It was one of those mornings.
Actually, not exactly morning, but a late afternoon. As usual, I woke up somewhere between breakfast and lunch, and felt a bizarre and strange sensation unlike any other.
First of all, my body felt heavy. I had just woken up, yet I strangely couldn’t muster any strength in my body.
And my body was aching all over.
My shoulders hurt, my back hurt, my stomach and thighs hurt too. For some unknown reason, even my large chest felt a bit sore.
Could I be coming down with something? This was the first time experiencing such discomfort since becoming Camilla, and it left me somewhat bewildered.
Back in the day, I wasn’t exactly the picture of health, frequently suffering from minor ailments.
But since becoming this body, I had been waking up refreshed without any issues.
I couldn’t figure out what could be causing this sudden dip in my condition; it was nothing but a mystery.
“Ugh…”
Still, I thought lying around wasn’t going to make me feel any better, so I forced myself to get up.
If I was sick, I should go to the hospital for some medication, at the very least to a pharmacy. Even if I took a break, I needed to eat something; there was no guarantee that just resting would improve my condition.
Over the years, I’d realized that living alone meant I had to have strong survival instincts. Regardless of how bad I felt, my body didn’t exactly listen to me.
My hesitation was brief, and my actions quick.
As I got out of bed and stood on the floor, something struck me.
“…?”
I felt a sense of dissonance and froze in place.
My heavy body, the aching stomach, the sharp pain in my chest— amid these complex sensations, something felt utterly alien.
Why are my pants so sticky?
Those damp pajamas, emanating a strange smell.
Even if I had wet the bed while sleeping, it wouldn’t have been as shocking. A single possibility flashed through my mind, and even while trying to deny it, I lowered my head to confirm the reality.
Ah, so I was right.
At that moment, I finally understood why I had been feeling sick since morning. The reason for my deteriorating condition.
Before Camilla could be called a hero active in the abyss, she was a woman, and thus faced certain unavoidable inconveniences.
When I became Camilla, it was all good until I realized there would be unexpected trials like this one. Guess there really is no such thing as a free lunch in this world.
Is there really no such thing as a free lunch in this world?
“Huh….”
After pausing to sigh, I glanced at the bed I had been lying on. A certain part of the spot was stained red.
…Should I clean this up first?
*
The shortest route through the pharmacy and porridge shop.
After a short but eventful outing, I returned home.
“Hmm….”
I had to admit that after eating porridge, taking painkillers, and sleeping, the pain had significantly decreased. It wasn’t completely gone, but at least it was much better.
Earlier, my limbs felt heavy, and my back and waist were stabbing me like needles, forcing me to shift positions while lying down, groaning away.
Wing—
Amidst the sound of the washing machine running on the balcony, I devoured the remaining porridge.
Even considering the high price, it was totally worth buying the porridge. When you’re in pain, eating something warm like this really helps.
Today was a day without team practice. Instead, I had a personal broadcast scheduled, and I had already mentioned to the viewers yesterday that I would see them tomorrow.
Honestly, I wasn’t in top shape right now. Objective observation confirmed that. However, it wasn’t so painful that I couldn’t play games.
I thought, wouldn’t it be fine to just start the broadcast and play some calm ranked matches? That sounded reasonable.
Then I envisioned the viewers eagerly waiting for me, and with a restless feeling, I sat down at the computer, snuggling a small cushion in my arms.
*
[Hmm…]
[What’s up with my performance today?]
[Kayak, what’s going on?]
[Team member legend lol]
[Kayak’s human too; they can poop, right?]
[Pooping Kayak… that’s a rare sight]
[At this point, they’re doing their part, though]
[With the current winning streak, if I solo carry, I can’t win with this MMR boost]
[Eonix’s matchmaking is always like this]
[No way; it’s the team members who aren’t supporting!]
[Please don’t insult my older sister!]
[Usually, even if the team members are bad, she’s got the carry strength, you know]
[It’s obvious that with the tier going up, solo carrying is no longer viable]
[Not really, though; something feels off]
[Finally, the bubble has burst lol Still, why does mad duck keep sucking up?]
“This isn’t going well….”
In a black-and-white screen, I stared blankly at the darkened display before shifting my gaze to the chat window.
Even I wasn’t satisfied with my performance right now. I didn’t expect my poor condition to affect the game this much.
The viewers quickly noticed the change in me. While no one outright cursed, most were puzzled by my unusual appearance.
No one was swearing, but most were reacting with confusion at how different things seemed today.
At that moment, my emotions began to surge uncontrollably. A change I couldn’t even recognize within myself, something bubbling up and bursting forth without knowing the cause.
