Chapter 7

Chapter 7 – It’s Alright to Get Hurt in the World of Gags (1)

In the typical gag world, it was only natural for a giant dog or a person to charge in and knock someone over, causing them to spit blood and collapse. Because of that, I wasn’t really that flustered. I just casually wiped the corner of my mouth and said,
“Wow, this strength… must be from the meat in the soup, huh? Hahaha.”
“Are you joking right now?!”
“N-No! Bro… you can’t die… Waaaaah!”

Before I knew it, Noah came over and wiped my mouth with his sleeve. Nero was hanging onto my waist with tears in his eyes. I waved my hand lightly and said,
“No, it’s really nothing serious–”
“How can this not be serious?!”

Noah shouted with a serious look on his face. I flinched and replied,
“Um… I’ll be fine soon. Really, I’m okay.”
“You…”

Noah bit her lip and glared at me. What? What’s going on? Did I do something really wrong?
“Waaah…”
“Huh? Nero’s not dying. It’s really okay!”

As I tried to comfort the crying kid, I climbed the stairs and pulled out a cookie wrapped in paper from my pocket that I had planned to eat.
“Here, eat something sweet and calm down–”
Swish, crunch.

Just as I felt a gust of wind, the cookie in my hand vanished.
“Uh..?”

Turning my head, I saw a red-haired girl happily chomping on my cookie while looking at me.
“Tasty.”
“Uh… that was mine..?”
“Very tasty.”
“Um… thanks?”

The girl, about half my size, swooped in like a little bird and hugged my head tight. No… she clung to me!
“Ow! Wait a minute!”
“The one who gives yummy things! Master!”
“What? What master?”
“My master!”

Every time the girl talked, cookie crumbs fell on my head. I tried to pull her off by grabbing her waist, but she wouldn’t budge. Nero and Noah tried to help, but the girl growled at them, making it impossible to assist.
“If you don’t let go, preparing lunch later is going to be tough—”
Swish!

Before I could finish, she let go all of a sudden.
“Stay here quietly. Then I’ll bring you more meat soup later.”

The girl nodded like she was on a sugar high. Suddenly, animal ears popped up on her head. A red tail burst out from beneath her long skirt, swishing around like it was having a blast.
‘She liked the soup last time, but today’s even more dramatic.’

I chuckled with a strange sense of pride as I exited the prison.
Clang.

I locked the door and spoke to the kids inside the jail.
“We don’t know what might happen, so never come out. If you hear loud noises, hide in a corner, got it? I’ll try my best to keep them away…”

As I trailed off, I thought of Lania, who had collapsed after getting hit by a floating celestial object. She should’ve woken up by now.
The kids’ faces hardened as they thought of Lania, but Rian didn’t notice.
‘Maybe if I bake some more cookies, they’ll stay calm? No, getting ambushed might be quicker.’

With those thoughts, I went up the staircase.
Creeeak.

I cautiously opened the door leading to the underground prison and peeked outside. Thankfully, Lania was nowhere to be found.
“Maybe she went back?”
“Who went back?”
“Aah!”

Startled by the voice close to my ear, I kicked the door and rolled forward.
“Clever little runner, huh?”
“That, that’s because…”
“Huh, running from me just to end up here? What? Got some treasure hidden away?”

Lania peeked into the staircase leading underground. Odil wasn’t exactly rolling in riches, so the underground was pretty small. If you tilted your head just right, you could see the underground prison. I quickly stood up, shoved Lania slightly aside, and exclaimed,
“There’s nothing, nothing at all!”
“You were scared before. Is there something so precious down here that you want to protect?”

I didn’t answer and simply slammed the door shut.
“All that’s down here are Lord Odil’s test subjects. With him out right now, a riot could happen at any moment, so I’m just being careful!”

I spun a believable excuse to keep her from getting curious about the kids.
“Even with me here?”
“Are you planning to stay the whole time?”
“No.”

