Chapter 103
Seo Eunbyeol grew up under her mother, who worked at a karaoke bar.
Her mother didn’t provide her with proper education, sending her to kindergarten or daycare was far from the agenda. Instead, it was a daily routine to plop her down in the dingy waiting room of the karaoke bar while she was busy with work. It’s safe to say this wasn’t exactly good for a child’s emotional well-being.
Meals consisted of cold Chinese takeout or leftover dry snacks and fruits. As for clothes, they were just tossed at her—raggedy t-shirts who knows where they came from. Naturally, the little girl had no toys or dolls to play with, just wishful thinking.
Once, a customer, while attempting to win a plush toy from a claw machine while tipsy, left behind a faded penguin toy. But honestly, that didn’t quite cut it as a proper toy in her eyes.
Objectively, it was hard to consider Seo Eunbyeol’s mother as a good parent.
Yet, surprisingly, Eunbyeol and her mother shared a pretty good relationship.
She may sometimes seem irresponsible and childish, but her mother always kept a cheerful outlook and taught her how to smile, and Eunbyeol adored her for it.
Eunbyeol wished to become someone like her mother. Her mother, sensing her daughter’s profound affections even amidst her shortcomings, vowed not to be a violent or fearsome figure. That bond made their lives bearable.
“Eunbyeol.”
“Yeah? Mom, what’s up?”
“Do you have a dream?”
As her mother munched on nuts and downed some soju, the question felt vague to Eunbyeol.
“…I don’t know. Is it necessary to have a dream?”
Watching her daughter furrow her brows in thought, her mother affectionately ruffled her hair.
“Ugh, why?!”
“Because you’re cute, silly.”
“I am cute!”
Her mother, grinning at Eunbyeol’s sudden display of charm, spoke earnestly filled with complex feelings.
“I wanted to be a singer.”
“You, a singer? That suits you! …But why didn’t you?”
To her daughter’s innocent query, her mother wiped away the dusty feelings of regret and despair and responded brightly.
“There are many reasons. First off, I might not have had the ability. Maybe I was unlucky, or perhaps I just didn’t try hard enough. Honestly, it’s tough to sum it all up.”
“…That’s hard.”
“Hehe, yeah, it’s hard for me too.”
Her mother gazed out at the moon streaming through the small basement window. It looked wistful, prompting young Eunbyeol to speak up.
“I think it’s okay if I don’t have a dream. I’m happy right now.”
“But still, try to at least entertain a dream. If you have one, you could be even happier than you are now. I was really happy when I was chasing my dream, you know.”
“…Aren’t you happy now, Mom?”
At Eunbyeol’s question, her mother ruffled her hair again and replied.
“I am happy, and that’s because you give me a new dream. I want to earn money diligently, get out of this stinky basement, eat all the tasty food, and buy expensive stuff like there’s no tomorrow!”
“That sounds fun!”
“Right?”
Both burst into laughter.
“Anyway, just dream of something—anything! That’s how people move forward toward happiness.”
Eunbyeol, knitting her brow in thought from her mother’s words, replied spiritedly.
“I want to be a singer, just like you!”
“Hey, being a solo female singer in this industry is super hard. Just look at music broadcasts—how many solo female singers do you see? Not many, right? Only that tiny handful can actually make it.”
“But you told me to dream…”
“Well, I’ve been there, so I’m just sharing my wisdom,” her mother said, jokingly.
Still considering, Eunbyeol glanced sideways and said.
“Then… how about an idol?”
“Hehehe, okay, you’ve leveled up a bit. I think ‘Idol Seo Eunbyeol’ has a nice ring to it.”
“Great! From now on, my dream is to be an idol!”
Seizing the moment, Eunbyeol imitated the sexy dance moves of the older girls performing at the karaoke bar. It was a dance utterly inappropriate for a kindergartner in every emotional and educational sense, but the sole audience—her mother—cheered and clapped with glee.
And that was the spark that ignited Seo Eunbyeol’s dream of becoming an idol.