First, there was disappointment in my own skills. Just because I was a little sick and had my period, I couldn’t believe my performance had dropped this much.
Second, anger towards my team members who were being dragged down just because I wasn’t doing well.
Third, irritation at some malicious people who came in out of nowhere to insult me during all of this.
On top of that, my heavy heart today, and the inexplicable sweat trickling down my back.
The sanitary pads I rushed to buy from the convenience store were so uncomfortable—how do women put up with this kind of hassle every month? I just can’t fathom it.
“Ugh….”
Another black-and-white screen.
What on earth are they doing, not concentrating? It’s no wonder I’m getting scolded for having such strange thoughts.
I was in no condition to focus at all. As proof of my abnormal state, the game quickly ended in defeat.
[Older Sister ㅠㅠ]
[Should we just call it a day?]
[Teacher, keep your mental in check!]
It was my third consecutive loss already.
Honestly, since this body started playing, I had rarely faced such an alarming drop in my score after starting placement matches in a much lower tier than where I originally played.
Even at my worst, I’d manage to get 2 wins and 1 loss at the worst. Losing two in a row had been tough to come by, and usually, if I lost one game, I’d win two or three to climb back up.
Given this history, it wasn’t surprising that people were thinking, “Hmm, something seems off with this person today,” sending concerned messages in the chat.
But why the worry today? Normally, I’d either listen to those comments or just brush them off.
Was I just feeling annoyed and hurt by all this?
“…Do you think I’m going to lose again?”
Did these people not trust me? I found myself questioning whether I wasn’t reliable and snapped the question out gruffly.
[No, it’s just that you can tell today is not your day.]
[Teacher, did something bad happen?]
[Is this person drunk?]
[Ugh, she’s done for. Treating the viewers like trash, thought I liked her skills but then it all went downhill, lol. I’m outta here now.]
[If you’re leaving, do it quietly.]
[You might want to call it a day.]
[Teacher, if you keep losing, your mental will snap. Let’s stop the game and talk instead.]
[Sweethearts pretending to care is gross, lol. Kayak probably played way more games than you, so she can manage her own condition.]
“Kayak probably played a few times more than you guys, but I’m sure they know how to manage their own condition.”
“Why, why do you keep telling me to go in? I came online on purpose, after all, to keep my promise with you guys from yesterday.”
“I’m hurt. I’m hurt. I’m hurt.”
“I could’ve taken a break, but if you turned on the broadcast, isn’t it enough to just laugh and have fun together?”
“I just can’t understand why you keep telling me to go in. It’s just upsetting.”
“Maybe, just maybe, these people don’t actually like me that much?”
“I’ve been really enjoying talking, interacting, and gaming with people during the broadcasts lately. But is it just me feeling that way?”
“Before I knew it, my thoughts spiraled to that point, and as soon as that possibility crossed my mind, I felt a surge of emotions hitting me.”
“Without realizing, tears welled up, and my throat tightened.”
“I hate you all. I thought you were good people. But you just keep telling me to go in… I came to see you, but is it just me feeling this way?”
[Why is this person acting like this?]
[Why are you crying?]
“In the end, Kayak has become a streamer that gets squeezed dry…”
[Why are the emotional ups and downs so extreme?]
“Is it because of that day?”
“Oh no… oh no…!”
“Please don’t suddenly bring up the broth;;;”
“From today on, I shall become one with Kayak; attacking Kayak is an attack against me or something…”
“I’m actually worried; Kayak seems off today.”
“Did they eat something weird?”
“Crying like that is so cute.”
“Anyway, just go in, okay?”
“I like Kayak too!”
“I don’t know, I’m ending today’s broadcast here. Whether you come tomorrow or not…”
“Oh no, that can’t be!”
“Don’t go!”
“Stay….”
“When you tell me to go, it’s one thing, but now you’re stopping me from leaving? It’s not like I’m being trained like a puppy. It’s already too late for that.”
I, feeling sulky, ended the broadcast just like that. With a feeling that wouldn’t budge, I ended up sipping on the income beer I bought last time, four cans for ten bucks, and fell asleep.
*
“Ahhhhh!!! Ahh!! Why, why!!!!”
And then I woke up the next morning.
I was spinning in bed like I was breakdancing, kicking around, and my blanket flew to one corner of the room from all the kicking.
Why did I say that nonsense? Seriously. No, before that, why did I let something so trivial ruin my mood?
Memories of yesterday’s inexplicable actions flooded back, and I was writhing in self-loathing.
I spent a while rolling on the bed, screaming.
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