Chapter 92
“Waaah!”
The loud cry jolted me awake.
‘What the…’
I looked down at the chaotic room with my translucent body. It hit me instantly—this was a scene from my past.
“Waaah!”
There I was, bawling my eyes out in a crib in the corner of the living room. What a disaster! The house was a complete mess. Clothes were strewn all over the living room sofa, and black smoke was curling up from the kitchen connected to the living room.
“Oh no! Baby!”
Finally, my mom came rushing in from the kitchen like she was on fire.
“Ack!”
Thud!
She tripped on the clothes scattered on the floor and went tumbling down, rubbing the back of her head while giving a silly grin.
“Waaah!”
Meanwhile, baby me was still crying like it was the end of the world.
‘Oh boy, I was in total panic back then.’
The smell of something burning filled the air, I could hear my mom’s occasional screams, the sound of a drill going off, and some weird noise like “Kweeek” (thanks, Mom’s cooking).
‘Getting used to all this was tough at first, but looking back now, it’s actually kind of nostalgic.’
For someone like me, who lived in a normal world, the gag world was like stepping into an alien planet. It felt like a place inhabited only by crazies.
Now I can laugh about it, but I really struggled until middle school, sometimes even thinking about wanting to die. But the gag world is not a place where you can just choose to kick the bucket at will.
To survive, I had to accept this bizarre world.
‘Man, if only I’d accepted it sooner, it would’ve been a walk in the park.’
The moment I decided to roll with it, everything felt normal—as if by magic! I mean, I started seeing everything as par for the course.
People’s lives being treated like toys? Horrific events happening left and right? Just a day in the life here!
Of course, unlike the original gag world residents, I was aware of the ‘weirdness’ surrounding me. Without that awareness, I wouldn’t have managed to fit into a darker fantasy world.
‘But why am I having this dream?’
While I was zoning out, watching my past self cry, suddenly a song floated in from somewhere.
Jjang ~ Jjajjang~ Jjajjajjang ~
It was like someone was trying to mimic a guitar with their mouth, and the sound grew louder. My eyes turned to where the noise was coming from.
Jjakang ~ Jjakangjjakangjjajjang!
The sound was coming from the TV mounted on the living room wall. On its blindingly white screen, a silhouette no bigger than a finger was dancing around. It looked like some distant video of a person.
‘Huh? It’s getting bigger!’
The silhouette that was as tiny as my pinky started getting closer. And with it, the cheerful tune got louder.
‘Wait a minute, that…!’
As the silhouette got close enough for me to see its face, the reason for this crazy dream dawned on me.
Jjakang ~ Jjagyakang!
It was a figure dressed in a maid outfit you’d probably see in a maid café, complete with perky cat ears and a tail, holding gloves that resembled kitty paw pads. It was flailing its arms and acting all cat-like.
If the god of the gag world popped up, nothing happening around would seem out of the ordinary.
Jjajjajjang! Jjajjjajjang!
The god of the gag world grew bigger on the screen. Predictably, he then jumped out of the screen and strutted into the living room, striking a ridiculous dance pose.
“Ah! It’s burning!”
Ignoring the antics of the gag world god, Mom dashed into the chaotic kitchen.
“Hmph, I have arrived!”
Once the dance fiasco ended, the god flipped his black hair back dramatically and began imitating some bizarre lady.
“Ooh…”
Baby me finally stopped crying upon witnessing this godly entrance. The god of the gag world approached my crib and peered down at me.
“Hmph, hmph. So this is how you’re born.”
He tried to sound cool looking down at me. Watching from above, I just wanted to yell at him.
‘How come I don’t remember this at all?!’
I know memories warp with age, but there’s no way I’d forget seeing a god!
“I like you, so I’ll make a contract with you.”
He chuckled and showed me the back of his hand, which had a geometric magic circle that looked suspiciously like a temporary tattoo sticker.
‘Isn’t that a line from ‘Contractor of the Girl’?’
Seeing a god spouting famous anime quotes at a newborn made me want to roll my eyes in disbelief.
‘What’s your deal with a baby reincarnator?!’
Before I could even process that thought,
Splat.
The palm he was holding out split open.
Splat! Gush!
Blood started pouring out and, naturally, flowed straight into my baby mouth.
‘What in the world is happening to this baby?!’
I wanted to scream at the god for this madness, but being a mere observer, I couldn’t say a thing.
“Cough!”
As baby me coughed from the sudden influx of blood, the god made a “this isn’t right” face. I wanted to slap him silly.
“Hmm, ahem. I shall bestow mercy upon you!”
The god threw out another line I’d heard somewhere and snapped his fingers. A baby bottle descended from the air. He filled it with his blood and offered it to me.
