The sensation that the Crown of Memories conveyed to Adrian was a bit different.
It was unlike seeing Robert with the naked eye.
Previously, when examining memories, his vision would briefly return, but this time, the Divine Power flooded his mind, showing only illusions.
As Robert held onto Adrian’s swaying body, Adrian, with his eyes tightly shut, let out a small sigh.
It was a completely different sensation from peeking into someone’s memory.
It felt as if memories were seeping into him and enveloping his body.
It was a floating feeling, as if he just recalled something he had forgotten long ago.
Knowing about Robert’s Reincarnation, Adrian realized that these memories were part of the “forgotten memories” that the Crown was trying to reveal.
“My head… it hurts. Is it okay if I lean for a moment?”
“It’s fine. If we are seeing the same thing, you can continue like that.”
Robert’s expression as he looked at the scenery before him was enigmatic.
He thought he would eventually face it, but it came sooner than expected.
How would Adrian feel about these memories? He never even imagined the Crown of Memories would show something like forgotten memories.
A sense of fear washed over him. Perhaps that’s why his hands were trembling.
Robert, exhaling a sigh as he wiped away his pale face, grasped Adrian’s hand.
At the touch of Robert’s hand holding his, Adrian turned his head.
Though no words were spoken, it felt like Robert was silently telling him not to let go.
The emotions bubbling up inside him were fear, confusion, sadness, and loneliness.
Robert was unaware that he had witnessed these memories.
If he knew about this memory, would his attitude change? Was he afraid?
The memories lodged in his mind were things Adrian already knew.
They were countless deaths he had seen, and memories of mourning Robert’s death firsthand.
Hadn’t he promised himself?
If Robert ever fell into loneliness again, then that would be the moment he would hold on tight.
As Adrian gently wrapped his hand around Robert’s, his expression eased slightly.
The scenery before them continued to change.
It wasn’t showing everything in the memory fully, but the actions he had taken were revealed without any filtering.
It felt like being punished. The past he wanted to hide, the past he didn’t want to repeat.
As he witnessed those memories he thought he had forgotten and overcome resurfacing again before his eyes,
his already tangled emotions felt like they were being sucked into a swamp.
“Ugh…!”
When he saw Robert facing his third death, he unconsciously gripped Adrian’s hand tightly.
He couldn’t care less about Adrian’s pain.
He just wanted to escape what he was seeing, somehow.
But he knew he couldn’t escape.
Even if he shut his eyes, the memories penetrating through his eyelids continuously tormented Robert.
When he died by beheading, Robert touched his neck and smiled faintly.
When his heart was pierced, Robert let out a sigh and released Adrian’s hand.
Though he whispered an apology, his expression remained pale.
The longer the woman beside him stayed silent, the dimmer his mind became, until finally, he slumped against the wall, exhausted.
I leaned back.
Caw—
In the field where a crow was crying, I saw a version of myself from the past.
I was laughing while looking at the spear that pierced my body.
When was it? It must have been during the time I was fleeing from the pursuit of the Imperial Army.
Back when I was still far from being called a Sword Saint, still tormented by madness.
It was clear that Adrian was watching this memory.
Seeing my increasingly pale face, Robert couldn’t help but smirk.
In reality, that pallor was worry for Robert, but he had no way of knowing that.
The voice that escaped was quietly subdued.
As if resigned, he silently moved his lips while watching the continuing death.
“I believe you are watching.”
The past that I didn’t want to talk about to anyone.
The past I didn’t want to speak of, wishing instead that nobody would even think of it.
There were so many lives that died meaningless and weak.
The image of myself, unable to protect even one precious person, was so ugly that Robert didn’t want to reveal his past to anyone.
“About my death.”
Adrian said nothing.
Even though he had let go of my hand, I could clearly feel that Robert was by my side.
Just from the sound of his voice, I knew. His fragile mind was on the verge of crumbling.
Depending on my reaction, it would decide what Robert would do.
No matter what I wanted to say, my mouth wouldn’t open.
Even though I had seen the memory countless times, I couldn’t even guess what kind of heart Robert had lived with.
Despite dying countless times, he sought the same person and moved toward his goal in despair.
It wasn’t a purpose to kill someone.
He merely hoped that people would believe in him, that was all he carried with him.
When reading the memories, he simply mourned for dying. However, now, the memories were coming to him.
The emotions that Robert himself had held, the memories he recalled while dying were coming to him.
“Robert…”
Adrian’s voice calling my name was locked away.
It was a voice that sounded like it would burst into tears at any moment.
A hundred deaths, then a hundred and first life.
Completely understanding and accepting all those emotions was impossible, but still, there was one thing I knew.
He had never once blamed anyone.
While dying a hundred times, what would the heart of the one who shouldered all that guilt be like now?
Unable to even imagine, Adrian finally pressed his lips together tightly.
If he spoke, it felt like the suppressed emotions would burst out. He shouldn’t be crying.
It was he who should be holding on, but what was he to do, being swept away by such emotions?
Saint.
He thought that name didn’t suit him.
He believed he was too young and immature to bear such a heavy mission.
He didn’t possess such a benevolent heart to be called a saint, and he knew he had his own desires.
He simply thought that he had one role given to him by God.
If he could embrace even just one person, he would do so.