*
Time passed, and Seo Eunbyeol became a middle school student.
After navigating countless difficulties, both she and her mother successfully paid off all their debts.
I succeeded in repaying the two.
It was around that time when a man claiming to be Seo Eunbyeol’s father appeared.
“I’m really, really sorry.”
As soon as he saw their faces, he knelt down and apologized.
It looked like a sincere apology, but recalling how he had run away and left young Seo Eunbyeol with nothing but debts made his response almost shameless.
Seo Eunbyeol’s mother, who had every right to be furious, was enraged.
“Hey, you bastard! Is just saying sorry enough?”
Even after clearly being rejected, her father would show up, offering snacks and then running away again. It happened so often that her mother was too exhausted to get angrier.
As he had said, Seo Eunbyeol’s father wanted to show a changed image. He worked at a construction site and spent the money he earned on her and her mother. This continued until Seo Eunbyeol was old enough to enter high school.
When it started to feel like routine, her mother seemed to be touched by his attitude, eventually becoming less angry upon seeing him.
Seo Eunbyeol was glad about that. It felt like the family she had longed for was finally coming together.
Their lives were still difficult, no doubt about that. But Seo Eunbyeol didn’t feel worried or think they were lacking. Rather, she was excited about how much further they could go tomorrow.
Her mother was right. She felt regretful about closing her eyes for the night and happiness at opening them in the morning. Seo Eunbyeol was dreaming.
“What if we open a store?”
Her mother, initially skeptical of Seo Eunbyeol’s father’s suggestion, seriously considered it after persistent persuasion and was drawn by the idea of supporting their daughter stably, agreeing to take the plunge. They combined the money her mother had saved for Seo Eunbyeol with the money her father had saved and signed a lease, ordering equipment and decorations. Throughout this process, her father took the initiative, just like he had when he returned. Things were progressing systematically.
Well, it looked like they were progressing.
“…Hey, they just called saying the deposit hasn’t been paid! Didn’t we already pay?”
There was no response.
In the happiest moment, it became fatally tragic.
The betrayal came at the moment when the fall was too high to endure, suddenly eroding the trust that had been so carefully built.
*
It only took a day for the happiness that Seo Eunbyeol and her mother had built over the years to collapse.
Even years afterward, the two still couldn’t fill the gap left by that one day.
“I’ll do whatever it takes to make sure you can keep being a trainee, Eunbyeol. Just focus on your dreams and don’t worry about anything else.”
Still, her mother didn’t give up on dreaming.
Strong and tenacious, she acted as if she could just rebuild the sandcastle if it fell apart. Instead of collapsing in despair, she chose to rise again.
Since her father’s betrayal, Seo Eunbyeol first thought life was hard. She felt the temptation to let something go for the first time. But, fearing the betrayal of her mother’s dedication even more, she chose to endure.
She silently endured the harsh training at Flower Entertainment.
She followed the trainer’s orders to pour every moment into practice, except for meals and sleep.
Even when one of the executives at Flower cast an uncomfortable glance and gave an unpleasant pat of encouragement, she pretended not to notice.
“This debut line-up includes Do Soeyoung, Cheon Sohee, Lee Miseong, and Kim Minji.”
However, this did not lead to results.
No, there were certainly results. Seo Eunbyeol was able to hit higher notes cleanly, her emotive techniques had improved, she could execute waves more flexibly, and she mastered powerful popping moves. But it wasn’t enough.
That was the only reason she didn’t make the debut group.
Only four members could join the debut line-up that Flower was preparing this time. Thus, the evaluations had to be relative. According to that relative benchmark, the efforts placed fifth or sixth became meaningless.
Now she had two choices left.
Either leave Flower and seek a new path or stay and maintain her trainee life.
While she hesitated and couldn’t make a clear choice about that question, others began to make their own choices.
“Eunbyeol, I’m leaving.”
“…Are you really going to leave?”
