When I realized that the tower I had painstakingly built was made of sand, what kind of emotion can I possibly describe that feeling?
The culmination of honor and power, the stability I tried to fortify using any means necessary, shattered in an instant.
Just yesterday, there were no signs at all, but once again, my everyday life began to crumble for the same reason.
Betrayal.
I was accused of something I didn’t even do, yet Taylor made no rebuttal whatsoever.
Now I know how this will unfold.
No matter how much I struggle, this death was predetermined from the very beginning.
Not by God, but through the manipulated result orchestrated by Kaitel and Taylor.
“…Why me of all people?”
“You still don’t seem to be accepting reality. You should have lost your tongue by now, considering what you’ve been through.”
I don’t know how much time has passed.
My body is already so damaged that I might not even be able to recover any part of it except my mouth.
On a night when sleep evaded me more than usual, the Crown Prince simply said to me:
If I want to keep Miragen and the child safe, I must give up and follow him.
Only then did I sense that everything had come to an end. I messed up again.
I fought as hard as I could, but ultimately, I realized I never reached the desired goal.
What on earth went wrong?
Even amidst the pain, all I could think about was my obsession with finding something I had missed.
Next round, and in the round after that, I had to move in a different direction.
But can I proceed without excluding Miragen? Somehow… I can’t seem to give that up.
I realized that Miragen had become a part of me.
I also wondered if I could love her the same way in the next life. Perhaps it would be difficult to love exactly the same way.
Unless it was even more love.
“Seeing that you’re no longer responding, have you decided to give up slowly?”
“…If that’s what it is, then so be it. I know well that it was predetermined from the very beginning.”
I had a feeling things weren’t right.
When I was swept up in the accusation of betrayal, it wouldn’t have been strange for the Taylor family to have already been shattered.
Yet, Taylor remained intact. Whether I lived or died.
Nothing changed; Taylor alone maintained its status.
At first, I thought that since I had no position, I preserved what little I had by giving something away.
But now I know it’s not merely that I hold that much of a position in Taylor.
How many things do I possess in Taylor? Can’t I see the issue even when they have no problem with the accusation of betrayal?
“What did you give him to hand me over? I didn’t think Taylor wanted anything that much.”
“I don’t need to tell you that. Right? After all, I’m talking to a notorious criminal right now.”
Tap, tap.
Kaitel chuckled while patting my shoulder, but when our eyes met, he sighed for a moment and rubbed his cheek.
All my other senses had dulled, but my eyes were still full of life. With all the magical power burning in my gaze, something resonated within me, causing my body to tremble, and at that moment, Kaitel’s eyes began to turn red.
“…Tch. Useless words.”
He muttered something to himself and stepped back behind the bars.
Was his head hurting? After shaking his head a few times, he touched his forehead and continued speaking.
Was the brief flash of red light just an illusion? His eyes, which had regained their original golden hue, felt slightly colder.
“I figured you had an inkling. If you hadn’t noticed anything until now, you’d have to be a fool. I think I expected this since tidying up the North… Did I get it wrong?”
“You gave me plenty of hints. I prepared myself, but it seems I was mistaken.”
“If you wanted to grill someone, you should’ve cooked me instead of Miragen or Taylor. Just thinking about crawling into the Imperial Family and building my own power… how dangerous that must feel.”
“…You knew I wouldn’t be a threat.”
“Sorry about that.”
With a sardonic smile, Kaitel leaned forward and casually reached out to tousle my hair before he licked his lips again.
“I trust no one but myself. Not my father, not Miragen. If they’re not needed, I’ll just get rid of them.”
“Are you saying Miragen too?”
It would be a problem if anything happened to Miragen. Unable to hide my concern, I watched as Kaitel chuckled softly and shrugged.
“Don’t worry too much. If you die, I have no reason to touch my little brother. Wouldn’t it be nonsensical for an older brother to mess with family? It’s not like we have a bad relationship, and if you die, everything would fall apart anyway.”
“I don’t mind falling apart.”
I could die. I could endure tortures worse than I’ve faced so far, leaving lingering effects that would influence the next cycle. But Miragen can’t. If Miragen is in pain, it would be enough to flip my life’s goal upside down.
No matter what happens, I was going to kill Kaitel. Even if I had to do it dozens of times more, if Miragen dies—
That would be a good enough reason to change the purpose of my reincarnation. But I wouldn’t show a hint of that feeling.
