If someone were to see this, they’d probably misunderstand the situation in many ways, but one thing remained unchanged: I had to stay calm.
The reason Adele was acting this way was simple. She was tipsy and had many things she wanted to say to me.
After suppressing those emotions for so long, they finally burst forth, and I awkwardly smiled while looking at the slender hand that was holding me back.
How did I feel about Adele, you ask? Answering that was quite ambiguous.
Now that our feelings had reached a precarious point, how I responded would change a lot.
The worry didn’t last long.
I had already pictured this situation in my mind to some extent, so there was no need to hesitate in my answer.
“What would you like me to say?”
“…That’s not what I wanted to hear.”
Adele’s eyes momentarily clouded over, and her tied-up hair spilled down towards my face.
From within her hair, there were eyes looking at me.
In the fleeting silence that followed, as we quietly gazed at each other, Adele bitterly smiled and slowly created some distance between us.
It seemed she realized I had no intention of answering right away.
However, it didn’t change her resolve to hear my answer today; she pressed her finger against my lips and continued speaking.
“Don’t you already know? Back when you had feelings for me, and I for you?”
“That’s not the case anymore, is it? Don’t you think so too, Adele?”
Feelings from the past are just that—past.
They might influence us, but they can’t be counted as emotions we hold in this life.
Neither Adele nor I was fond of clinging to the past, so I realized that my words were merely an excuse.
She felt hurt for not hearing from me, and even after a long time of not seeing each other, she was upset I hadn’t asked how she was.
What did this woman truly wish to define in our relationship?
It likely wasn’t something like a confession. I felt it was something simpler.
Looking at her face, which was even more flushed than before, I noticed her eyes widen slightly as they met mine.
“Are you expecting me to say that I like you?”
“…No.”
“Then, do you want me to whisper that I love you?”
“Not that—”
The one lying down was no longer me.
I pushed Adele’s shoulder, making her lie down on the floor, and looked down at her.
After calming my ragged breath for a moment, I furrowed my brow and continued speaking.
“Then I’d like you to tell me what exactly you desire. What should I say to satisfy you, Adele?”
I wanted to slightly cool down the emotions.
Talking while tipsy might lead to regret later.
I never knew I might regret my work.
She might have been a little tipsy in her own way, but she probably didn’t realize that it would be difficult to see each other’s faces after tomorrow.
I could hold her hand as much as I wanted. It’s not like we’re so far apart that I can’t do such a thing.
Speaking like this meant she was hesitating.
Instead of saying what she wanted to, she was just trying to pass the time with different words.
When I pressed down on Adele’s hand as she tried to get up, she frowned and looked at my face, which had gotten closer.
“…How arrogant. I’m the Grand Duchess, and anyone would think you’re my superior.”
“Do you still think of yourself as a Grand Duchess here? Right now, it looks like you don’t even know who’s on top.”
“Ha. Have you lost your fear now that you’ve become a Duke?”
Despite saying it with a hint of anger, a small smile was drawn on her twisted lips.
She didn’t even resist me.
Rather, as if she had been hoping for something like this, Adele’s body was almost limp as she tried to stand up.
Calling me arrogant, but not taking any action. What could this possibly mean?
Knowing that too well, I was actually the one hesitating.
“I’ve never lost it. From the very beginning, I’ve never been afraid of what Adele does.”
I wasn’t afraid even if a sword was at my throat.
Is that why she hadn’t shown any interest in me?
Seeing that memory flash in her mind, Adele looked at me with a look of disbelief, a fleeting smile appearing on her face.
It has already been a year since we first met. Back then it was summer, but now it’s spring.
If you asked how much our relationship has changed during that time, I think I could answer quite simply.
A lot. It’s heading in a good direction.
Adele, who was fidgeting with her hands, seemed like she wanted to get up slowly now.
Realizing that what she had done was embarrassing, she blushed and lightly pushed my chest.
“…Come on now. I intend to get up.”
“Do you understand a bit? What kind of mood I was in just now?”
“Well, I’m just disappointed.”
After saying that, Adele chuckled lightly and gently brushed my cheek.
“A man who keeps a woman underneath him and does nothing. How disappointing.”
I couldn’t help but chuckle at her teasing response. It seemed she was certain nothing was going to happen anyway.
But I had no intention of doing anything more, so I quietly stood up from my seat without any rebuttal.
Watching me silently, Adele soon stood up quietly as well.
After looking at me for a moment, she brought the still full bottle of alcohol to her lips and sighed.
“Yeah. It’s a bit embarrassing.”