“Well, what can I do? They’re already debuting a girl group, so Flower won’t plan a new rookie group in the next 2-3 years. By then, I’ll be older and more likely to fall behind in the competition. …This debut line-up was my last chance.”
“Then what will you do after leaving Flower?”
“I don’t know.”
“…Huh?”
Seo Eunbyeol was caught off guard when the senior trainee who was eliminated from the debut team said to her.
“Still, if you stay here, you won’t have a future.”
“….”
“I hope you make a choice for your own future.”
Eunbyeol couldn’t stop the departing senior trainee. She couldn’t even follow the retreating figure.
While Eunbyeol hesitated at the crossroads of choice, her mother seemed to ask, “Why are you worrying about that?”
“You just dream, and I’ll take care of the rest.”
True to her words, Eunbyeol’s mother worked tirelessly to ensure that the wounds from another betrayal didn’t seep into her life. Indeed, Eunbyeol was able to continue her trainee life.
Eunbyeol felt thankful for her mother’s dedication. She also felt it was too much. However, as time passed, something else began to weigh on her heart more than those feelings.
Her mother hadn’t smiled for quite some time.
Not even that smile she’d kept burning bright through the brothels and cramped rooms.
In front of that mother, Eunbyeol couldn’t bring herself to say she would quit being a trainee.
So, she stayed with Flower.
She began to endure once more.
Even when others gave up during the grueling schedule, and most kids decided to roll the dice at dawn, she silently persevered as she always had.
“The selected members of this debut team are…”
And a few years later, when the debut team was selected again, her name was not on the list.
Eunbyeol had failed once more.
With her head bowed low, facing the results in disbelief, a trainer said to her,
“Maybe you can stay here longer. But I won’t recommend it. …Eunbyeol, you lack talent. Just give up and find something else.”
She asked the trainer, devoid of negative feelings like resentment, but purely out of curiosity,
“If I lack talent, then why have I been here for so long? And why tell me I could stay?”
“When you first came in, we thought you had talent. You’re still here because one of the directors really likes you.”
“Which director and why?”
The trainer looked down at Eunbyeol as if asking why she feigned ignorance.
“You can’t possibly not know?”
“…Huh?”
“Don’t you know Director Kim?”
At that, Eunbyeol realized. The one who cast glances and gestures her way, making Flower feel like a more painful place, was Director Kim.
“…So that’s the reason.”
“….”
Ironically, the reason she could stay here wasn’t bone-crushing effort or hidden talents; it was simply because she endured.
Knowing that, she didn’t shed tears, get angry, or despair.
She just felt a sort of resignation and acknowledgment. No, there was even a tinge of relief. With the hope that it was all finally over, it felt refreshing to her, who was utterly exhausted.
“Mom, I’m quitting being a trainee.”
“…What do you mean?”
“I didn’t make it in the final test for this debut team. I’m sorry.”
“….”
“Thank you so much for supporting me all this time. I’m embarrassed, but I want to repay that kindness with my efforts. But it seems my talent was lacking. I’m really sorry.”
“….”
“I think I’ve dreamed enough. I’m satisfied. I was happy. So now, I want to support you instead of being someone who benefits from your sacrifices. I’ll start a simple part-time job from tomorrow. I interviewed today, and they asked me to start tomorrow. I know I might not seem reliable, but I’ll slowly become an adult, just like you.”
Seo Eunbyeol conveyed her sincerity purely. However, her mother didn’t respond. She simply lowered her head and breathed quietly.
“…Mom?”
After a long silence, her mother raised her weary face and said,
“You just have to dream.”
“…Huh?”
“You just have to dream!”
Seo Eunbyeol’s mother gripped her tightly.
Those hands, which looked old, tired, and frail, were filled with strength. Enough strength to be considered painful.
But Eunbyeol couldn’t focus on that pain at all.
What she perceived was only the beginning of her life, and her mother at this moment.
“You have to chase your dreams. So, you must be happy! …Then, what I’ve done, our lives will have meaning!”
“I have to do it! …That’s how my work, my life, has meaning!”
