something and because of worrying that Lucy might completely go astray.
Now it seemed a pointless habit, but Benedict continued to pay attention to the happenings at the mansion.
Hence he knew that with Mira’s death anniversary approaching, Lucy was grieving.
“But then why are you avoiding Lucy?”
“Because I don’t deserve to comfort her.”
Even though his heart felt crushed upon hearing that Lucy was sad, he couldn’t bring himself to console her.
He thought he had no right to do so, so he endured the pain from a distance.
Joy had questions about Benedict’s words, but she hesitated to ask because his expression seemed filled with such agony that he appeared on the brink of collapse.
Noticing the concern in her eyes, Benedict forced a small smile.
“It’s not a grand story, but it’s something I should tell my daughter’s friend.”
He then lifted his head and called out to the two standing outside the door.
“You two should come in as well.”
“…You knew.”
“My apologies.”
Seeing Arthur and Frey take their places beside Joy, Benedict called a servant to bring in some refreshments, then took a seat across from them.
“What do you mean that you don’t have the right?”
“Simply put, Your Highness. What right does a father who wasn’t there for his daughter during her darkest times have to comfort her in her grief?”
If one were to ask Benedict when he would want to turn back time, he would answer without hesitation.
He wished to return to when Lucy was at her most painful.
Not when he was full of vigor. Not when he was treated like a hero. Not when he was happiest with his wife. But to that moment when his daughter needed him the most, and he hadn’t been there, wishing he could have been her pillar of support.
“When I lost my wife, I was so consumed with the pain of loss that I couldn’t pay attention to anything else.”
When he awoke in the morning, the person who should have been there was gone. No warm presence. No laughter. No soft voice. Everything felt so empty.
The same went for when he ate. The one who’d explain what dishes had been prepared and show excitement when he complimented the food was gone.
Whether he was working, wandering around the mansion, going for walks outside, or traveling by carriage—someone who was always there, someone he thought would always be there, was now absent.
Losing the person who filled every aspect of his life was the greatest pain Benedict had ever encountered.
He turned away from Lucy for that reason. Every time he saw his daughter, Mira’s face came to mind. Tears would spring up, and he felt a yearning to follow his wife. He just couldn’t keep his daughter close.
“Only after a long time did I realize how foolish I had been, but by then it was too late. Lucy had long since closed her heart. And quite right so. How could she open her heart when such a trashy father had abandoned her first?”
Benedict understood his own sins. Therefore, he lived his life with the heart of an ever-guilty sinner.
He believed the only thing he could do was love his daughter and wish that she forgave him, which is why he acted that way.
“Humans are truly cunning beings. The guilt I firmly vowed never to ignore gradually dulled.”
When that child, who had cursed the world trapped by the day his wife died, began to regain her footing and move forward from her sorrow, the foolish Benedict displayed pure joy at her change.
He imagined a day where he could forget his sins and be happy with his daughter.
He wished to return to the once happy scenery.
Ignorant of decency.
“However, the moment that dream scene turned into reality, all the sins I had committed alongside those memories rushed back to me.”
When Lucy returned from the military, she could smile brightly, not with a forced smile, but just like when her mother was still alive. She could be honest with her emotions.
Seeing that brought Benedict a guilt larger than joy.
He was reminded of a sin that could never be erased from those past scenes.
He realized that at some point, he had begun to excuse his sin of abandoning his child.
“I have been avoiding Lucy for that reason. I feel like if I see Lucy being happy, I won’t truly rejoice.”
I’m someone who should not be happy. Someone who should suffer, forever shouldering guilt.
When Benedict had forgotten how to smile, a knock echoed on the door.
After the butler entered with the refreshments and left again, Benedict looked at his haggard face reflected in the teacup and continued.
“I have no right to comfort Lucy. I am undeserving of forgiveness from her.”
With that, both Arthur and Joy were left speechless. All the words they had prepared were rendered powerless in the face of Benedict’s guilt.
“So, for you all…”
“Lucy’s dad.”
But one person was different. Ignoring the anxious glances from Arthur and Joy, Frey boldly spoke up.
“Isn’t that something for Lucy to decide, not you, Lucy’s dad?”
“…What?”
“The punishment for a bad person isn’t something the bad person chooses. If it were possible, I wouldn’t have to worry about getting yelled at by Lucy or the prince.”
“Hey! Frey!”
“So… um… um…”
Ignoring Arthur’s outburst, Frey suddenly stood up.
“This isn’t good. I’m too stupid to say something good.”
“What on earth are you causing a commotion for?”
Without even asking for permission, she dashed out of the room.
While the three were stunned by her sudden behavior, Frey returned with a crystal orb and placed it before Benedict.
“Kent Young Lady, what’s this?”
“A contact orb.”
“Which connection is this for?”
“It’s the most mature person I know.”
As Frey said that, she poured her magic into the orb. The blue light flickered a few times before settling, forming the image of a person above it.
– Young Lady! What’s… Oh dear. Marquess Alrn.
“The Saintess?”
– Yes, it’s Phoebe. It’s been a while since I’ve seen you.
That was the figure of the Saintess, who was currently busy with her schedule at the Sacred Church.
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