I didn’t want to do it.
If I showed anger here, it would only provoke him even more.
If I were to be cowardly, I could be endlessly cowardly. Suppressing my emotions, I gazed at him for a moment, and with a slight chuckle, Kaitel tore his face away from the bars and stared at me intently.
“Since I was planning to break you anyway, that’s only natural. But isn’t there a more interesting proposal? For instance.”
Once again, the red light gleamed in his eyes.
Was it Kaitel’s madness manifesting as magic power?
The inner self of the Crown Prince, who had always been praised as perfect, had broken in a different direction.
No one could say that he was normal in his current state.
As I chuckled softly at the chill creeping up my fingertips, I felt a shiver as I locked eyes with Kaitel once more.
Could he really be Kaitel? Since when had this Crown Prince of the Empire been so twisted?
“If you bark like a dog, I might let you live.”
“Are you saying to bark like a dog?”
“If you bark earnestly, then Miragen will be spared. That much, I promise you, in the name of the Crown Prince.”
Telling the Princess’s fiancé, a prince among the nobles, to bark like a dog? It was usually standard to kill someone before subjecting them to such humiliation.
However, Kaitel seemed to genuinely enjoy saying that.
I hesitated for a moment.
Was there a high probability that doing this would keep Miragen safe and sound?
But I wanted to grasp at straws. For everything to stabilize after my death,
there was no other way to save Miragen than to do whatever it took.
When my parched lips parted without having had a sip of water, the voice that came out from that tiny gap was truly pitiful.
“…Woof woof.”
But I didn’t think it was shameful. Even if I had to crawl with a severed leg, I could manage it just fine.
As the voice that was trying to imitate a dog echoed in the basement, a sound of laughter followed.
For a long time, it reached all the way to the top of the Imperial Palace.
#
I hadn’t met Miragen until the day of my execution drew near.
That was the condition for saving Miragen; I ate once a day and barely drank any water.
Whenever I tried to speak, my throat would tear and blood would gush out.
I no longer had legs, and my arms were rendered useless.
The empty sockets of my eyes gazed into the void. Now, the only remaining eye could see the world.
If Miragen saw me like this, what would she say? Hadn’t I been tortured by Yuria in the past, I wouldn’t have had the mental capacity to think of Miragen at all.
I heard curses as well. Yuria’s words had always been like that, but I felt that my father’s words might remain a bit more memorable.
I heard it. Yuria’s words poured over me as usual, but what my father said felt a bit more memorable.
What’s so important about a family, anyway? Still, I was relieved to confirm that Miragen was still alive.
At that time, her voice was still okay, so I thought that since I didn’t know I was about to die, we might meet again someday.
“…Next time we meet, let’s not make any kids.”
Even if we were to have another child, I wouldn’t know if it’d be the same one.
I’d already attached a name and feelings to it, and who would have thought I’d leave without even seeing its face?
Would it change if I met her a little sooner and had the child? No, it’s likely that the future where I die would continue to repeat for a while.
If I cut ties with Miragen and tried to find another way, maybe I could escape this reincarnation a bit quicker, but
somehow, this foolish me couldn’t reincarnate while abandoning Miragen.
I would meet Miragen in every cycle.
I don’t know how long this emotion will last, but the meaning of the name Miragen has become more important to me than anything else.
There were so many places I couldn’t go.
So many things I couldn’t say.
If we meet next time, will I be able to express all these? No, that would probably be quite difficult.
I will die many times. Can I ensure that Miragen won’t be sad during all those moments?
Let’s try, even if it’s painful for me. So that happiness can come at the end of the future shared with Miragen.
When a small light touched my eye, I realized today was my last day.
What words will I say upon our first meeting in the next cycle?
What should I say in the next cycle, and finally, at the end of the reincarnation?
As the blade of the guillotine touched my neck, I couldn’t decide on the answer until my eyes met Miragen’s who was watching.
In the end, I died a few more times until I realized I had reached the thirty-fifth cycle.
I began life without having said everything I wanted to Miragen.
“What should I do this time?”
As always, on that summer day when I was twenty, I woke up in bed with a strange sensation.
That strange feeling might have been a warning about the future I was about to experience.
So, I’m cautious.
I just hope that when we reach the end of this story, you won’t be sad.
Because it’s just a tragic past unworthy of discussing with a smile.
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