Episode 198
From the small balcony, smoke floated up towards the sky.
As it added a touch of gray to the hazy sky, I continued my thoughts.
“Is it break time?”
“…Seo Soo-yeon, is that you?”
Seo Soo-yeon stepped onto the balcony, pulled out an electronic cigarette, and blew smoke into the air just like I did.
“Didn’t you quit?”
“I thought you might be bored smoking alone.”
“…I wouldn’t say that, but I appreciate the sentiment.”
Exuding a sweet strawberry scent, Seo Soo-yeon asked, “Are you having some worries?”
“I live with worries constantly. It’s my habit to wallow in self-pity.”
“Are you worried about the kids?”
“….”
In truth, it wasn’t something to be treated lightly anymore.
I gazed at the cloudy sky with cloudy eyes and calmly said, “I’ve come to realize the stark reality that my time with the Girl Revolution kids can’t go on much longer.”
“Is that thought coming up because the contract’s end is approaching?”
“Exactly. I used to think re-signing was a given, but now I’ve realized that might not be what the kids want.”
Idols have a short lifespan. Yet, the fact that we’ve managed to stay active for seven years could be seen as a remarkable achievement.
Still, I hadn’t acknowledged that objective realization; I had simply kept my eyes on the next step.
Lately, all my actions were just for the next step.
“To be honest, putting so much effort into the concert was also because I wanted to impress the kids. I wanted to show that our TwoBear, though small in scale, isn’t a shabby agency—it was a sort of flattery.”
“….”
“So, begging for a re-contract… no, pleading for it to be seen positively. Yes, it was pleading.”
Seo Soo-yeon turned off her electronic cigarette and looked at the sky like I did.
And then she said, “So that was the reason behind your recent risky approach.”
“…What do you mean by risky approach?”
“Sabers, 2SE, Director Park Kang-chan, actress Yeom Kyung-woo, the reality show ‘Girl War’, those sorts of things.”
“….”
All were instances where I had endured criticism for engaging in unethical behavior to meet the demands of quests.
“I tried my best not to get caught, but it seems everything’s been revealed.”
“Don’t be discouraged. If I hadn’t heard it from President Cheon, I wouldn’t have known either.”
“Haha… that’s comforting.”
Seo Soo-yeon said politely as she watched me laugh helplessly.
“Everything was effective. As the one overseeing finance, I can assure you. Team Leader Seon’s actions have brought tremendous benefits to the group called Girl Revolution. However… I find it hard to understand why Team Leader Seon bears such risks and responsibilities alone. Her accomplishments are already outstanding, and no one would deny that.”
“It was somewhat like an obsession.”
“An obsession?”
“Yes, at that moment, I thought that if I didn’t choose the option that provided the best benefit for the kids, there would be no reason for them to stay at TwoBear, or for me to remain as their manager.”
Yuri, Gaeul, Gyeoul, and Yeoreum are all kids with top-notch talent.
They’re kids who could excel anywhere and are capable professionals.
That’s why they always needed me… no, it was always me they needed.
“So, I chose only the best from what I could. I didn’t consider how it would affect me. I believed that the minimum qualification to stand next to the best idol, Girl Revolution, came from that. But recently, I’ve been thinking that it might just be my greed.”
“…Why is that?”
“Because the kids might want to stop being idols.”
Re-contracting and repeated success.
The growing fandom of Girl Revolution.
A model case of longevity in idols.
That’s what I hoped for.
Not for the kids… but for ‘me.’
“I might have excessively expected that the kids would continue their activities. The time spent in front of the public being evaluated, as Girl Revolution, might have been closer to pain. Negative comments, scandals, harsh standards, meals, entertainment, leisure—suppressing and managing all the things we take for granted. …What else could pain be if this isn’t it?”
No matter how gently TwoBear might loosen the reins and respect individual autonomy, an agency is still an agency. It had oppressed them enough to seem justifiable from a general perspective. After all, that’s what being a professional means.
“So, asking those kids to stay together next time made me realize that my desire to continue being their manager at TwoBear might be one-sided and self-righteous… or rather, it’s highly likely that it is.”
“I suddenly recognized that it might be the wind… or rather, that the likelihood of it being so is quite high.”