Lania shrugged and replied. I tried to persuade her,
“Well, we don’t know when Lord Odil will be back, but it’s better not to poke the test subjects until he returns, right?”
“You think there are test subjects interesting enough to be treated with that much caution?”
“No, that’s not it… just that… um…”

I rubbed my neck and continued,
“Even with normal test subjects, there aren’t many I can handle.”
“Hmm, I guess.”

She scanned me up and down and nodded. Even though there were just kids in prison, test subjects could range from adults to toddlers, so she easily believed that I, looking about 13 years old, couldn’t handle them.
“But you know… I doubt Odil will return.”
“Why do you say that?”
“I can tell because I’m a dark mage too. Normally, a dark mage’s lab should have certain items, but there’s nothing here.”
“That means…”
“All of you have been abandoned here! Hahaha! Soon enough, you’ll all be dragged off by slave traders!”

Lania laughed, tears streaming down her face as if this was the funniest show on earth. I grabbed my head and fell to my knees, hammering my forehead into the floor.
“That can’t be!”

While I lay there in despair, a shadow fell over me. I looked up with teary eyes, only to find Lania squatting in front of me, twirling her hair with her finger.
“Scared? Want to come with me? I’ll take real good care of you.”
“Eek!”

If I didn’t know who she was, maybe it wouldn’t matter, but this was Lania, known as the “Crazy Woman” among the Four Heavenly Kings. She was interested in me now, behaving this way, but if I even slightly upset her, I could end up in pieces.
‘Putting myself back together is gonna be such a pain!’

If I managed to do it only to pop back out intact, she’d surely think it was even more interesting and use me as her personal punching bag. Just the thought of it made my stomach churn.
“No, it’s okay. I’m a loyal servant of Lord Odil…”
“Calling yourself that just makes me more curious.”

A dark shadow fell over her face.
She grabbed my shoulder and leaned her face close to mine.
“What part of you is worse than Odil?”
“Eek?!”

Just as I tensed up and huddled together,
Thud thud.

The sound of heavy knocking echoed.
Creeeak.

Thanks to the spell Odil had cast, the door that should have been securely shut swung open easily. I stood there, tears flowing, thinking,
‘Odil really did run away… after I fed him such tasty food too…’

As I wallowed in betrayal, the door opened to reveal a woman with navy-blue short hair. The first thing that caught my eye was the corset tightening below her chest.
It didn’t look like those tightly laced corsets noble ladies wore in movies designed to suffocate you, but rather a garment that highlighted her waist. My gaze wasn’t exactly on the corset; it was drawn to the impressive bust it showcased.
‘Wow…’
“Wow…”

I was so mesmerized and shocked by the sight that I completely spaced out. Then my eyes drifted to her legs. The pants that connected to the corset made her already long legs look even longer and slender. While I was busy fawning, Lania’s expression turned sour as if she just encountered something annoying.
“Ugh.”

When Lania stood up, she let go of me, causing me to fall with a thud on the floor. Lania walked past me toward the girl and said,
“Mia, what are you doing here?”
“Ha… shouldn’t that be my question? Master.”

Mia, with her large round glasses blocking half her face, pushed them up with her index finger, frowning. The thin silver frames sparkled as they caught the light.
“Master, you’re one of the Four Heavenly Kings. Leaving your post so carelessly—”
“Ah, I don’t want to hear it! I only listen to the Demon Lord!”
“Ha…”

She sighed and tapped the floor with the wooden staff she held in one hand. Mia’s staff was at least my height, a wild branch wrapping around a round bead that throbbed ominously in dark red. It looked obviously foreboding.
“When do you plan to go back?”
“Uh, actually, the person I was supposed to meet today ran away—”
“Then why not head back now?”
“Well, that’s a bit of a pickle, you know?”

Lania pointed at me with her thumb.
“This kid doesn’t have a place to go.”
“…?”

Mia’s face was clearly contemplating ‘What on earth is the problem?’ She quickly followed up with a short “Ah,” lifting her staff.
“Does that mean he needs to be dealt with?”

At the tip of her staff, ominous dark red flames began to flicker to life.