Chapter: 73
74. Is There Salvation for the Murderous Girl? (6)
“Don’t try to run away from your sins.”
With those words, Lucy stared at me.
A long silence filled the air.
Eventually, Lucy hesitantly spoke up.
“Are you telling me to live?”
At that, I nodded my head.
I knew she felt a sense of responsibility for what she had done. I also understood her desire to escape that guilt through death.
But even so, that was wrong. I couldn’t condone such a thing.
“I’ve committed an irreversible sin.”
Lucy spoke with a pained expression.
That was no doubt true.
No matter how much she begged for forgiveness, the dead would not come back to life.
Thus, her sins would never disappear.
The girl would have to live forever bearing that heavy guilt. She would have to carry that atrocious burden.
“I pushed someone else into hell with my own hands. I took away the life they should have enjoyed.”
Her voice trembled.
I could feel the weight of guilt pressing down on her.
The responsibility for the lives she had taken.
The girl was suffering from that.
That’s why she said,
“You know, don’t you? You always know everything.”
As if to say she was convinced I could see right through her feelings as well.
She didn’t want to live anymore.
She was scared of living.
She believed she couldn’t face another day carrying such a heavy weight of sin.
So she asked me to just let her go.
Let her escape this pain and find redemption through death.
“Don’t you know that I’m wishing for that?”
“Yet you’re telling me… to live?”
The blood-stained girl looked at me, her eyes filled with tears.
And I… nodded.
I understood her heart, and I knew what answer she was seeking, but I nodded anyway.
Seeing that, the girl asked me why I was telling her to live.
The answer to that question was already clear in my mind.
“Because you’ll regret it.”
That was a truth evident just by looking at her current state.
I had already released my grip on her arm.
She could end her life any moment, an act she could accomplish if she desired.
Yet even so, she didn’t move.
Even with nothing holding her back anymore, she hesitated and couldn’t make a decision.
There was only one reason for that hesitation.
“Deep down, you already know. Death is not a form of atonement.”
If she were a selfish person, she could have lived unconcerned about her guilt and continued her life as if nothing mattered.
If she were capable of compromise, she would have simply evaded the truth and ran away, regardless of what I said.
But she wasn’t like that.
It was clear that this girl was fundamentally a bright and honorable person.
So I said,
“If you truly want to atone, don’t die—live. Live and save others.”
Even if it’s painful, continue your life.
And as you do, save others.
Until you can forgive yourself someday, atone in that way.
“But even if I do…”
“Yeah, those who died won’t come back,” I replied.
That was a given.
Just by saving more people than she had killed didn’t erase her sins.
It was eternally impossible to wash away all that guilt.
It was uncertain if someday she would be able to forgive herself.
Perhaps she might live on, tormented by her guilt forever—an existence possibly worse than death itself.
“Honestly speaking, if I think about it rationally, this is the dumbest choice ever.”
There was no reason to choose this difficult path.
Living life unconcerned by one’s own actions would undoubtedly spare her much pain.
So undoubtedly, that would be a much more efficient way to live.
Compared to that, this road I was proposing seemed exceedingly foolish.
But…
“That said, this is the right path,” I insisted.
That part was certain.
Although a thorny road lay ahead, even if she chose to engage in suffering herself, it was still right.
So I looked at the girl again.
I had no more words left to say.
Now, everything depended on her choice.
*
Lucy stared blankly at the white-haired boy.
The boy finished speaking and awaited her answer. Now, only her choice remained.
Then what should she choose?
Which path was correct?
It was already clear without needing to ponder.
Deep down, she knew it as well.
The thought of atoning through death was merely an escape.
Her crimes she had committed.
The guilt of pushing children into hell, of robbing them of the lives they should have enjoyed.
It was all just a means to run away from that heavy responsibility.
Every word spoken by this man was spot-on.
The reason Lucy had wanted to become a knight was to be like the person who once saved her as a child.
And if she wanted to become like that person, then she must not escape from the sins she had committed.
Yet…
“I’m scared.”
That weak little confession slipped from her lips. There was no other option.
The guilt was far too heavy.
No matter how much she tried to run, it would never let her go.
What if it happened again? What if someone died again due to her negligence?
She never wanted to experience this again. She didn’t want to commit such a horrifying sin again.
Yet, Lucy was foolish.
So intoxicated with the pride that she was fulfilling justice, she had truly failed to see what she needed to see.
If only she had been a bit more cautious.
If only she had taken the time to scrutinize the suspicious actions of the Holy Church instead of doubting the Black Fangs…
None of this would have occurred.
The children wouldn’t have had to suffer such horrible pain; they wouldn’t have had to face death at such a young age.
They wouldn’t have had their lives so abruptly taken away from them.
All of this stemmed from Lucy’s ignorance.
That was why Lucy was afraid.
“I’m afraid I might repeat the same mistake again…”
That the same nightmare might keep repeating.
That her actions might once again push someone into hell.
It was a fear too great to bear.
Hearing those words from Lucy, the Commander fell silent for a moment and then finally spoke up.
“Then… let me make a suggestion.”
An incoherent statement.
He slowly approached her as he spoke.
As he drew near, he said to Lucy,
“If you ever stray again, I’ll stop you.”
If she ever made another foolish choice, if she ever tried to repeat her mistakes.
He vowed to be the one to stop her.
“I’ll stay by your side until you can forgive yourself.”
He vowed to help her atone.
Until she truly completed her atonement, he would accompany her on that difficult journey.
“If you truly want to atone, and if you’re willing to face the thorny path to do what’s right…”
Before she knew it, he stood right in front of her.
His blue eyes were focused on Lucy.
“Follow me.”
He said, looking at her.
It was strange.
There was no reason for him to make such a proposal to her.
Lucy hadn’t done anything for him.
In fact, she had doubted him multiple times and hindered him. Yet now, he was trying to help her.
He was saying he would help her not to stray from her path. So don’t worry, he reassured her.
He was even trying to save a murderous girl like her.
“Of course, I’m not forcing you. The choice is ultimately yours.”
He looked at the girl as he spoke.
Lucy instinctively sensed it. This choice would change the course of her life.
With this choice, everything about her life would turn upside down.
But… she didn’t hesitate.
There was no reason to hesitate.
Lucy knelt at that very spot.
Before her stood not the Emperor.
This place held no holiness, nor was there a ceremonial sword in sight.
Yet, that didn’t matter at all.
The crowning ceremony was ultimately a ritual to vow.
A vow of eternal loyalty.
A loyalty unchanging towards her lord no matter how much time passes.
“I vow to live as your sword, to carry out your will.”
From afar, the sun began to rise.
Bright light illuminated Lucy.
The long day, one that seemed never-ending, had finally passed.
And a new day was about to begin.
In this way, the girl became a knight.
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