“A bit, huh?”
“I mean, I’ll be doing worse later on, so no need to be too embarrassed.”
“There probably won’t be any.”
At those awkward words, Adele, who was chuckling at me, closed her eyes tightly.
After placing an empty bottle in a corner of the table, she opened her eyes again and looked at me, speaking up.
“I thought it might be okay to live honestly. If I keep considering too many different things and worrying, I feel like I might miss the most important part.”
“What made you think that?”
“Seeing you with the Saint.”
This blunt comment is probably proof that she wants to live honestly.
I should stop being surprised by her unpredictable remarks.
I could somewhat understand the feelings behind her words.
It seemed she no longer wanted to remain quiet.
This meant she was different from the old Adele I remembered.
Just like the Adele I saw today, a bit more active… and straightforward. Isn’t that what it meant?
Adele didn’t stop talking any longer.
Seemingly dissatisfied with my silent listening, her pace quickened slightly.
“Now that I think about it, I was the one who met you first in this life.” “That’s true.”
“If my memory serves me right, the last person I met was probably that Princess.”
Nodding in agreement, Adele squinted her eyes and stared at me intently.
Her expression seemed to show she had many things she wanted to say.
Her lips, which twitched a few times, slowly began to open again as if she had organized her thoughts completely.
“But I always feel like I’m on the back burner.”
A fleeting loneliness passed through her sky-blue eyes.
The northern winds signified loneliness.
It is said that people feel lonely whenever the northern winds blow, which is why they didn’t like winter very much.
However, what about Adele, who lives in eternal winter, where even spring and summer are just winter?
A bittersweet smile briefly appeared on Adele’s lips.
In her gaze toward me, I felt various emotions.
I had seen them in the past, but they seemed even more intense in reality.
For instance, affection directed at me, or loneliness, or solitude.
“So I asked. What do you think of me?”
My thoughts about Adele hadn’t changed. I didn’t dislike her. I had affection for her too.
But I didn’t want to move beyond that.
If I were to establish a relationship before everything ended, I would return to square one if I failed.
Even if this was my last life, someone would be sad.
I didn’t want that, so I was stubbornly holding on to this precarious line.
Some might call me cowardly, but I had no intention of changing this attitude.
At least until I felt certain about wanting to kill the Crown Prince, I would continue acting this way.
Wouldn’t I want to avoid such a response? I knew this frustrating situation could be resolved with just one word.
I know that a single word could solve this frustrating situation.
If I wanted to, I could win Miragen’s heart and return to the way things used to be in just a day.
The only reason I don’t is that I’m scared. I’m still hesitating.
Adele seems to understand my struggle, yet I can tell she’s feeling frustrated too.
The gap between us has already closed. Adele’s face was even redder than before,
her soft breaths close enough for me to feel.
My hand touches her thigh, and we gaze into each other’s faces.
Adele continues to speak.
“You won’t answer what I said, will you? Not until you achieve the goal you have in mind.”
“…That’s right.”
“You have this talent for making people feel frustrated.”
Adele, gripping my shoulder, bowed her head deeply.
Taking a deep breath, she lifted her head to meet my gaze directly.
She looked angry, or maybe just tipsy.
But one thing was sure—she wasn’t moving around like this just for fun.
When her unwavering blue eyes met mine directly,
Adele’s lips began to move.
“You could just stay still, but instead, you keep moving to hide behind other people. You don’t contact me even when you go off to others. Sometimes, it feels like you might just disappear entirely, and other times, like you’re wandering around looking for a place to die alone.”
“……”
“You didn’t say a word to me. I didn’t allow you to do this. I didn’t even want it.”
Just as I was about to reply with an apology, the distance between us closed even more, leaving me silently gazing at Adele.
The narrowed gap felt like the difference of a single sheet of paper.
Her breath felt warm against my face, and I could feel the soft sensation of her palms on my cheeks.
“I’m very jealous. Robert.”
“You said that before.”
“I was the one who first met you, who first took an interest in you, and who first held your hand… I guess that would be me in this life.”
Finding it amusing, Adele chuckled for a moment as she looked at me.
The distance between us closed again.
This time, it happened so quickly that I flinched as a delicate sensation touched my forehead.
Something crimson had touched and then fallen from my forehead.
It was too small to be a hand, and as I stared at Adele, who had a warm touch,
she smiled softly and answered.
“I decided I would take you. So, be careful next time.”
To make sure I don’t cross the line.
The woman who said this smiled so enchantingly that I couldn’t even muster a response.
Perhaps for quite a while.
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