“…Well, just forget what I just said.”
I recall what Yuria said.
Isn’t that the most ridiculous thing I’ve ever heard in my life?
It’s not that she has no interest in me, huh?
If what she did in killing and tormenting me was her way of showing interest, then I’d rather not have that kind of attention at all.
What could her intention have been?
What does that expression she showed for a moment, as if it would crumble at any second, mean?
I kept walking and thought about it, but no solid answer came to mind.
There wasn’t really a need to think deeply.
It was clear that it was just something thrown out to brush over the situation.
I never imagined I’d hear such an ugly excuse as “it’s not that I’m not interested.”
Seeing Yuria’s crumbled expression isn’t something that happens often.
Maybe I saw it once when I killed her in a previous party.
The act I executed while thinking about how it would be to kill them all and be left alone,
But even if the ducal residence was empty, there was no one to recognize me as the head of the family.
Besides that, I’ve done a few similar things, but Yuria usually chose to become colder rather than crumble in most situations.
But what was that expression just now?
Did she really react that way just because I said I wasn’t interested?
“…Tsk.”
Whatever it is, there’s no need to care.
She and I both know we can no longer be as we were before.
Even if she harbors different intentions than I think, it can’t be seen in a good way.
Knock knock
Erasing those residual thoughts completely, I knock on the door.
Meeting my father and talking about meeting Adele was quite an important matter.
How many benefits could I gain from this, I wonder?
There could be more luck in store than I anticipated.
“It’s Robert. Your Excellency.”
“Come in.”
Upon his permission, I opened the door, entered, and bowed my head.
I checked his expression, but he merely stared at me with a penetrating gaze, emotion not clearly readable.
Only the slightly trembling eyebrows hinted that my father must be thinking quite a bit about this rumor.
He wouldn’t misunderstand like Yuria.
However, it’s a fact that I returned stained with blood, so he would be curious about the reason.
This wasn’t a place where a storm would be welcome, after all.
Just as I suspected, my father immediately asked about yesterday’s events once I completely entered the office.
“Where did you go yesterday?”
“…If you’re asking where I went, I returned to the ducal residence.”
“Reason?”
“Because I determined that I had no work to do there.”
Even though I called them partners, my father knew well that it was just a facade.
It was just kind of a show to demonstrate that the Lady of the House’s younger sibling was cooperating well, showcasing stability within.
He paused for a moment without saying anything, then asked coldly.
“I’m asking where you went because I’m wondering where your blood got spattered.”
“Rather than spattered, I was cut.”
At the mention of being cut, my father’s eyes narrowed. He must be questioning whether I’m lying.
However, he has only lived for 60 years at most.
In terms of years, I’ve lived several times longer than him, so can he truly read my intentions just by looking at me that way?
Of course, since it was the truth, there was no need to act, but I took out the handkerchief from my pocket and opened my mouth.
“I ran into Lord Igrit.”
“…Adele?”
“Yes, I went out to the garden for a bit and happened to bump into her. We chatted about this and that.”
Though it was a bit awkward to mention having cut her throat, my father certainly knew her character.
If she was the kind of woman who lived freely and did as she pleased…
It’s not out of the question for her to pull a knife just to confirm something.
“Then, while doing that, I slightly cut her throat, and she told me to come to the North.”
In that moment, his eyes changed.
With a greatly subdued voice, my father muttered something, resembling a predator discovering a delicious prey.
He was eager and searching for something he could gain from it.
To him, the family was the highest priority.
Through the words I brought back, he must be figuring out what he can obtain.
And I knew all too well what answer he most desired.
“So, you’re thinking of going there yourself.”
“No, I’m not.”
With a probing tone, I shook my head firmly and chuckled softly.
It’s unlikely I’ll have any reason to go to the North.
Having concluded it would be wiser to avoid entangling myself with her, even if I helped her someday, I surely wouldn’t need to step into the North.
“It would be better not to go to the North. They might get a little restless over there.”
“…Why do you think they’ll get restless? Adele Igrit is the Grand Duke of the North. Do you really think she would act just because of a small cut?”
“Yes, Adele Igrit is that kind of person.”
Adele was a woman who suited the land of the North well. She does not forget promises.
However, she also does not forget grudges.
It was a common trait among those often referred to as barbarians, yet Adele respected them and inherited such traits as well.
Her actions in repelling all invasions from the North had become a source of pride, and thus, those who would blame Adele had disappeared.
She was a woman who rose to the position of Grand Duke with a single sword.
And I knew better than anyone else that such a character would not change over time.
“She probably won’t forget that she was cut. Just as she asked me to come, she will definitely keep this in mind.”
“…Yeah, that seems likely.”
A faint smile briefly flickered across my father’s face.
A faint smile briefly passed by.
It must mean that it was just as I was thinking.
