Chapter: 46
Look at Me (2)
What is love?
It’s a rather embarrassing question.
However, for Siel, this was an incredibly serious matter.
Every single action of hers stemmed from that love.
Siel lay on the bed, lost in thought. Normally, she wouldn’t find herself troubled by such things.
It’s only natural.
Above all, she knew the correct and beautiful form of love.
Pure love.
The love her mother had given her.
A love that dedicates everything to the other, a love that would gladly burn oneself for the sake of the other.
She was raised receiving that kind of love.
Thus, it was only natural that her form of love would also be similar.
She had offered half of her soul to that ominous wolf.
To save the one she loved.
Even when that girl named Lien suddenly popped up,
Even when that person named Rubia, who didn’t even hold the captain in reverence, kept getting entangled with him,
And just now.
Even when that nameless slave girl enjoyed the luxury of receiving a new name from the captain while being petted.
She never uttered a word.
She never expressed any dissatisfaction.
Of course, it was all good for Ian.
If she truly cared for Ian, accepting it was the right thing to do. She must never prioritize her feelings over the one she loves.
‘But…’
Then why are these feelings surfacing?
Why do these negative emotions arise?
Every time something like this happens, why does something squirm in her chest? Why does her heart throb so painfully?
She couldn’t fathom it.
‘This is strange.’
She loves Ian.
She definitely does. Then, she should be satisfied as long as he is happy.
Yet, strange thoughts keep creeping into her mind.
Even if she knows she shouldn’t, ugly emotions churn within her.
Hmm…
It was at that moment, while she was deep in such thoughts, she sensed the wolf’s presence after quite a while.
Ah, blood is blood, after all.
The wolf spoke with a meaningful smile.
“Shut up.”
However, Siel didn’t bother questioning the wolf’s cryptic words.
It was only natural.
Right now, she was thinking of Ian.
She was preoccupied with thoughts of her beloved. There was no time for her to listen to the voice of a mere inconsequential being.
But…
If you’re going to grumble, then you shouldn’t have made the contract in the first place, kid.
The wolf remarked with an obnoxious smile.
Did you really think you could offer half of your soul without any price?
There was a reason people were hesitant to offer their souls to demons.
Half a soul.
As long as you don’t cross that line, your soul won’t be bound to the demon after death.
There wouldn’t be any side effects like temporarily losing control of your body to the demon.
However, even so, making a contract with a demon is still generally frowned upon.
Giving up half of your soul means that the demon’s influence on your mind becomes significantly greater.
Especially the higher the rank of that demon, the stronger the influence.
Once you begin to listen to the demon’s whispers, that’s essentially game over.
There’s a reason why top-ranking demons often demand half a soul as compensation.
While the human making the contract might think their soul hasn’t fully transferred yet, it simultaneously allows the demon to almost certainly ensnare the human.
That is the implication behind sacrificing half of your soul.
You should be grateful to me, kid.
“…”
I’m not trying to seduce you because I know. I realize that someday, when that Ian guy is in danger, you’ll offer me anything.
“Shut up.”
She shot back with an icy response.
Nonetheless, the wolf continued to chatter.
In fact, it mentioned that if the captain managed to topple that abominable empire, it would even lend a hand.
Especially if he took down that loathsome emperor, it claimed it would gladly return her soul.
It rambled on with its nonsensical quips.
The wolf, always grinning cheerfully, only got fiercer and louder when discussing the emperor.
It was at that moment when Siel was blocking her ears.
If you so flagrantly ignore me, even I would feel hurt.
As those words echoed, Ian suddenly appeared before Siel.
No, that wasn’t Ian.
That expression, that tone, that gesture.
Siel remembered everything.
She could tell that this was not Ian, but the wolf taking on Ian’s appearance.
In that unsettling situation, Siel’s expression turned colder than ice.
How curious. Half succubus, yet I thought none of your racial instincts remained. But seeing you cling like this, perhaps that’s not the case.