“Is that what’s troubling you?”
“More than being troubled, it’s lingering feelings. The answer has already revealed itself.”
“What answer did you come up with?”
“Letting go.”
Maybe it’s time to stop acting as the manager in front of those kids.
At some point, I became not a pillar they could lean on, but a burden they couldn’t shake off.
Seo Soo-yeon calmly spoke as she watched me lay out my unfiltered thoughts.
“The kids definitely love idols. I guarantee that as someone who has watched them even longer than Team Leader Seon. That won’t change.”
“….”
“Even so, if you still have doubts, instead of risking the chance of being hated by the kids, you should just do what you do best, Team Leader Seon.”
“….What is it that I do well?”
Images of being pathetic, waiting for attention, and putting on a facade populated my mind.
Seeing that, Seo Soo-yeon said as if it was obvious,
“Making the kids fall in love with idols.”
It felt like my heart dropped and stopped.
“…Did I really do something like that?”
“Yes, from the beginning until now, always.”
“That can’t be….”
“I said I guarantee that the kids love idols, right? That’s precisely because of you, Team Leader Seon.”
Master of the poker face, Seo Soo-yeon broke her relentless expression and smiled sweetly.
“You taught the kids about love.”
*
There were far too many elements that could topple this precariously swaying team called Girl Revolution.
Yet, all I could do was hope.
That I could share more days with these kids under the name of Girl Revolution.
Seo Soo-yeon’s words felt ambiguous.
It felt distant to grasp how to do it or how I had done it.
However, thanks to her words, what I needed to do felt a little clearer now.
It’s nothing grand.
I will do my best for the kids.
From the past until now, and continuing on.
That was all.
And so, the day of the last concert before the contract renewal for Girl Revolution dawned.
*
“Wow, it’s Team Leader Seon!”
“Fool, now we should call you Team Leader Seon, right?”
“That’s kind of the same thing.”
“You really don’t know anything. Let me just tell you the salary difference.”
“Honestly, this guy has no idea what he’s talking about. Let me break down the salary difference for you.”
“…Sorry for being rude, Team Leader Seon.”
I sent the kids who were buzzing around yelling Team Leader Seon’s name to the VIP seats.
“Um, Team Leader Seon, where should we go?”
“Oh, I’ll guide you to your seats. …Chan-seong, can you help these folks out?”
“Yes, understood.”
As I focused on my work after sending the invited guests off, someone approached me.
“Uh, Team Leader Seon.”
I turned, feeling puzzled by the voice that sounded familiar but definitely wasn’t from an employee.
She wore a girl crush-style stage outfit, a light parka over it, ash-toned dyed hair, and had a sharp gaze that could come off as somewhat intimidating.
The main vocalist of Alcest, the rival of Girl Revolution, crafted by Cheon Jong-hoon.
And the culprit who bullied Gyeoul, Yoon Jeong.
Suppressing the rising animosity, I replied flatly.
“The waiting room is just around the back and straight to the right. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m busy…”
“No, that’s not it…”
Yoon Jeong hesitated, glancing around as if she had something to say, quite unlike her usual bold and snappy self.
Thanks to Cheon Jong-hoon’s kind suggestion, Alcest, whose fandom wasn’t on good terms with us, ended up being the guests for the concert, and I had to show some gratitude, but considering her history of bullying Gyeoul, I couldn’t see her in a positive light and didn’t wait for her to finish.
“If you have nothing to say, I’ll be going now.”
“I… I understand why you’re uncomfortable, but just let me talk for a moment. The reason I’m here as a guest, aside from Seo-ah unnie, is because I persuaded everyone.”
“…”
That was quite an unexpected statement. Remembering how she burst into SS and caused chaos while threatening us, I figured Yoon Jeong would have rejected it outright.
Images of Gyeoul from seven years ago flashed in my mind, stirring up some disgust, but it didn’t seem right to ignore her when she was being so earnest, so I nodded for her to continue.
“So, the thing is…”
Yoon Jeong stammered awkwardly before seemingly making up her mind, pulling out a signed piece of fan merchandise and my plush toy from the last fan meeting.
“I’m a fan of Team Leader Seon!”
“…”
What the hell is this?
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