Now, the main issue was how to utilize it, but perhaps not wanting to consult me on that, he spoke other words.
“You don’t seem completely devoid of thoughts. Have you resolved a bit to change?”
“In a way, yes.”
“Of course, it should have been that way. You can’t live pitifully forever. You thought well.”
Seeing my father smiling contentedly brought up a strange emotion within me.
He doesn’t know the meaning of me saying I’ve changed.
He doesn’t understand what kind of heart I wanted to transform, yet he remains unaware of the heart that was abandoned and died.
Even when I hear my father’s praise, which I once longed for, I feel nothing, and an inexplicable melancholy welled up.
…I realized I had changed quite a bit.
Despite going through so much to hear praise, even this trivial commendation brings no feelings anymore.
The person I used to be is no longer here. Perhaps, I may never return.
Yet, seeing my father still content, I simply kept my silence.
“You are the pride of the Taylor family. No matter the situation, you must always think of the family’s benefit.”
“…I will remember that.”
I found myself imagining what kind of expression he would show if he knew I had no pride in the name Taylor.
#
The wind blows. It was a hot breeze fitting for summer weather, but even that felt pleasant.
Through the stories I shared with Adele, my actions became freer, and now I could roam outside at will.
Since I had been tied by the pretense of a partner during the last ball, coming out here alone… it’s been quite a while.
Come to think of it, wasn’t I locked in the basement before dying in my previous life?
Walking these surrounding streets felt like a long-awaited experience itself, and it relieved my suffocating chest quite a bit.
The sensation of my hair fluttering, the sunlight touching and wrapping around my skin—there was nothing I disliked.
‘Did I move a bit fast this time?’
Normally, freedom of action would come much later, but this time a series of coincidences seemed to make things go smoothly.
Just walking through the streets lifted my spirits.
Sometimes, people wait to see what awaits them after death.
It seems I have experienced that feeling dozens of times, and after dying once, emotions tend to surge within me.
Could it be that I am already dead?
At times, I couldn’t even believe that what I was seeing was reality, losing my mind over it.
So, going out like this helped me gather my thoughts.
The flowing wind, the warm light, the sensation of walking on the ground made me truly feel alive.
I am alive. Therefore, this time, I will achieve it.
Until now, I have lived with such thoughts.
This time, I carried a slightly eerie wish for my eternal death.
Although it was a somewhat chilling wish, that was how it was.
Therefore, the reason I stepped outside was also quite different.
What I was looking for now was a way to gather information. I already knew everything, but it was just stuck in my head, wasn’t it?
I needed to collect tangible evidence. A proper informant would show up later, but… there was no harm in looking in advance.
Just as I was walking toward the informant, a child came running from the side, colliding into me and falling over.
It seemed like the kid hadn’t been looking ahead while running, and curled up with their head in their arms, groaning.
“Ow…”
I hesitated for a moment about whether I should help them up and crouched down to check the state of the fallen child.
Their hand had scraped against the ground, revealing a raw patch of skin.
If left like this, they would surely bleed.
“Next time, look where you’re going. You never know what might happen if you bump into a strange person.”
“I-I’m sorry! Are you okay?”
“There’s nothing to be okay about. You were the one who bumped into me and fell.”
Taking out a new handkerchief, I tied it around their hand, and the kid’s eyes widened in amazement at the pattern on the cloth.
After stuttering for a moment, trying to grasp the situation, the child suddenly bowed their head and turned pale with fear.
“I-I really didn’t know you were from the Taylor family! Just let me off this one time—”
“Shh. No need for any words. Just go on your way, and we’ll be done. You understand what I’m saying, right?”
As I covered the kid’s lips with my hand, they blinked slowly, seeming to grasp it.
I hated things like this.
Just because I was the son of a famous noble, people’s attitudes changed so quickly.
The reckless life I had in my first existence stemmed from such feelings.
Even though I died without being understood, this feeling hadn’t changed until now.
As I took the child’s hand to help them up, they hesitated for a moment before suddenly turning to run away.
There were many ill-tempered nobles around here.
If it had been someone else who bumped into them, there would surely be those who would take it as an excuse to bully them.
Watching the child disappear into a back alley, I turned to walk again.
No, it was just at the moment I was about to turn away to walk.
“…What’s that?”
There was a woman glancing around, looking for something. Next to her stood someone who looked like they were there to assist her, almost as if they were searching for someone.
The moment I caught sight of her blonde hair, a name flashed through my mind, and I found myself muttering it without realizing.
“Adrian.”
Dressed not in saintly robes but in casual clothes, she looked just like a commoner.
With dust on her clothes, it was believable that she had just been cleaning something.
But why was she dressed like that?
With this curiosity, my legs moved forward with determination.
For some reason, the thought that I had to meet her burst forth in my mind.
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