“–, what are you doing?”
Looking back now, you were such a strange kid.
There were a ton of kids who liked you, yet you ignored them all and came to chat with me in the corner.
Why did you treat me warmly while being cold to the other kids? I kept giving short answers and clearly showing that I was annoyed.
“That’s a good thing.”
“I don’t get it.”
“The kids expect too much from me. They want me to fit into their group, to date them… and a lot more. It’s just… too much pressure, you know? If I make even a tiny mistake, they all come after me like a pack of wolves.”
You had a lot of mature sides to you from a young age. Perhaps it was a kind of strange cynicism. You seemed to grasp the harsh realities of human relationships early on.
“You don’t expect anything from me. And you’re not rude about it.”
I still remember you twirling the ends of your hair around your finger as you said that.
“So, is it okay if I come here sometimes? I won’t be a huge bother since you have your own life.”
“…What will the other kids say?”
“Hmm?”
At the time, I didn’t interact with anyone. I had a lot of personal and family issues.
During free time, like lunch hour, I often passed the time alone in an empty classroom where no one would come looking for me.
There was no way my classmates would have a good impression of me. The rumors must have been terrible. “What’s with that kid who’s always alone? Why does he eat lunch alone? I don’t want to be in a group with him,” and so on…
“Pfft!”
Then, you unexpectedly burst out laughing, holding your belly and cackling. It was a completely different level of laughter compared to your usual businesslike smiles in class.
What could possibly be so funny? I didn’t think I said anything wrong.
“I mean, you look like you wouldn’t care, but you stress about rumors a lot.”
“I don’t really care. But it’s true, isn’t it? If you get dragged into my situation, and you hear bad things, that’s going to be on my mind too.”
“Hmmm…”
You squinted your eyes slightly and smiled subtly.
“Are you worried about me? Like, do you care? Afraid I’ll get some hate?”
“…Don’t tease me.”
You were swirling around me like a little whirlwind, spouting all this out.
You were particularly like that. In class, when you were with the other kids, you acted all prim and proper, quietly smiling. But when it was just us, you completely flipped your personality like a whole 180.
When I’m with the kids, I act all prim and proper, just quietly smiling, but when I meet you, it’s like my personality completely flips 180 degrees.
“Hehe, it feels nice to hear you worry about me. But don’t sweat it. No one thinks badly of me.”
“What?”
“Everyone wants to be friends with you! If we’re talking ratios, it’s mostly the girls, though. They say you’re not like other guys and you’re cool. You’re like a noble prince who doesn’t mingle carelessly with others, or something. I’m not teasing you, so stop glaring. That’s what the other girls said, not me.”
“….”
That was quite an embarrassing thing to say. Judging by the way you said it, it didn’t seem like a wrapped-up lie meant to spare my feelings, and it meant that your awkward and absurdly cute words were actually true.
I was lost in thought, bewildered by this unexpected news. You added nonchalantly in a voice mixed with laughter.
“And even if they think badly of me and weird rumors spread, I’d still be here.”
“What does that mean?”
“Figure it out, you fool.”
Saying that, you plopped down beside me. Maybe it’s because you eat mint candy every day, but you always smelled of fresh mint.
“Anyway, I’ll come by sometimes, so don’t lock the door. You need your personal time too, so I won’t come too often. And when I do, I won’t be a nuisance.”
So I can come, right-?
You tilted your head slightly as you looked up at me asking that.
I don’t know why I gave that answer. Maybe it was because the sunlight was shining behind you at that moment. Or perhaps it was because you looked much prettier than usual because of it.
It just slipped out of me.
“…You can come often.”
“Hmm?”
“I said you can come often, if you want to. It’s fine.”
Suddenly feeling shy, I turned my head. I couldn’t bear to see your face after saying that.
You were quiet for a moment, pondering what I said. It was quite a rare experience for me to see you, who always chatter away when we’re together, fall silent like that.
An awkward silence lingered. Just as I was about to excuse myself to escape that uncomfortable silence, you opened your mouth again.
“…O-Okay! Then this is our secret hideout. Got it?”
“…Yeah.”
I answered quietly. At the same time, I finally mustered the courage to turn and look at your face.
