Robert never thinks highly of himself.
He always prioritizes others, even if it means enduring pain if it helps someone else.
He was always the type to take that direction. He was the same in the past.
One of the feelings I understood about Robert’s life was that generally, he hardly puts himself first.
“Are you okay?”
It was a slightly out-of-context question, but Robert smiled faintly as if he understood, nodding his head.
His expression saying he was okay was no different from usual.
Maybe he was genuinely okay, or perhaps he was hiding the fact that he wasn’t okay.
If there were a moment when Robert, who usually doesn’t lie, told a lie, it would indeed be when he tried to hide his own pain.
Wasn’t there a memory of him trying to act fine even after being poisoned in his previous life?
After checking Robert’s body once and confirming that there were no issues, he still couldn’t shake off the subtle discomfort lingering in his chest.
…Sometimes, he thinks it’s okay to lean on someone.
Robert wasn’t alone. There was a Grand Duke here, and there was himself too.
It would be fine to rely on himself a little more.
His tendency to try to solve everything alone was sometimes frustrating,
but knowing what kind of life Robert had lived, I refrained from saying anything.
“Anyway, won’t it be wrapping up soon? There’s no need to rush.”
“Haah, how do you think my heart feels listening to that?”
“You don’t have to suffer in my place. In the end, it’s something I have to resolve, so for now… it’s better to focus on the dead dragon.”
Whether he was carefree or didn’t want to worry,
understanding Robert’s loneliness, I couldn’t help but realize that his words were ultimately just another mask he was putting on.
It would be better to talk separately later.
Even if he tries to talk here, he’ll probably just keep his mouth shut.
Letting out a small sigh, Adrian slowly turned his back.
There was no one to blame. If someone were to be blamed,
it would have to be the relic that led to the reincarnation.
But then, why did the dead dragon that created the relic make him repeat the reincarnation?
For what purpose?
If one person repeats reincarnation to eternally repeat the same destiny, it was certain to be destructive.
What could be accomplished in a damaged and broken mind?
Though he suspected the possibility of resurrection, Adrian secretly denied that possibility.
If the dead dragon intended to resurrect using Robert’s body,
how would he face the body of Robert that had embraced the dragon’s mind?
How on earth should he face Robert’s physical body?
Adrian still didn’t know.
“Let’s talk.”
When we returned from the ruins, Adrian grabbed my wrist and headed straight to another room.
I briefly thought of Adele, but I didn’t ask because his expression looked troubling.
I had no idea what serious conversation he was about to have, so I followed him, and when we arrived in the room, Adrian closed the door and looked at me.
It seemed that the fact that she couldn’t see was no longer an uncomfortable element for her.
Even without memorizing the terrain, she could sense it using Divine Power and walk around—could the experience from the South have been helpful?
Just when I was having such trivial thoughts, Adrian, who had been quietly staring at me, cautiously moved his lips.
“What have you been up to?”
“…I don’t know.”
He looked serious, so I expected some significant words, but the response was surprisingly mundane, leading me to give an ambiguous answer.
If someone asks what I’ve been doing… I really don’t know either.
After coming to the North, I spent a few days without meeting anyone, trying to relax a bit.
It hasn’t even been a full day since I’ve rested here.
“I just came to relax, but things have become a bit complicated.”
Despite my awkward smile, Adrian still didn’t say much.
What he was thinking as he looked at me, even with those perpetually closed eyes, was hard to tell.
I simply waited in silence until Adrian decided to speak.
After a bit more time had passed, Adrian suddenly chuckled and said.
“…Robert tends to bring trouble on himself. You came to the North to meet the Grand Duke, right?”
“There were other things, but that’s correct.”
If Adele hadn’t called, I probably wouldn’t have come.
If I hadn’t felt the disappointment in the letter that arrived after such a long time, I would have never thought of coming to the North.
Maybe I would have gone back to the Imperial Palace to do something with Kaitel.
I wanted to come to the North to give myself a little leeway for the busy days ahead.
Now, even if I wanted to rest, I couldn’t, so didn’t I come to meet Adele, whom I hadn’t seen for the longest time for a final break?
Had I forgotten that original purpose? The sudden thought felt like thorns sprouting in my mouth.
I didn’t know why I felt so anxious.
I came to relax, yet here I was complicating my head, rushing to probe into those who wore masks and stirred things up.