A hybrid of a demon and an elf. The only one of its kind in the world, unpredictable, the wolf smiled once more in Ian’s guise.
“Who are you, pretending to be him?”
Her words were laced with venom.
Yet, the wolf remained unfazed.
You’re oddly obsessed with this person.
As it spoke, the wolf slowly approached Siel.
In that case, why don’t you just take him?
“…”
If you love him so much, you should possess every part of him. With your power, it should be quite possible.
“That’s…”
The stoic girl was showing signs of unease.
A grin crept across the wolf’s face.
Until now, it hadn’t intervened.
It was simply too entertaining to watch how the situation unfolded.
Besides, interfering with this child could invite wrath from that captain.
A being whose true nature even it couldn’t fully grasp.
The wolf didn’t want to turn such a being into a foe.
It was more advantageous to cooperate in achieving mutual goals.
But…
‘Well, a bit of amusement wouldn’t hurt.’
This wasn’t necessarily a wrongful act.
After all, weren’t humans beasts at heart?
By shedding the niceties and embracing their primal instincts, they could find true happiness.
In a way, it could even be called a gift.
Thus, the wolf watched Siel with a sly grin.
In her unstable state,
Just a gentle nudge would awaken her instincts.
What needed to be done was straightforward.
Simply give her a little push.
*
Siel meandered through the mansion’s hallways.
It was midnight.
Moonlight streamed through the windows.
No one else was awake.
Only Siel walked leisurely toward her destination.
Her mind felt hazy.
Just a moment ago, she couldn’t quite recall what she was doing.
She had merely opened her eyes to find herself wandering the corridors.
However, deep inside, she instinctively knew what needed to be done.
Siel moved forward slowly. The headache still hadn’t subsided, but there was no way she could confuse where her beloved was.
Creeeak.
Siel carefully opened the door.
She was met with the sight of a man sleeping soundly.
Ian lay there, completely defenseless.
Siel, as if entranced, climbed onto the bed.
‘What am I doing?’
She struggled to comprehend it.
Why was she engaging in such behavior?
But deep down, she knew exactly what she desired.
She wanted to claim him.
She didn’t want to share him with anyone.
The will of the other didn’t matter.
It didn’t matter what means she had to resort to.
She just wanted to possess everything about him.
She wished for him to look at her, just her.
Those feelings swelled within her.
At that moment, as Siel surrendered to her instincts and reached out to Ian,
Nothing particularly noteworthy happened.
Ian merely smiled softly in his sleep, perhaps because her touch tickled him.
However, Siel stared at that sight, entranced.
‘If I were to go further…’
If she ventured just a bit more,
She could undoubtedly possess this man.
It wasn’t a challenging endeavor.
According to the wolf, while Ian’s soul may hold the upper hand, Siel was superior in terms of strength.
She could subdue him.
She could command him to do anything.
She was capable of making him hers.
But, if she did that, would she still get to see that smile?
If she forced him to smile, he would undoubtedly comply. Ultimately, the outcome would be the same.
Thus, it seemed much more reasonable and convenient to claim him.
Owning him sounded far better.
Yet, despite all that…
‘I don’t want that.’
She felt repulsed by the thought.
It felt wrong.
She had no desire for such a thing.
There was no value in it.
‘I want you to look at me.’
There was no merit in forcing it.
The meaning lay in him looking at her of his own free will.
Therefore,
She couldn’t do this.
“…”
Her dizzy mind began to clear.
Her previously confused heart became defined once more.
She looked at the man before her again. The man sleeping peacefully, blissfully unaware.
“Nah, now I get it. I know what these feelings are about.”
Those peculiar thoughts that had surfaced recently.
She thought she might have malfunctioned.
She contemplated whether something was wrong with her mind.
But the answer was astonishingly simple.
Ridiculously simple.
It seemed she was greedier than she had realized.
Just giving love like her mother wouldn’t suffice for her.
Thus, after all…
“I think I want to be loved by you.”
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