Suckle, suckle!
I had no idea what it tasted like, but baby me started sucking that blood with a dazed face like it was the best thing ever.
“Hohoho! Our contract is complete!”
Watching the god laugh in such a ridiculous manner made me want to smack my forehead.
‘What did you even just feed me? And how on earth could you feed that to a baby…’
“Of course, it’s fine ~”
Gasp. Just when I thought my brain was mushing up, the god locked his gaze on me.
“Now wake up, meow!”
As soon as those words hit my ears, my vision stretched like taffy. Before I knew it, everything faded to black.
*
“Ah…”
I opened my eyes to see a familiar ceiling. It was my windowless room, where I’d spent the last three years.
‘Did I just have a whack-a-doodle dream? You know, like a god feeding me his blood like some weirdo.’
Was it just a typical gag world nightmare, a good dream for tasting divine blood, or a bad omen because a god appeared? I honestly couldn’t tell.
‘Let’s just label it as silly nonsense.’
With that thought, I pushed myself up. Nobody was in the room.
‘How long did I even sleep?’
As I moved to shift my position,
Clank.
“…?”
I heard an odd metallic sound. It came from under my blanket. Lifting the blanket, I realized I had shackles clamped around my ankles.
“Huh..? Did I get captured by the enemy?”
But this was my room! I was lying on a comfy bed! Just then, a million thoughts crashed into my brain.
Bang!
The door burst open with an earth-shattering bang. Startled, I turned to see Noah, her face as white as a ghost.
“L-Lian…”
Noah called my name with a shaky voice and rushed towards me like a runaway train, not slowing down even a little as she plowed into me.
Thud!
“Oof!”
“Lian, Lian…”
Usually, when a same-gender buddy comes barreling towards me like this, I instinctively shove them away, but oddly, I couldn’t bring myself to do that with Noah. Maybe it’s because she has looks that could drop jaws? Or is this just the ingrained psyche of someone from the lower class kicking in?
Whatever the reason, my body froze up like a deer in headlights.
“Oppa!”
“Master!”
While I was lost in thought, other folks began to show up.
“I’m so glad everyone’s okay…”
Murmuring in relief, I felt Noah’s arms tighten around my shoulders.
Creak.
‘Huh…? Did I just hear someone grinding their teeth?’
Before I could dive deeper into that thought, Noah pushed my shoulders back. Her eyes were red, and her brows were scrunched up tightly.
*
“You…! Do you have any idea how horrible you looked when you collapsed? You almost died! You had a gaping hole in your stomach, bleeding like a fountain!”
Noah’s quivering voice was saturated with resentment, anger, guilt, and worry.
“You almost kicked the bucket! Shouldn’t you at least check if you’re okay?!”
When Noah found Lian, he had fainted for a particular reason, causing the cursed sword to get unsummoned. This revealed the wounds hidden by his clothes, and blood had gushed out like a busted pipe.
By the time Noah ran to hug him, the floor was practically soaked in blood. Even applying pressure with her hands couldn’t stem the flow.
“No, no…”
With lips blue as ice from being thrown into a snowy mountain, she trembled as she pressed her hands against the wound; but the blood kept flowing. Using both her and Lian’s clothes to staunch the flow was futile; the blood just kept soaking them red.
Shaking with fear, Noah began her journey back to the base, holding on to hope that Lian’s breath hadn’t fully given out.
Striding along the path paved with Lian’s blood, Noah gasped for air.
Like fish dragged out of water, she felt like she could stop breathing any second now. Her vision turned yellow and hazy. The metallic scent of blood numbed her nose, and a sweet taste wafted up from her throat.
Compared to the weights she normally trained with, Lian felt as light as a feather, yet it felt like she was carrying a mountain on her back.
A human cannot survive losing this much blood.
The common sense hammered into her mind whispered that this path only led to despair.
Her memories after arriving at the base were a blur. The smell of blood, screams, and cries echoed around her.
All that she could register through the fog was the faint sound of Lian’s breath.
He’s going to die. She knew it.
As the sky darkened, thoughts like that swirled in her mind. But then, a miracle occurred. Thanks to magical tools and potions, Lian’s wounds healed quickly, and his breathing stabilized.
But there was no relief in sight for anyone.
What if he suddenly dies today? What if he suddenly stops breathing tomorrow?
Everyone who cared for him, including Noah, spent the night wide awake. Three days passed before Lian finally opened his eyes.
As soon as the magical tools in the room activated, Noah sprinted over to Lian’s room. The sight of him sitting up, staring at her, made tears well up in her eyes.
“I’m glad everyone’s okay…”
But those were the first words Lian uttered after waking up, enough to push Noah over the edge of fury.
End of Chapter.
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