Your face, breaking the silence, was blushing red in the sunlight.
Your face, which had woken up, was tinted red by the sunlight.
“….”
I wonder why that memory suddenly popped up. It’s a childhood memory I buried, but it occasionally resurfaces. Among the few happy memories in my generally dark life.
I didn’t completely think I could meet Yeon Soo again.
Because you never know how things in the world will turn out. As I live my life as a kayak, I thought maybe we’d run into each other for some reason, sometimes.
But I didn’t expect it to be this way at all. For her to come to my broadcast, send a donation, and even attend the fan meeting to meet me face-to-face… even the best fortune teller wouldn’t have seen that coming.
At that moment, all the fan meetings had ended. After finishing the signatures and taking group photos with fans, we had a fun time and successfully wrapped up the event. I couldn’t concentrate properly when Yeon Soo showed up in the middle, though.
Now, we were sitting in a small café, just the two of us. I originally planned to buy a nice dinner for the hardworking editors in the evening, but that plan got all messed up. I’ll have to set aside time later to treat them separately.
I looked calmly at my ex-girlfriend sitting in front of me. It had already been ten years since we broke up.
Of course, I had changed, and with me becoming a kayak, the timelines had twisted all around. Because of that, the timeline got weirdly messed up. If I had to guess, it had probably been about six years since Yeon Soo and I broke up at this point. We dated back when we were in high school.
Thinking about that alone got my head all tangled up. The bizarre phenomenon I experienced—where my gender was swapped—had also altered my past. From my ID to various administrative documents, everything recorded that I was originally female.
What was Yeon Soo thinking back then, to consider dating someone of the same sex? Would she remember all the memories we shared? Can I be sure they weren’t twisted or altered like me?
The chain of thoughts was abruptly cut off by Yeon Soo’s words as she locked eyes with me.
“You’re pretty.”
As she sipped her coffee, she continued.
“You haven’t changed at all.”
She said, giving a small eye smile. With her crescent-moon-shaped eyes, the awkwardness between us faded, and naturally, our old memories revived.
The awkwardness between us disappeared as my folded eyes naturally recalled our past memories.
“…You’re still the same. Always saying random things like that.”
“Heh, I guess.”
It wasn’t so much that I was handsome, but I had this habit of saying so out of the blue. That was one of the changes, I suppose.
After that, we had a brief conversation, mostly about our past. The times we spent together, school days, those old memories.
The more we talked, the less anxious I felt. I had changed, and the world had changed, but what I had built during that time still remained.
“We were a black-and-white couple, remember? Mun Ah, you had white hair and I had black. The kids used to call us that.”
“Did they?”
Originally, I had black hair too, so that nickname didn’t really apply, but I decided to let that little detail slide. Everything couldn’t be just like the old days.
So, there was a moment to reminisce. Memories are most beautiful when left as memories. It was now time to return to reality.
“So, what’s the reason you came to the fan meeting?”
“Reason, huh… I’m actually your fan, and I also wanted to see your face after a long time. Lucky me I managed to get tickets.”
“Right…”
After reminiscing, it was time to ask about each other’s current lives.
Since it had been so long since we met, there was a lot to talk about. I answered Yeon Soo’s questions first. How I started broadcasting, if I was always good at games, whether I had a boyfriend now, and so on.
“So you’re saying you don’t have someone you’re dating right now?”
“That’s true, but… why?”
“Just curious. It’s been a while, right? I wonder if you’re doing well in relationships, if you’re eating properly.”
Yeon Soo twirled the ends of her hair with her fingers. This, too, seemed to be her long-standing habit. She hadn’t changed much from the past either.
“What about you, Yeon Soo? What have you been up to lately?”
Now it was my turn. Like she had so many questions for me, I was piled up with curiosity too.
“Well… since it’s you, I guess I should be honest. You’d notice a lie right away…”
“What is it?”
Yeon Soo seemed to ponder briefly at my question about her situation, then slowly replied.
“Actually, I’ve been broadcasting too. I think it’s been about six months since I started.”
“Broadcasting?”
That was also quite a shocking answer I hadn’t expected.
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