Even as imperfect as he was, if he could save even one person, he considered that his mission.
In Adrian’s mind, that moment was now.
It was now.
In the space where only the two remained, the only one who could reach out to the remaining person was none other than oneself.
The footsteps that had been as rigid as stone began to move.
If someone was a past lover, if someone was a connection that once held love for each other.
I was the only one who could understand Robert’s feelings.
Adrian slowly took a step towards Robert.
#
It was a brief moment of calm, but Robert thought it felt incredibly long.
Having died a hundred times, the time to see that could only take longer.
What kind of reaction would Adrian show when faced with all of this?
Sometimes, he might see himself as a murderer for having killed a person.
He could be viewed as a cruel one who stretched his hands towards others in an attempt to escape the destiny he held.
Or perhaps he might be seen as a coward. Would he feel sympathy?
Would he think that the purpose he held was meaningless and suggest looking for another path?
It was a negative thought, but that was the life he had lived.
A life where he was not trusted, and even those he somewhat trusted turned their backs on him.
Perhaps it was frightening because it was the first time experiencing this.
The memories Adele regained were not all the memories, were they?
If she were to see all of this, she might also harbor some feelings towards me.
He gripped his chest as the feeling of suffocation came over him.
Breathing heavily, his complexion turned pale and ghostly.
“Robert.”
Even though the voice was heard, he did not respond. He was afraid to answer.
He didn’t need pity or sympathy.
He didn’t wish for a reprimand for his actions.
He didn’t want anyone to mourn his death, and just.
Just.
It would be nice if no one said anything at all.
Despite the swirling emotions, his expression remained impassive.
The eyes staring into the unknown void were vacant.
Unlike the recent times when he had reflected his emotions.
Like a doll, his eyes held no feelings.
“Robert.”
Adrian’s lips moved.
Despite the impassive expression, his inner self was shaking more than anything.
It wouldn’t be strange if he broke apart and fell apart at any moment.
Did he wish that no one knew about this memory?
Ignoring the rising guilt, Adrian slowly reached out.
It was only pitch-black darkness, but still, the small sound of breathing could be heard.
At last, warmth from Robert was felt in the hand that had finally touched.
As their bodies connected, the anxiety within him was felt even more.
He pondered several times on what to say, and finally, a voice slowly escaped from his trembling lips.
“I knew. Even before seeing this memory, I knew about the death you went through.”
Robert quietly gazed at Adrian.
He couldn’t quite grasp what the woman who approached his slumped self was saying.
The fact that he knew must clearly refer to the memories.
But before understanding that, Adrian’s lips parted first.
“…I just have so much to say. Really so much. I don’t know what to say.”
“There’s just so much to say. Really a lot. I don’t even know what to say.”
I wanted to tell him not to be sad. I wanted to say that Miragen’s death wasn’t Robert’s fault.
I wanted to convey that I mourned with him when he chose death alone, and that I had felt anger over his painful decline.
And I wanted to say that it was wrong for him to always think it was his fault.
But I knew those weren’t the words Robert needed.
They weren’t comfort.
For someone who knows all of Robert’s memories, those words were just too ordinary. Robert’s gaze was directed at Adrian.
I couldn’t tell what he was crying about.
It must have been something seen from his memories, yet I couldn’t understand why he was sad.
If it were Miragen or Adele, I could understand.
But wasn’t this the first time he forged a bond with Adrian in this life?
There had been hardly any intersections with Adrian in the past.
Sure, they had exchanged greetings, but this was the first time they interacted by name.
So why… was he crying like this? It was an unfamiliar emotion for Robert.
He thought he would be more perplexed or even feel pity instead.
Thud.
He felt a distinct warmth from the hand that touched his cheek.
As the dampness around his eyes was gently wiped away, there was a hand softly embracing him.
Just like that day on the Moon Tower when the wind was particularly cold, Robert simply stared blankly at Adrian, who was holding him.
“Why are you crying… I don’t understand. Adrian shouldn’t have a reason to be this sad.”
“I only just realized, and that’s why I feel sorry.”
Extending her hand, she pulls Robert in for an embrace.
It was a different feeling than the day she first caught a glimpse of memories.
Back then, it was the sadness she felt from witnessing his death.
She had grieved simply by empathizing with the pain of a death that no one knew about.
But this time, it was an emotion felt upon learning of his sorrow.
“I’m here.”
She wanted to tell him that the loneliness, sadness, and regret he harbored were no longer only his.
He had vowed not to cry, but reading the shaking of his inner self, tears flowed out without him realizing.
“So don’t be sad alone. It’s not your fault; you have no reason to blame yourself.”
Hesitating, she parted her lips again.
“Can I hug you for a moment?”
Robert’s eyes looked somewhat dazed.
He didn’t even know what emotion stirred within him at her words.
He could only feel that it wasn’t warm.
The negative feelings he held onto until just now had scattered a little. He surrendered his body to that gentle touch.
The woman with whom he had formed a bond for the first time understood his feelings for the first time.
Though it was still mere speculation, Robert felt certain that Adrian had read all of his memories.
And if that was the case,
If this was her sincerity,
What words should he say to her?
In the coffin where the thirty-fifth memory flowed, Robert quietly embraced Adrian.
For a long time, until their body temperatures were completely shared.
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