“You know, moving in a hurry won’t help you figure anything out.”
“Who knows…”
“Robert, are you a fool?”
Adrian furrowed his brows and let out a wry smile. It was hard to argue against being called a fool. It’s spring.
Summer still had time before it arrived, and fall, which heralded the beginning of something, was still far off.
Winter, a time to scheme, and next spring. I had a whole year ahead of me, didn’t I?
Yet, why was I feeling so anxious?
Perhaps it was because so much had changed that I was trying to bear it all alone.
I hated the thought of someone dying. If I got hurt, it would be okay.
But if someone I cherished got hurt, I would blame myself for not being able to stop it.
Some might think it would be convenient to use reincarnation to prevent things they already knew, but it wasn’t like that at all.
If I were to stop something, would that end it? The fundamental problems still remained.
There were still things I didn’t know, and that damned dead dragon had pushed me inexorably toward death.
Especially since precious people were multiplying, leaving my head in a jumble.
I had to wrap things up quickly. It felt like if I didn’t move faster, everything would get twisted.
“I was glad to see you seemed a bit different since we last met. Knowing Robert’s past, it seemed your dark emotions brightened a bit,” she said.
“And how do I look now?”
“You look tired. Like you’re about to collapse any moment.”
At her comment about looking tired, I brushed my cheeks and turned my gaze to the mirror beside me.
The man reflected in the mirror had hollow eyes.
A smile lingered on his lips, but it felt anything but natural.
It was just yesterday that I had laughed with Adele, yet when had my face become like this?
As I touched the dark shadows under my eyes, Adrian gently stroked my hand and began to speak slowly.
Her voice was very soothing.
Like the voice I hear just before falling asleep, the tension in my body began to melt away. It felt like listening to a lullaby.
“You’re moving too hastily right now.”
“…But—”
“I know, Robert. I understand what you’re worried about and what you’re working so hard for.”
I understood what Adrian was saying.
She was the only woman in this world who knew everything about my previous life and empathized with it.
Unlike Adele, Adrian knew that all my values lay more in others than in myself.
“Is it because you’re worried we might die?”
“……”
“You’ve been able to prevent it until now. It’s okay to think a little more positively. You’ve saved Miragen when she was in danger, and you’ll do the same this time. When the Grand Duke is in danger, you’ll save him too, right?”
If only that could happen, everything would be great. It was a clear fact that the name “Dead Dragon” had become a source of anxiety for me.
The truth that I had either not known or had chosen to ignore until now.
The fact that it was approaching as a direct threat became quite a large concern.
I think my peaceful sleep in the North ended on the first day I slept with Adele.
Since then, I couldn’t shake off the thoughts of the Dead Dragon,
and I lived by barely falling asleep with my ears blocked by my pillow, only to wake up at dawn repeatedly.
Of course, it wasn’t a normal state. But…
I just thought I had to move like this.
I could only move after hearing from Arwen, but I tried to deal with other things during that time.
I couldn’t find a single piece of news about those wearing masks,
but I believed that if I went towards the uncharted areas, I would be able to catch some clue.
What if I found nothing? Who would take responsibility for the waste of time?
As I suddenly held my throbbing head, Adrian, who was sitting, came over, heard my groan, and hugged me.
As his warm body temperature transmitted to me and eased my pain a little, Adrian’s voice reached my ears.
“I think it’s okay to rest sometimes. There’s no rush to move. Even if you move quickly now, not much will change.”
“I know. But…”
“It must be unsettling. Have you forgotten who knows your heart?”
I hadn’t forgotten. I just thought I wasn’t qualified to lean on someone.
After all, what I had accomplished was only a part of my goal.
I hadn’t regained enough power to protect everyone I cherish. I still didn’t know the identity of those wearing masks.
I wanted to run, but I knew it was essentially just floundering in a place with nothing.
Adrian, holding me, simply patted my back in silence. Saying it was okay, whispering that sometimes it’s okay to rest.
My hesitating heart remained. I wondered if it was alright to stop here and look around, if stopping would mean that all time would rush past me.
Still… if it’s really okay. As my lips that had been hesitating started to tremble, a small voice slipped out.
“Is it okay for a moment?”
“What do you mean?”
“… Is it okay to lean on you?”
At those words, Adrian replied with a small smile.
“Of course. If it’s you, it’s always okay.”
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