Saying that, her mother smiled. No, she tried her best to lift the corners of her mouth to look like she was smiling.
“Please don’t crush my dream.”
Desperately, trying to look pitiful.
“…”
In front of her like that, Seo Eunbyeol couldn’t bring herself to say she would give up being a trainee, being an idol.
That day, Seo Eunbyeol ran out to the public restroom outside her house and threw up all day.
*
What was the reason for staying at Flower?
She couldn’t answer why, nor could she explain for what reason she was there. Like some discarded passenger plane that couldn’t be thrown away even after realizing it was wrong from the beginning, she also knew she was wrong, that she should be discarded, yet she couldn’t stop. It felt like she was some poorly born object.
She realized late that chasing a dream didn’t just bring happiness.
A dream could also become a shackle. A shackle that could never be released, even if it rusted and rotted away.
In that realization, Seo Eunbyeol, as she always had, just endured.
Without finding any meaning at all. Because that was all she could do.
It was then that Ban Seong-cheol, the manager, approached her.
“You know it’s impossible to debut like this, right?”
“…And?”
“I have a proposal for you. How would you feel if you could have a chance to debut instead of doing a part-time job?”
“Part-time job?”
“Yeah, it’s a very easy job, almost like a part-time job,”
Ban Seong-cheol explained his plan and what he hoped from her one by one.
He mentioned influential people who were very interested in trainees and what they could offer. He talked about what they could achieve with their collaboration.
He even guaranteed that it was an affair connected to the CEO and many board members, ensuring she could certainly receive the desired compensation. He claimed he could prove it right away.
“You don’t have to feel guilty; this isn’t just about you doing well. With this, Oh Yoori could also make it into Girl 100, and we could connect to give opportunities to Milkyz and the rookie idols debuting this time. There were many kids who looked up to you as the oldest, right? If you follow my words, you’ll be a strength for those juniors. Don’t overthink it. This is for everyone.”
Under his sweet talk, she smiled bitterly and thought.
…That’s a pretty good excuse.
Probably, as Ban Seong-cheol said, everyone would be happy. Oh Yoori, who would get into Girl 100, her mother who would be satisfied watching her achieve her dream, and Ban Seong-cheol himself would all be pleased.
It was just a matter of closing her eyes for a moment.
It wasn’t a big deal. Didn’t her mother experience something like this?
It might be painful for a while, but someday, like her mother did, she would be able to smile again.
She was used to holding on.
“…Should I have held on just a little longer?”
But here she was.
In a narrow, dark storage room, with her eyes covered and her hands and feet tied.
It was the result of not being able to hold on until the end.
While getting dressed in the dressing room for the entertainment, or rather, from the moment she was dragged here, she recalled what Oh Yoori had told her. The dangers of this place, the warnings about Ban Seong-cheol, the influx of gangsters and drugs. And yet, the pure goodwill to endure it all to help her, knowing better than anyone.
She turned a blind eye. She wished to remain uninvolved. However, she hoped Oh Yoori’s feelings weren’t all meaningless. So for the first time since she was born, she didn’t hold on. She refused the entertainment and attempted to escape.
And this was the result.
Ban Seong-cheol was, as Oh Yoori said, …no, he seemed to be someone even more dangerous.
“What will happen to me…? I won’t see anything good, right?”
She felt anxious. Fear made her body tremble.
Facing a despair that had been anticipated, the uncertainty of what was to come felt even more terrifying to Seo Eunbyeol.
To suppress that fear, she took a deep breath, just like what Oh Yoori, the warm-hearted kid, had shown her.
At that moment, she heard the sound of the door opening. Seo Eunbyeol tensed up, her body stiffened, concentrating all her nerves on that sound.
Step, step.
The footsteps stopped right in front of Seo Eunbyeol. Then, the blindfold covering her eyes disappeared, revealing Oh Yoori holding a black taser.
“…Yuri?”
She took Seo Eunbyeol’s hand and said.
“Let’s run!”
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